


Tell Me Why (No Going Back)

by weyheyable



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Fat - Freeform, Fat Shaming, Love, Lust, Romance, Self Confidence Issues, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 10:56:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 75,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1602689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weyheyable/pseuds/weyheyable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Hollywood, an unspoken standard is set for its people to live up to.  In the case of One Direction, those that the band members treasure most have been sucked into the same expectations. Noah isn’t sure she reaches the standard as the girlfriend of the most sought after man on the planet, Harry Styles. She doesn’t fit the mold the public set for the ideal girlfriend for Harry. With only reaching a height of 5’2, and her noticeable curves that stick out from the sea of models she's drowning in, Noah knows shes the farthest from perfect.  She’s been reluctant from the beginning to find out how she could possibly handle receiving her own spotlight, which will now highlight on a daily basis, the greatest insecurities she carries on her shoulders. </p><p> But Noah has found a way to try. And now, she’s telling her side of the story-- and hopefully learning to fall in love with herself in the process.</p><p>*For every girl who has ever felt less than good enough, fat, ugly, worthless, and everything else inbetween, This is dedicated  to you.*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

(A/N) This is a fictional piece with fictional characters that are based off of real people. The characters displayed in this story are not seen the same way as the real members of One Direction in the eyes of the writer. It's purely fictional.

 

Whether or not people realize it, we see our lives in three different perspectives:

1)In how we expect our lives to fold out-- the predictable future.

2)In how we wish our lives were-- the impossible, the ultimate dream.

3)And then finally, how our lives are in reality, in this moment.

 

And in some very rare occasions, those perspectives overlap one another. They blend and blur and soon we can’t figure out what’s reality and what’s merely a dream.

 

This is me, and this has become my life.  
The impossible.

 

…………………..

“Please dear God tell me we’re here,” I muttered from my spot in the backseat of my family’s minivan.

“We’re here.” My dad replied, the tiredness in his voice weighing him down in a way.

“Thank the lord.” I looked at my phone to check the time. 12:17 am. Shit.

My dad pulled up and around the front of the Embassy Suites hotel that we would be staying in for the night. My mother, my little brother and I all got out of the car, mom and myself heading inside to get checked in as soon as possible while Collin helped get our bags out of the hatch.

When mom and I got inside, she started making her way to the check-in desk while I plopped down face first on the couch right in front of us.

“Noah, seriously, lets go. We’re all tired and the more cooperative you are the faster we can get some sleep.”

I raised my arm a little bit and made a brushing motion of telling her to move on.

“Go on without me. I’m pacing myself.” I tried saying my best with the big forest-green couch muffling my voice immensely.

“Noah, you’re testing my patience. I’m not telling you again.”

I huffed and swung myself up and got off the couch in one motion. I limped behind my mother to the desk. As we waited for assistance I leaned against the wall, resting my eyes.

“You’ve been sleeping all day. How can you still be tired?” My mom asked me with her signature look that I’m sure she was giving me with a raised eyebrow and scrunched lips.

“Mm. I’m trying to think of a witty remark to that, but I’m just going to say that I’m seventeen years old and it’s the highest thing on my list of things that make me happy.”

“What a pitiful life you must lead.” She joked, laughing to herself as she turned to the lady with curly red hair ready to assist us.

 

We made it up to the room a little after 12:30 and the very first thing I did was plop on one of the beds in a similar way that I had done to the couch earlier.

“Noah, move over you’re taking up the whole bed.” My brother whined as he began to hit me.

I reached my arm up and gave him one nice smack to the side of his head.

“Jesus Christ, calm down. Asking nicely isn’t going to kill you.”

“Dad! Noah hit me!”

I shot up and glared at my black-haired, green-eyed, freckled younger brother.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Noah! Language!” My dad called from the bathroom where it sounded that he was brushing his teeth.

I huffed again and sat up, reaching for my bag that had the book I had currently been reading in it.

“You know, since we’re going to Disney World, the happiest place on earth, I figured you all would be happy. It seems to be having the opposite effect.”

At that point my dad came out of the bathroom and gave me a ‘shut your mouth before you regret it’ look.

“You know what? Next time, we’re flying.”

My brother and I began clapping and cheering like the sarcastic little pain in the asses that we are.

“Okay, get to bed before I strangle the both of you.”

I laid face down on the bed while my family properly got ready around me. As I laid there longer, I started to feel the kick of energy I no doubt got from my several hours of sleeping from our terribly long car ride. I was growing less and less tired while the opposite effect took over the other three people in the room. By the time they were all settled down and ready to sleep, I found myself sitting up getting the sudden urge to finish the great book I was reading.

I was so awake that I picked at my nails for a good fifteen minutes, and by the end of that everyone was knocked out. My dad was snoring softly while my brother was emitting his typical heavy breathing.

When I couldn’t handle all of the noise in our cramped up hotel room, I grabbed the book I was reading and got out of the bed and pattered over to the table across the room, feeling around for my wallet, phone and a hotel card.

I made my way to the door and opened it as quietly as possible and made sure I was quick to get out and shut the door before the bright light of the hallway woke any of them up.

I had planned to just sit in the hallway and read there, but the huge fluffy green couch down in the lobby was suddenly calling my name. I made my way to the elevator and into the main lobby, where the only sign of life was a single receptionist at the check-in desk. He looked up at me with tired black eyes, but acknowledged me with a friendly half-wave before looking back down at the book he was reading himself.

I plopped down on the couch that seemed to almost engulf me in and picked up where I left off in my own story.

 

I had been reading for about forty-five minutes, completely engrossed in the novel. There was a total of maybe three people that had come through the front lobby, including those checking in and others who needed something else taken up to the room. I didn’t really pay attention as my back was facing the desk. My attention would only waver slightly when a voice spoke behind my head, but nothing had grasped my attention enough to make me turn around. At least, not yet.

Either the fourth or fifth person who entered the lobby caught my attention.

“Excuse me sir, but I was wondering if we could please have some more pillows delivered to our room? It appears that the phone in there is broken, so I couldn’t call down.”

I looked up from my book with a raised brow. The voice was not only extremely deep and raspy, but ladened in a British accent. That itself was abnormal, since you rarely ever met someone with an accent like that just anywhere in the US. Normally you only met those people in places with trademark spots such as Disney World, the area around the Washington Monument, and so on.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” The man replied with a voice even deeper and a slight jazzy tone to it. “I’ll get you some pillows right away. I’ll have someone take a look at the phone first thing in the morning. That is, unless you wanted it fixed now?”

“No, no. It’s all right, it can wait until the morning.”

I sat up against the couch with growing curiosity. That voice of the customer was very familiar to me, but I was a bit embarrassed to admit to myself that I actually believed that Harry Styles was the person right behind me. Of course I was a bit obsessed with One Direction, but why did I have to allow myself to make them invade every aspect of my life? I was supposed to be on vacation relaxing with my family and not worrying about anything, not getting my hopes up that the ‘love of my life’ was just a few feet behind me.

“Okay. I’m so sorry again. I’ll get those pillows for you now? About how many did you need?”

“Well, it’s for me and all the other guys I’m sharing a couple rooms with. So would it be a problem if we got like, ten? Twelve?”

Okay, I wasn’t nuts, but I had grown to know that voice anywhere, and I swore that was the voice of the one person I knew it shouldn’t be.

“Not a problem at all, sir. I’ll get those for you promptly.”

I heard footsteps walk away as I sat frozen in my spot, contemplating if I wanted to look up and see just exactly who was standing behind me. But I just continued to sit there, trying to figure out if I could decipher the man with any other sound, but it appeared that he was stood in one spot. It wasn’t long before I heard the footsteps return.

“I just got in contact with one of the ladies in room service. She’ll be down here promptly from the room she’s finishing up in. She’ll collect the pillows and bring them straight to your room. What’s your room number?”

“Um.. 412..”

I got on my knees and spun around before I listened to the guy finish his statement.

And holy shit, my heart dropped straight down into the pit of my stomach.

His beautifully toned back was faced to me, clad in a white t-shirt. Dark jeans adorned his mile-long legs, and he sported his typical boots that made me want to ram my head into a brick wall continuously until I passed out, that’s how attractive they were on him. His dark chocolate curls were all shoved to the back of his head, as if a strong wind was blowing against him. I couldn’t see his face, but I didn’t need to. His strong and unique build along with his dumbass tattoos gave his identity away. It was in fact, Harry Styles.

My jaw dropped quite far. How the hell was Harry Styles in the same room as me, let alone the same hotel? We were on the outskirts of Alabama for god’s sakes.

“All right. Thank you.”

His body turned away from the main desk and was facing me before I could gather my thoughts.

He gasped and jumped an incredible feat out of reflex. His hands had travelled to his chest, his nimble fingers wrapped in his shirt for dear life.

“Oh my god, you frightened me.” He stammered, eyes wide and his hands not moving from his chest as he tried to even out his breathing.

I couldn’t help but giggle a bit at the look on his face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Harry half-attempted a chuckle.

“No, you’re fine. I just didn’t hear you... Have you been there the whole time?”

I picked up my book from the couch and held it up in the air for Harry to see. I was still laughing in the process.

“More or less.”

Harry didn’t say anything but laughed exasperatedly.

“Sorry, again. I just knew I heard your voice somewhere and I thought…” I was having a really rough time trying to get out my sentences because I was still laughing.

“… I’m sorry. I just really kind of love you.”

Harry scrunched his eyebrows and half-grinned in amusement.

“Are you laughing at me?”

I couldn’t stop at that point. I was making a huge fool of myself and tried to conceal my laughter by putting my hand over my mouth, although the attempt was failing miserably.

Harry seemed quite amused.

“You know, when I meet fans, and granted, I've met a lot of them, most of the time they either tend to gawk at me like I’ve just come from a different planet, or go the opposite extreme and freak out like I’ve murdered someone. Then there's some that cry for the reason I still can’t quite wrap my head around, but I don’t think I’ve encountered anyone that laughed at me so violently.”

Harry’s commentary was not helping my self-control situation. It just seemed to get funnier and funnier and I had to dig my face into the back of the couch before I could gather myself and look back up at the sex icon standing right above me, tears almost brimming my eyelids.

“I’m sorry. I’m not laughing at you at all. I’m laughing at myself, because of course I would be the one to meet my most favorite person in the world and make it awkward and embarrassing like this, it’s nothing new and I know my uncontrollable laughter isn’t helping anything.” I giggled some more but I forced myself to swallow my laughter down.

“Please, just kill me now this is so awkward.”

Harry threw his head back and laughed quite loudly.

“Not a big deal at all, forget it. This is nicer than over half of the encounters I get anyway.”

“Oh, well good.” I smiled. “In that case, since I’m in love with you and all, is it creepy or too much if I ask for a hug?”

I had no shame, and I couldn’t resist. And then Harry flashed me his signature half-smirk grin-thing and I mentally freaked out because I was finally seeing the damned thing in person for the first time in my life.

“Of course.”

He shuffled the couple of steps necessary before he wrapped his giant arms around my shoulders and encased me to him as much as he possibly could with the giant back of the couch between us. I returned the gesture. He rubbed my back slightly and I think I almost cried right then because I was just so happy, and maybe a little more tired than I thought I was.

“And your name is?” He asked me when we pulled away.

“I’m Noah.”

“Noah.” Harry repeated my name, and the sound of it on his British tongue was like a dagger straight to the heart. "Like the Ark?"

"No, the boat was the Ark. Noah was the guy who built it."

"Oh, yeah. Were your parents crazy fond of animals or something when they named you?"

I laughed. "I don't think so. I mean, we have a dog, but I wouldn't qualify that as crazy."

"You don't own any pet goats, or llamas do you?"

I laughed again. "I don't live on a farm, so no. No, I was named after my Great Grandpa, who was apparently super honorable or something. I never met him. Plus, my parents weren't sure if they'd ever have a son, so they felt 'Noah' was unisex enough."

Harry chuckled this really deep laugh that sounded like the most gorgeous song in the entire world. If there were a million puppies sitting in my lap right now, I'm sure that's what Harry's voice would have felt like.

"Super honorable or something," He mumbled, making it clear he was mocking me.

"Hey!" I tried to interject, but Harry kept on going as if nothing happened.

“It's nice to meet you, Noah.”

“Oh, and it was nice to meet you as well.”

Things were silent for a beat in time before I realized something I needed to ask about.

“So, just out of curiosity… Are you like, allowed to be down here? In this lobby all by yourself without any security or anything? You never know when some crazed teenage girl could come wandering through the lobby at 1:30 in the morning from her hotel room… Aside from me, of course. Some of them have got to know you’re in this building.”

I mentally smacked myself in the face because I felt so stupid talking in front of my favorite celebrity. I seriously was ready to kill myself.

Harry chuckled and absent-mindedly made his way around the couch a bit so that we could have a proper conversation.

“How long ago did you get here, exactly?”

I picked up my phone from the coffee table in front of me.

“About an hour and a half ago.”

Harry slightly sat down on the arm of the couch on the end opposite of me, which was a bit disappointing since it was a fairly large couch that put distance between us.

“Oh, you missed all the action then.” The way he said that had intended that he was being sarcastic, as though he didn’t get any amusement from the events. It didn’t surprise me, of course it would get tiring if it happened as often as it did to Harry and the other four band members.

“We arrived here about five hours ago, and as per usual, dozens, if not hundreds of fans were waiting for us outside the hotel. That’s not unusual. And then there was quite a few more waiting for us across the street from here,” He pointed his index finger to the window siding of the entrance of the hotel where the sidewalk from across the street that he had been talking about was visible to my eyes. “That’s also not unusual. What was unusual though, was the humongous crowd right around here. I mean, we were talking a massive amount of people.” He used his arms to express that the entire hotel lobby had been covered in teenage girls. “I mean, we had our entire security team either blocking off those from across the street, from entering the lobby, or trying to create a pathway to get us to the elevators. It was nuts; crazier than usual.”

“Do you know why that is?”

Harry lifted his left leg so that it was resting on the couch next to the armrest, his boot pressing into the cushion.

“Probably because Alabama isn’t a common destination where people get a chance to see us. “

I giggled a bit, more at him than his statement.

“Well anyway, for the past several months, hotels all around weren’t allowing fans inside unless they were actually staying there. Tonight though, the people didn’t leave until the staff of the hotel kicked them out because of the hotel’s curfew, which is roughly eleven PM.”

“Hm. Wonder why the receptionist allowed me down here then.”

Harry smirked again as his eyes met mine.

“I don’t know. You seem pretty harmless to me. That could be why.”

I smiled back in response to his statement, and was probably blushing. That wasn’t a common trait of mine, and it didn’t normally hit me as much as it probably had been after Harry made that comment to me.

“So, the boys and I stayed in our rooms until then. I have no idea how many of those people were actually staying here tonight, but I figured that they didn’t think we would be coming out anytime until check-out, so it seemed okay to come down here and ask for pillows. And anyway, I’m allowed to come down here by myself. It’s not a rule for me to walk around with security. Most people don’t know that. We just prefer it since whenever we don’t walk around with security, the consequences can sometimes be scary.”

I had my chin rested on my knees as they had been tugged up and into my body. We just stared at each other in silence when there came a lull in the conversation.

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think out of interviews and videos and everything I’ve ever seen you in, this is the most you’ve ever talked. Ever.” And I mentally died again, because I really could've refrained from sounding like a creep.

Harry laughed loudly as he twisted his body to face me, putting both legs on the couch.

“I’ll give you that. Again, it’s all about assumptions. People, and the media, they all think I’m quieter because of how I come off during interviews and such, but the reality is, I have a lot to say. I just don’t have that much to say on the topics at hand when I’m being interviewed.”

“You mean about your own life?”

“well,” He scratched his knees a little in thought. “It’s different. They’re interviewing me and asking all of these questions, but it’s their job. they’re really not all that interested. They feign interest because they’re supposed to, otherwise we’re less likely to be open with ours answers. These people interview celebrities all the time and quite frankly, they don’t give a damn which celebrity I would like to have sit on my face if I were a chair.”

I laughed a little because ashamedly, I knew all too well which interview Harry was talking about. I knew all of them.

“That may be true, but they aren’t always the ones asking. They’re the voice for your fans that want to know you better.”

“Yeah, I understand that too. I just know that a lot of times people ask these things because they’re curious, not because they genuinely want to know who I am. And even the most die-hard fans get like that, because I can guarantee that most of them, if they were to get the chance to meet me, would be standing there screaming in my face like I’m some strange creature behind bars, and trying to grab me and treat me like an object, rather than meeting me, then sitting down and get to know me on a more personal level. I’ve learned the truth is, most of them are more concerned about getting noticed and standing out from the crowd and hoping one of us five will pinpoint them and then ask for their number or take them back to our rooms, rather than just really getting to know us as people.”

Things were silent between us before I lifted my chin off my knees and spoke in a small voice,

“I want to know you.”

Harry grinned at me again and adjusted his legs.

“Clearly, since I haven’t scared you off yet with all of my ranting. You’re not gonna go and write what I just said in some blog now, are you?”

I felt my cheeks grow red out of shame that Harry actually thought what my intentions were.

“No no no. I would never do that. I’m not going to take advantage of someone who I absolutely adore-”

“Noah, calm down. I was only kidding.” He had rested his hand on my knee and suddenly a spark of warmth began igniting my entire insides with a wild fire. The touch meant nothing to him, but for a fan like myself, it meant everything to me.

“If I actually got the feeling you were going to tell the world everything I just said, I wouldn’t have said anything. I’d probably be back up in my room by now.”

I smiled again at his sweet words. My teeth bit my bottom lip in the process.

“Are you hinting you want to go back up and sleep? You must be exhausted.”

“Oh no, I’m perfectly fine. I have no problem sitting here and talking to you… Unless, that is, you would rather I leave you alone to finish.” He gestured at my book that was resting on top of a pile of magazines sitting on the table.

“No. No, I would love to have the opportunity to talk with you some more. I just… Don’t understand why you would rather waste your time talking to me when you could be getting some sleep. Which, is probably much needed..”

Harry slipped off the armrest and plopped down on the cushion, still at the very end of the couch.

“Hey, just because my entire life is documented to the entire world, doesn’t mean I’m superior to anyone or anything. At the end of the day, I’m just doing my job which just so happens to be dramatically glamourised. I like talking to people who interest me because of who they are and what they think; not the life they live.”

I looked down and smiled some more. I still couldn’t figure out what was so interesting about me of all people to someone like Harry, but I didn’t want to push it. I was enjoying every second of being in close proximity with him since I knew I would never get this opportunity ever again.

“So on another note,” he began. “Why exactly were you reading by yourself in a hotel lobby at half one, er… One-thirty in the morning? You could be sleeping as well, you know.”

I chuckled at Harry’s attempt to translate himself into American terms.

“Yeah, my family’s been driving all day. We’re going on a vacation to Disney World and my dad thought it’d be a brilliant idea to drive there and back, staying at a hotel a night in-between. I’m from the midwest, so it’s quite a drive from point A to point B. I think I took a seven-hour nap in that car today. And as much as I’m proud of myself for making an all new record in my napping schedule, I’ve been feeling the consequences now. And since my whole family is asleep, I didn’t want to disturb them so I decided to just come down here and read, where I’d be comfier as opposed to losing feeling in my butt from sitting on disgusting hotel carpet.”

Harry laughed.

“Fair enough. So…” By the tone of his voice I could tell he was going to change the topic. “Tell me about this book here that seems to hold your interest enough to keep you awale at such an hour..”

And just like that, we lost ourselves in conversation.

We talked, and talked, and talked, and talked. We talked about everything; how the book I was reading was actually a book assigned to me my sophomore year of high school, and how it was so good I just had to read it again. I told him about ‘the Kite Runner’ and how shocking it was to me that it was a novel we had to read for school due to the topics used at hand. We talked about how Harry’s current tour was going, and how Alabama hasn’t been his all-time favorite place to visit, but any place he has fans he’s grateful to go and perform for. We talked about the college I wanted to go to, and how frustrating arguing with my parents about it was. We talked about Harry’s life before X Factor and the fame. We told stories of our childhoods and of current times, me about my absurd friends and him about his bandmates. I learned more about Louis, Liam, Niall and Zayn on a personal level than I ever thought I would, and I hadn’t even met them. We discussed family matters, about his point of view on a divorce. I saw a lot of his thoughts on the subject that my own friends who had divorced parents had themselves. We both discussed what we hoped came for us in the future, and Harry said he wasn’t sure what he wanted for the future, since all of these crazy unbelievable experiences and opportunities have constantly been tossed at his face all at once for a long time now. We even talked about more general things, such as trust, love, perseverance. I didn’t ask about what any of his tattoos meant, as much as I wanted to know why he got a damn clothes hanger on his arm; it wasn’t my place to ask.

The one thing I tried to avoid was bringing up anything negative that the press has ever said about Harry. I didn’t want to ask what the deal had been with Caroline Flack, or Lucy Horobin, or even Taylor Swift. I didn’t ask for his thoughts on the Larry Stylinson controversy that swarmed him. I didn’t ask about Louis or Zayn’s or Liam’s relationships. I didn’t ask about his current love life at all. As curious as I was to know these things, I knew it was because I wanted to know for my own personal benefit, and that made me feel a little guilty. Harry was right about that- I was awfully curious, but my reasoning wasn’t necessarily with the intention like he claimed all of his other fans had. I really wanted to see inside his world and how his mind really worked. And as much as I learned some of those things in all of that talking we did, I never asked about those things. It was never my place to know. Any of those personal things I had learned about Harry were all voluntarily shared on Harry’s part.

Throughout the night I kept notice to his body language. He was very warm towards me, leaning into me when he got excited about something he was talking about. He noticeably grew less and less reserved throughout the night, although he wasn’t all that reserved when we began talking in the first place. And whenever it was my turn to speak, he did look like he was genuinely interested. I was still trying to figure out why I captured his attention so much. And when I did, I often felt severely self-conscious. I wasn’t really wearing any makeup since I had been spending most of my day travelling, and it was obvious that I was no stick-thin girl. That would never be something that was in the cards for me. I came from a family of people who wore clothes in the bigger sizes, and I could accept that. But I was already self-conscious with everything I did on a day-to-day basis; how I sat, what I ate in front of other people, what I wore. And having Harry there for so long, it worried me that he would take the time to notice all of these insecurities about myself, and having your favorite world-famous person know the things that make you the biggest downer on yourself is nothing short of someone’s worst nightmare.

If Harry did notice though, he didn’t show any sign of being off-turned by it. He kept right on talking for all the hours on end.

We never once checked what time it was throughout our long conversations. We were too engrossed in the time we were having. All I know is, we talked well into the receptionist switching shifts with a nice looking lady, who upon entering the lobby, was told by the other man as not to ‘disturb’ us, because ‘we were being completely harmless.’ He didn’t think I heard him, but I did. It was a very sweet gesture from him and I would remember that for the rest of my life.

We talked until I started noticing that through the glass of the entrance to the hotel, it started getting lighter. The street lights had turned off, and the roads went from deserted, to the occasional car passing by. We both watched the sun rising through the glass, but neither of us had acknowledged the fact through words. I wasn’t sure that we needed to. Just watching the pink and soft purple and baby blue bringing the sky to life and revving up the day’s energy sort of spoke all on its own.

As we sat there quietly while watching the sunrise, completely content and at peace, I took the time to observe the change in Harry’s position from the beginning of the night. He was sitting much closer to me now, his body turned to face the lobby door. His long legs were propped up flat on the coffee table, his feet reaching roughly halfway across the expanse of it. He was sunk in quite a bit into the green fabric of the couch and his arms were crossed over his chest. They didn’t appear to be in a standoffish way at all; more relaxed, calm. I found it a bit odd because he didn’t seem nervous at all that his peaceful state could at literally any second could be so rudely interrupted, all depending on what type of person decided to wander into the lobby at that time. A part of me didn’t want it to end myself, although he was probably exhausted from staying up all night. But when would I get the chance ever again to speak with Harry? Our time was almost up, I could feel it.

“Can I ask you something?” Harry mumbled, disrupting my thoughts.

“Sure.”

He didn’t move from his position he was sitting in as he muttered,

“When you see something for the first time, whether its a person, an object, or a situation, do you ever get this feeling about it? Like, you’re so sure on how these things work, but then once you dive in deeper, you still realize you were completely wrong about the whole thing? And you just, have such a hard time accepting the fact that you were actually wrong?”

I could only stare at him as I mulled over his words. I didn’t think I was actually grasping on to what he was saying, because I sincerely believed he was just talking at that point. He looked so tired, the circles under his eyes were getting more and more prominent. He wasn’t always the one who made so much sense in interviews either, so I didn’t know how to respond.

“Do you mean to say that everything isn’t what it seems to be?”

Harry lazily rolled his head to my side, looking at me.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Then yes, all the time.” Particularly, right now.

We sat there in silence some more, just watching the hotel lobby grow in light, along with the rest of the world around us. A few old couples had entered the lobby to pass through the breakfast buffet. That’s when Harry sat up from his spot.

“I really hate to say this, but I think it’s best that I return to my room before someone comes down here that could get me in a lot of shit.”

I slightly frowned at his words.

“Yeah, probably.”

“But before I go,” He rested his hand on my knee and I practically jumped at the touch. His hand was so large he engulfed the whole thing in his palm.

“I really want to thank you. I can’t tell you how great it feels to just talk to someone that isn’t Niall, Louis, Zayn, Liam, or the rest of our team. I love all of them to death, but I can’t always connect with them on a greater level than football… Soccer”

Seriously, his attempt at American terminology was adorable.

“Or Fifa. I can’t always relate to them, because I am quite different. In that group of five, I really am the odd one out. And as many people in the world that would’ve loved to stay up until dawn just talking about nothing with me, it wouldn’t have meant as much to them as it would to you, I’m sure.”

I smiled quite small at his last statement.

“Well, you really are a fascinating person, even if you take out the One Direction aspect. It was nice getting to know someone who wasn’t one of my obnoxious friends that I can’t have an intellectual conversation with. And thank you for feeling like you can trust me. Because I’m sure that’s not something you feel you can do very often.”

“You’re right about that, but it’s not every day I can just sit down with a total stranger and converse with them for a straight six hours so easily.”

There was a beat of silence.

“We all start out as strangers.” Was the only comment I could muster in my foggy mind. I had a lot running through my head after these six hours.

Harry grinned and just looked at me for a few minutes before speaking.

“This might sound really weird, but I think you’re really pretty.”

Oh shit. No he didn’t, I was ugly. No, that meant he was gazing at my disgusting face all night.

I looked down and hid my face in embarrassment.

“No you don’t, shut up.”

“Why don’t I?”

I gathered some courage to look back up at him, a solemn expression on my face.

“Because I’m just average. That’s all I’ve ever been.”

“I don’t know why you think that, because I certainly don’t. If I can talk about the things I’ve just talked about with you to anyone, they are certainly much more than average.”

I looked down again.

“Well thank you.” I mumbled.

“And anyway, he continued. “I do think you’re really pretty regardless. I know you’d probably expect me to be more suave about it and act all sure of myself, but I thought it would mean more if I just told you I found you really pretty. Because you are.”

I think at this point I was trying not to cry, it was the greatest moment of my life.

“Thank you, again.”

“Another thing, I would like to, um… Keep in touch? I really did have a nice time just getting to know you, and I would hate to have to give up getting to know someone I had a really great connection with. Unless, you’d rather not.”

“Are you crazy? I would love to continue talking. People don’t do that enough these days; just getting to know each other and appreciating the time we spend together.”

Harry smirked as he got out his phone.

“Good. If I could get your number, that’d be nice. God that sounded lame.”

I laughed as we exchanged phone numbers, and he asked for my Twitter handle. We said a few more things before we were forced to depart.

“All right. I’m going to head back up. I’ll give you a ring, or shoot you a text or something later on. Probably when I get back from my show tonight, when I know you’ve gotten enough sleep after the crash you’re bound to have later.” Harry winked at me.

I bit my lip trying to bite back a huge smile, but it wasn’t very successful.

“That sounds great. Thank you, again, for giving me a chance to know you.”

Harry stepped forward so close to where our chests were almost touching.

“I could say the exact same thing. Thank you for listening.” He leaned down and wrapped me in a giant hug, and I absolutely melted in the embrace and the smell that radiated from his ungodly toned body. But what really killed me, was when he leaned down and planted a soft kiss on my cheek. I gasped and looked back up at him, our eyes meeting and speaking all on their own.

“I’ll see you, okay? Promise.”

He took my hand and gave it a kiss as well before he began walking backwards toward the elevator.

“Bye.” I whispered.

And with that, he rushed to get upstairs.

He was gone.

 

After getting back to my room, getting about two hours of sleep, and then travelling another several hours to our destination, we finally entered the Disney World parks. I was having a great time, but my mind was obviously wandering. I was struggling to be in the same place as my family, who kept asking what was wrong with me, and I had to keep reassuring them that I was just having a great time.

I got back to the room very late that night, 100% blissed out from the past twenty-four hours. I thought about that morning, feeling like it never really happened, and the memories I had made with my family after just being on vacation for one day. I absent-mindedly slipped my phone out from my pocket, not actually expecting what was displayed on my phone screen.

 

Hey, I was listening to some new music that a friend of mine showed me and there was this one song in particular I figured you would like, so here’s the link. I would love to hear what you think of it. XX

 

I smiled so huge at the message, but much more at who the message was from.

 

Harry.


	2. Chapter 2

It’d been two months since my first encounter with Harry.

We didn’t talk regularly at first; I felt like he should’ve been the one to initiate when we spoke, since he was the one with the crazy schedule that constantly needed to be worked around. So, I let him do that. It started off with a text sent here and there every few days, saying he wanted me to check out something he discovered, or to ask my opinion on something that came to mind. It seemed odd to me, and I thought maybe he was just finding excuses to talk to me. Then I thought, ‘No, he’s Harry Styles. He can talk to whoever the hell he wants to, and why would he even waste his time talking to me anyway? Who was I?’

Then one night after one of his shows a few weeks later, he texted me asking if it’d be all right to call me. When I initially received the text, I almost wanted to say that I was busy or something because I had really bad anxiety over possibly speaking again one day. I had, after all, been obsessing over the night we met ever since it happened. But I got myself together eventually and agreed to let him call me. I was afraid on how awkward it would be, but when he did call and I heard his voice on the first word he said, a flush ran through my body and I got so excited I thought I would scream.

We just talked, like our night at the hotel. I thankfully didn’t make it awkward, and I had easily begun to enjoy myself once we got into the swing of things. Sure, my palms were still sweating and my heart was still racing, but I was also laughing and giddy and happy, and I focused on that more than my nervousness. Whatever I’d been doing, I seemed to be doing it right, because Harry and I talked well over two hours on that first phone call.

After that, I finally decided it was now okay to initiate a text here and there. And then over time, he called a little bit more. Then they became once a day, then even more than once a day. However, I continued to let him determine when he wanted to speak on the phone since that got a little crazier than texting with a schedule like his.

Only a few of my closest friends got suspicious, since it was summer when I first met Harry and I didn’t keep the best contact with most of them during that time period anyway. And they only grew suspicious of anything, because Harry would call when I was with them and they’d pull that whole ‘who are you talking to’ bit. But I didn’t tell any of them, because I was dead-set on not making a deal out of nothing. The only people who really knew were my parents. Well, more so my mom. My dad was there when he listened to the conversation I had with my mom about the whole event when we returned from vacation, but he wasn’t really involved in that side of my life. Collin didn’t even know-- It was dangerous to tell him anything. He couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

Harry had even skyped me one night last week, but it was only for a few minutes. He wanted to show me something he had been working on and hoped to show to the rest of his bandmates. I didn’t think Liam, Louis, Niall or Zayn really knew about me, but I didn’t think there was necessarily anything to know about. And anyway, I didn’t really care. As long as Harry wanted to spend time talking to me, I was fine.

Harry was always in a cheery mood when we talked. Even when he was pissed off about something, he spoke of those things as if they were laughable or not to be taken seriously. It was probably just a cover-up to hide his true feelings on those subjects, and I would assure him if he was really mad about something he could vent to me; it was one of my own favorite past times, after all. It was also a funny thing when Harry was exhausted and on the verge of falling asleep. He spoke at a pace that was much slower than his normal, and it was astounding how long it took him to finish telling stories. It would actually make me tired myself.

Oddly enough, I did often forget I was talking to the most eligible bachelor on literally the entire planet. That was the thing about Harry; he made you forget. He was so normal and so relatable to all the people I surrounded myself with on a daily basis. He really was the huge dork that he portrayed himself to the public eye, and all of the hype that built up to his name was really all in the fact that he was just a celebrity, a performer. He insisted that he wasn’t like the rest of the people that were in the same industry as him, and it did almost seem he was over-glorified in comparison. That wasn’t to say I didn’t sill find him absolutely glorious and charming and all these other great things. I absolutely did; I just believed if a lot of his fans really got to know Harry on a level that I had over the past few months, they wouldn’t appreciate him as much as some of the others would. 

There were still a few things I didn’t speak of, and most of those were still those shitty rumors that were always floating around him. As much as I wanted to know about some things, I still kept my mouth shut because the last thing I ever wanted to do was upset the poor boy. Love lives were yet a topic to come up in one of our thousands of conversations, and I was grateful for that since I wouldn’t have very much to say on the subject at all.

 

I was laying down on my bed and playing a game on my phone when Harry’s caller ID unexpectedly popped up on my screen. A huge grin formed on my face as I allowed it to ring a bit before answering so that I didn’t sound too eager.

“Hey,” I tried to sound as casual as possible.

“Hey,” His gravelly voice responded. I felt my eyes roll to the top of my head at the ravishing sound.

“Are you busy at the moment?”

“Mm. Not at all. Why?” I propped myself on one of my elbows, using my other arm to hold my phone up to my ear.

“Well, I was wondering…” I knew it would naturally take him forever to get out whatever it was that he needed to. It often kept me on edge when I didn’t know what he would say. Now was one of those times.

“Yesss?” I drew out in a way as to mock his natural pace of wording.

“As you probably know, next weekend one of the stops on our tour is in close proximity to your house…”

“Yes Harry, I know. If you recall, you’ve already gotten me a ticket to the show. A backstage one, nonetheless.”

I heard harry snort through the line.

“I’m just seeing if you remembered.”

Of course I remembered, was he nuts?

“Anyway, I just wanted to see if you wanted to make more… Definite plans in advance. Which is why I’m asking now so that you have plenty of time in notice.”

“What ‘definite plans’ did you have in mind?” I rolled over onto my stomach.

“I was thinking, since the boys and I get in that Friday, maybe you’d like to come up to the hotel we’ll be staying at and meet the others officially, and maybe go out to dinner with us. I want them to meet you.”

I raised my eyebrows, I was shocked he wanted them to meet me.

“Do they even know there’s someone to meet?”

“I mean, it’s just gotten to the point where if one of the lads were to invite someone to join us going out or something, it’s really not a shocker, and the rest of us roll with it. I’ll let them know in advance though that I’ve got a guest joining us.”

I didn’t know what kind of reply I was expecting from Harry, but I was unsure on how to feel about what he just told me.

“Sure. I’d love to join you guys for dinner.” I was still working on trying to sound casual.

“Great.” From his tone I could tell he was smiling at that moment.

“And then Saturday, after the show, I know it’ll be quite late by the time crew packs up and gets us to the hotel, but I know I’m usually starved by the end of a show. Would you mind if I asked you if… This is going to sound really bad… But, if you came back to the hotel with us, and joined me in a really, really, really late meal then? All I want to do is treat you to a nice dinner, but the timing for Saturday night gets quite messy. So it’d just be much easier that way.”

I giggled at his flustering words, since he was normally cool calm and collected and it was weird to hear him freak out over ‘sounding bad’.

“Yeah, that sounds really nice.”

I heard Harry release a deep breath.

“Okay then, awesome! Sounds like a deal. Oh, perhaps you should test your napping abilities once again and see how well-rested you can get. You know, so you’re not falling asleep on me through dinner.”

I laughed louder than was probably necessary at the memory of two months before.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” There was a beat before I spoke again.

“I’m excited to see you.” I prayed that sounded as casual as I intended, although I was sure Harry knew how excited I really was, since I did tell him what a huge fan I was of One Direction, and Harry Styles when we first met.

And, you know, he knew he was Harry Styles.

Harry chuckled though, not making a deal out of what I just said.

“I’m excited to see you."

 

A week later, I walked into the lobby of the hotel at a notably reluctant pace. It was a madhouse to say the least, with a countless amount of girls and parents screaming throughout the lobby. Security was all over the place, blocking the elevators and ushering some of the crazier girls out. Some of them held posters up, as if the five boys were standing over the balcony looking over them, but there was nobody there. Others wore handmade t-shirts, or revealing outfits. There were girls all over the spectrum. Some were even crying, and it made me wonder if those girls got the chance to talk with some of the boys when they came through the lobby a couple hours prior.

I put my sunglasses in my purse as I slowly squeezed my way to the front desk like Harry had told me to in the instructions he texted me. I came face-to-face with a middle-aged blonde receptionist who’s short hair was pinned back in several bobby pins. She looked incredibly distraught and tired, and I certainly didn’t blame her. I was getting a headache just from being there for less than five minutes. So I made sure I tried to be as simple as possible.

“Hello.” I smiled sweetly, fiddling with my hands. “Um, I’m here visiting a friend. I was told to come to you and let you know so you could verify. I was told one of the security members down here is aware that I’m showing up as well? I’m Noah Shambro.”

“Ah, yes.” She frantically looked down and shuffled through a few papers before she grabbed a pamphlet and put it in my hand. It appeared to hold a hotel card in it, which confused me since I knew I wasn’t staying anywhere.

The receptionist seemed to catch my confusion, and she leaned down closer to me so she could speak so that I could hear her over the noise, but so nobody could hear her.

“It’s not an active card. Just carry it so others can see; it’s like a decoy. Go to the guard by the elevator, he’s the one expecting you.” She finished with a smile and wink, letting me know that she was in on our little secret.

I squeezed through the crowd, making sure I held the pamphlet out enough so others could see and wouldn’t get suspicious of anything.

I reached the guard and all he did was smile at me knowingly, like he knew I was the girl to expect.

“Go right on up, miss.” On his shirt, he had a One Direction logo on the right breast pocket, so it wasn’t as surprising he knew to look out for me.

I replayed the ‘plan’ in my head as I waited for the elevator to come back down to the lobby. The boys were on the fifth floor, but I was supposed to get off on the third floor, and go down one of the hallways directed that wasn’t viewable to the downstairs area. It would lead to a staircase in the back where I was supposed to take them up the the fifth floor, and it’d lead me right to the hallway where the boys’ rooms were. Those too were hidden from plain view.

I was honestly a nervous wreck by the time I reached the fifth floor. I was meeting four other guys I adored, and as much as I had gotten used to getting to know Harry, I still remembered he was a celebrity, and that put a lot of pressure on me. And I hadn’t even met the other four I was about to see, so I was excited to meet them on top of the nervous feelings I had. I was taking deep breaths and my heart was pounding and I was having problems swallowing properly and I was getting a little light-headed and I sent a quick prayer to God in hopes that he wouldn’t make me collapse right there and then.

Room 516 was where Harry told me to meet him at, and I sent him a text letting him know I was on my way up, so I was sure he was expecting me. I quickly adjusted my top, hoping it was slimming enough on me, fluffed my hair real quick, and knocked on the door lightly, taking a deep breath again.

Shit, I was so nervous.

There was a loud thud from the other side of the door and then a lot of loud laughter coming from several different male voices. I panicked because it sounded like there was a lot of people and I didn’t think I could handle trying to impress so many of them.

I breathed sharply as I heard a pair of feet come closer to the door, followed by more laughter. I could pick out Harry’s as the one coming closest to me.

“Stop iiiiiiiit.” He whined from right on the other side, and I smiled to myself at his playfulness.

The door opened slowly and Harry poked his curly head out from the crack. The grin already on his mouth grew twice the size when he saw me, causing my smile to widen as well.

“Hi.” He said quietly, coming the rest of the way out of the door and closing it mostly behind him, leaving his heel in the crack so it didn’t lock us out.

“Hi.” I said sweetly.

Harry leaned down and wrapped me in a hug as much as he could with the weird angle his body was in.

“How’re you?” He muttered into my hair before pulling away to look down at me.

“Go-good.” I choked, still very nervous.

Harry laughed quietly.

“Sorry, it’s a bit of a jungle in there. Are you nervous right now?” He raised an eyebrow at me.

“Yes.” I said a little too quickly.

“Hm. You didn’t seem half as nervous when you met me the first time.” He feigned fake hurt on his features.

“Well I didn’t know I was meeting you, and it’s easier to tackle one of you guys at a time. Not all four.”

Harry laughed again and lightly gripped my wrist. It really didn’t help anything though, because it just sent more tingles through my heart.

“Hey, don’t worry about it. They’re harmless. Just be yourself.” He backed up into the door and used his body to push it open again, still gripping my wrist and smirking at me the entire time.

I walked in and was overwhelmed with the scene in front of me. It was a single hotel room with two beds, but it seemed like the entire touring crew was stuffed inside. Zayn was on the far bed, doing something on his phone. Louis and Niall were on the other bed, as Louis was all over Niall’s personal space, showing him something interesting on his own phone. Lou was sat in a chair talking with someone who I didn’t have a clue as to who he would be. Same went for five or six guys in the other room doing other things, Liam made a sound that came from the bathroom, but I couldn’t see him due to our opposing positions in the room even though he had the door open. And then Lux was just kind of, sitting. In the middle of the floor.

It was a lot to take in seeing so many faces that I was so used to seeing through a screen, in person. I didn’t know which way to look, because I was astounded by practically everyone in the tiny room.

Harry dropped my wrist and made his way to Lux’s direction, where she looked up in great delight and began squealing when he picked her up. He then made his way back over to me, Lux on hip.

“Hey Luxy,” Harry said with an animated voice that did awful things to my soul.

“There’s someone I want you to meet.” He hoisted her up high on his long torso so that she was closer to my face.

“This is Noah. Can you say hi?”

Lux seemed to be in her own little world, mumbling baby gibberish as she grabbed a part of my top and examined the sequins on it.

Harry looked up at me and let out a light laugh.

“Don’t worry, that means she likes you.”

I smiled back at him before I looked back down at Lux and watched her play with my shirt.

“Harry, how did you… Who’s this?”

We looked up to Zayn looking at Harry expectantly, still holding his phone up to his face. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of Zayn being in such a close distance of me. I tried my best to smile at him but I wasn’t sure how it turned out.

“Zayn, this is my friend Noah. Noah, obviously you know Zayn.”

Zayn sat up and got to his knees on the bed, extending his hand to let me shake it. It was cold and smooth to the touch.

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“And you as well.” He said. “So how do you guys know each other?”

“Wait a second!” A voice called from across the room. Harry and I spun to see Louis eyeing us suspiciously. My heart flipped because he was so gorgeous in person and he was Louis Tomlinson and he was freaking staring me down. And then Niall was looking at me too and I had to look down because I felt self-conscious and I couldn’t handle it.

“Is this the girl I’ve caught you on the phone with a few times?”

I didn’t look up because I blushed madly. So Harry had make my existence known to the boys, or at least one of them. And even if it wasn’t intentionally, it felt good that I had been a part of his busy schedule that others started to notice.

“Mmm. You caught me.” He replied, his voice nothing short of sarcastic.

I made myself build the guts to look back up at all of the boys looking right back at me.

“Hi,” I muttered weakly, giving a slight wave.

“This is Noah.” Harry said as he came to my rescue. Then he smirked before adding, “She’s also a huge fan of ours.”

I immediately turned to him and lightly smacked him in the arm. I gave him a look of desperation, I really didn’t want him embarrassing me.

“Harry!”

He chuckled as he lightly pushed my back towards Louis, where it appeared he was coming over to wrap me in a hug. He leaned down and wrapped an arm around me, so I did the same. I got a whiff of his scent, and it was absolutely heavenly and I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I was hugging yet another member of One Direction.

“Well then it’s really nice to meet you.” Louis said with a smile.

Niall got up and gave me a quick hug as well and was nothing but polite. They both asked me a few quick questions which I gave light responses to before they went about doing their own thing again. It actually relieved me.

Harry leaned down and whispered in my ear.

“Loosen up.”

I lightly whacked him again before replying.

“Shut up. I’m trying.”

The other people in the room had dispersed for the most part, except for Lux, who still sat on Harry’s hip. She seemed to be quite engrossed with his red plaid shirt which looked so damn sexy on him I could cry.

Liam came out of the bathroom, also caught off guard with my presence in the room. Harry introduced us like the others, and he gave me one of the most breathtaking smiles I’d ever seen in my life. He’d spent a bit more time talking to me than the others, and it helped ease my tension greatly.

 

When we were out at dinner, it was a smaller crowd than I’d anticipated after first walking into Harry’s hotel room. I certainly wasn’t complaining because I was still overwhelmed with the fact that I was out to eat with the biggest band to ever exist. They didn’t make a big deal about my being out in public with them, so long as I didn’t ‘cuddle up’ to anyone and I wasn’t seen entering any of their hotel rooms. That, I could handle.

The entire band, along with Lou and some other guys a part of their team whom I didn’t know tagged along. They pushed a few tables together and just got right into chatting with everyone.

I was sat next to Harry, him on my right, with Liam on my left.

Zayn, Niall and Louis sat across from us, then Lou and the guys I didn’t know, then the rest of the band at the other end.

One thing I noticed about this group was that they differed from the large groups I was a part of. They were just as weird and through this point of view, were kind of hard to believe that they were selling out arenas and stadiums and all that. But, in a way, they were all so close. Everyone around this one giant table conversed with everyone, and I don’t think anyone was left out of some conversation all night; including myself. I would go out with my friends, and even the largest groups we went out in still in the end divided into posses.

I got to know a good chunk of people better that night, especially Liam, Niall and Louis. Zayn was just quieter, so I didn’t take any offense, and Lou asked me a lot of questions about myself, so I felt like she got to know me more than I got to know her.

Fans gawked, definitely. They were not a hard thing to notice. However, only a few actually had the guts to come up and ask for autographs and pictures, to which the boys happily agreed. A couple of them eyed me warily, since I was an unknown face in this team of people where the most diehard fans were supposed to know every single person. I just smiled politely and put my head down to avoid any confrontations and questions that I wasn’t prepared to answer yet. I was incredibly aware suddenly on how I sat, my posture, how my clothes looked on my figure, and even how I ate. If I were seen in any photos later that night, I at least wanted to look normal in them, not like a whale.

At one point in the night, Liam was showing me just how crazy his Twitter feed was during any time of the day. I was curious, after all. It was quite fascinating, because he could press the button that showed how many followers he had, look at the person who most recently followed, then went back to the home screen and immediately tapped on the button again, and the person that was the most recent last time went way down on the list.

I was so distracted by what he was showing me until I saw something fly out of the corner of my eye. I looked up to see Harry had thrown a piece of bread at Niall. I didn’t see why, but Harry gave him a playfully stern look, to which Niall laughed loudly and threw his hands up in the air in surrender. When I looked back at Harry and gave him a questioning look, he just rolled his eyes as to tell me to brush off whatever Niall was doing. Then he leaned down and whispered in my ear,

“You look really nice tonight.”

I buried my face in my hands and mumbled a few things before I awkwardly told him he looked really good tonight as well.

I met Harry’s line of vision several times throughout the course of dinner. It’d always end with him smirking at me then looking away. And it would leave my hands tingling every time.

 

We got back to the hotel, and I got out with all of the boys with from the car we all rode in. We all made our way up to their rooms as quickly as possible, while I made sure to stay behind by Lou so that I didn’t appear suspicious to the wandering eyes of dozens of girls in the lobby.

Once we reached the hallway that kept them out of view, I only stuck around a few minutes longer before I decided it was time for me to head back home. I really didn’t want to, but I had dealt with enough anxiety from these boys for one day. I needed a break.

I gave them all a quick hug goodbye, told them it was amazing to meet them and I was so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to spend an evening with them, and they said they enjoyed getting to know me and they’d see me tomorrow.

When I said bye to Harry, we were outside the room again, this time he grabbed a hotel card so he could close the door fully behind him. He was grinning at me wildly when we got out there.

“Well, someone finally let loose tonight.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed a little before leaning against the wall.

“Oh, hush. You still make me nervous, believe it or not.”

Harry scrunched his eyebrows then licked his light pink lips.

“Why?”

I paid close attention to the moisture still left on his bottom lip, and how kissable it looked in that moment while I spoke.

“Because, you’re you. And I’m me. And although I’ve gotten to know you a lot better, I’m still having a rough time trying to fully figure you out.” I made my eyes meet his forest green ones again, and I silently gasped as they were much closer to me than I anticipated.

“That’s funny. Because I’m still trying to do the same with you. As much as you say that you’re an open book and everyone can tell what you’re thinking all the time, I still see something in you that I know I need to figure out.”

I let out a small smile before avoiding his gaze again, eyeing the sliver of chest that peeked through his plaid shirt.

“Don’t get too excited. I’m still very much an open book, you’ve just got yet to skim all the pages.” I didn't know what Harry was expecting from me. I didn't have a huge revelation that was yet to occur. What could he have possibly trying to dig from me? Or better yet, why?

Harry let out a loud laugh.

“Doubt it. But, I wanted to thank you for joining me tonight despite how nervous you were about meeting the other lads. They really liked you.”

I held in a breath.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. They make it obvious when they dislike someone. Trust me, they enjoyed getting to know you. You must be quite the person to capture the attention of everyone so easily.” He smirked.

His last statement lifted the weight of my world from my shoulders and I released the deep breath I’d been holding. All I wanted was for One Direction as an entire unit, to like me. If Harry said they all did, I would have no problem taking his word for it.

“Thank you for having me. I had a good time.”

“Fans didn’t scare you off, did they?”

I laughed lightly.

“Harry, that really doesn’t bother me. Don't forget, I'm one of them too. I understand them.”

This seemed to make Harry really happy.

“You’re being serious?”

“Of course I am.”

He pulled me into a warm hug and I was completely caught off guard, pausing to react on time before I wrapped my own arms around his strong, warm middle.

“You’re awesome, you know that?”

“I know.” I joked, trying to ease the awkward between us.

He pulled away and looked down into my eyes.

“See you tomorrow?”

I patted his arm before I slowly started backing away from Harry, not tearing my gaze from him.

“Dude, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

And then I turned around, and I was gone. Without catching his reaction.

 

The next day was a bit rough for me. I had trouble sleeping the night before because I couldn’t stop replaying my previous evening with Harry for the life of me. I was happy, nervous, distraught and exhausted all in one. After tonight, I didn’t know when, or if, I’d see Harry next. I didn’t know if he’d want to keep communicating after he’d left tonight, or if it’d even be worth trying. I didn’t know his life very well, but I knew it was so packed for the next couple years to come already. Deep down, I was convinced maybe it was a good thing if this was the last night I saw Harry. I didn’t know how much I could handle having a panic attack every time I was about to meet up with him.

I got to the arena they were playing in that night with a heavy heart and a stomach full of butterflies, following the set of instructions Harry sent me again on how to get to him. I walked the path he set for me, and talked to the guards I ran into along the way. It really wasn’t all that difficult compared to how it sounded. It was actually kind of fun.

I made it to the hallway that held all of the dressing rooms for the performers before the shows, and I stood outside the door I was told Harry was behind. Again, I adjusted my clothes and fluffed my hair before knocking on the door. I was having extreme deja vu from the day before.

It hardly took any time before the door was opened and I was face to face with the guy who still had me sweating at the sight of him.

“Hello!” He greeted cheerfully, swinging the door wide open. I took in his tight black shirt and dark jeans that hugged his legs that I loved so much.

“Hi!” I greeted back, trying to match his enthusiasm.

He stood to the side, extending his arm in the room hinting for me to come in. There was nobody else in the room except for Niall, who was fiddling with his earpieces he used on stage. He looked up momentarily, giving me a half smile.

“Hey Noah.” He looked right back down to what he was doing.

“Helloooo.” I sang lightly, unsure if I even needed to reply.

I turned around and smiled at Harry before he wrapped me in another one of his hugs that just made me want to crawl into him somehow and possibly fall asleep.

“How’re you?”

I sighed, laughing a little.

“Tired.”

Harry chuckled.

“Didn’t get that nap in like I told you to?”

“Nah. I’m a risk taker,” I joked, waving him off.

“Dammit.” Niall suddenly hissed from the other end of the room, holding his earpiece in two pieces I’m sure weren’t supposed to be that way. He looked up and trudged out of the room, calling for a guy who I assumed worked in the technical aspect of their tour.

Things were silent for a moment in the dressing room as Harry took a seat on the counter, his back to the giant mirror, his legs dangling off but still dangerously close to the floor.

I avoided his gaze, my eyes roaming around the room, trying to take in how a popstar like Harry, went about using one of them every other night.

Harry was looking at me out of the corner of my eye, observing me. He didn’t say something until I settled me eyes to a corner of the room, pretending to look like I was eyeing something that captured my attention.

“You look pretty.”

My eyes met his immediately, a blush forming on my cheeks. I didn’t smile exactly, but I did give him a look with a mixture of surprise and flattery.

“Thank you.” I murmured. “But I really wish you’d quit saying that.” Although I didn’t, because who really wants to stop hearing their favorite celebrity telling them all the time how pretty they were?

A flash of appallment crossed his features, and he seemed genuinely offended at my statement instead of coming off like he was faking hurt. I felt bad that I made him feel that way.

“Why?”

I huffed, running a hand through my long auburn hair.

“I’m sorry. I just don’t really think I am all that pretty.”

Harry looked even more shocked, looking me up and down. And then I suddenly became very aware of how I presented my body, making sure I was stood up with nice posture and sucking in any excess fat that I could, actually feeling a moment of panic and hoping I didn’t look as large as I felt every second of my life.

“You’re crazy.”

I immediately tried brushing the whole thing off since it certainly was not a topic I wanted to get into at that moment. I mumbled another ‘thank you’ before taking a seat in a nice cushioned chair sitting across from him, making sure I maintained my good posture and adjusted my top to make sure it was as flattering as possible.

“So did you have fun last night?”

“Yeah, I really did, actually. You’re pretty lucky that if you have to leave home all the time, at least you get to do so with some amazing people by your side.”

Harry unleashed a huge grin before looking down and peeling some lint off of his shirt.

“Yeah, you’re definitely right about that one. But I’m really glad you enjoyed yourself. I hope you can do it again tonight without going into cardiac arrest.” He peered back up at me, hopeful.

I snorted, because how could he say I was ridiculous and then think I wouldn’t enjoy myself when I was about to go on a maybe date with him, and he was Harry Styles?

“Oh, I intend to.” I smirked, crossing my legs. “Did the other four boys really like me? Like, did they say anything after I left? Or did they not really care that much?” I hadn’t wanted to ask that question but I knew I would be dying to know the answer until I found out.

It was Harry’s turn to poke fun at my paranoia.

“Yes, they all quite enjoyed your company. They all had nothing but nice things to say.”

“What’d they say?”

Harry chuckled some more.

“They just said you were very nice. They seemed to find hilarious too. Liam and Louis both said they hoped they got to see you more in the future.”

My heart exploded at the kind words I didn’t think they’d say. They even said they wanted to see more of me in the future.

And that works out, because I’d quite enjoy coming around more often as well.

“Oh wow. That makes me really… Relieved.” I let out a deep breath. "Is that all they said?”

Harry just sat there and continued to laugh at my prying, but I didn’t care until I knew for certain what the other four members of One Direction thought of me. Surely Harry could see where this might be a big deal for me. Unless he didn’t, in which case that would really suck.

“Well,” He began, rubbing his hands on his jeans. “I’m not one to lie, so I’m not going to tell you that’s all they said, but-”

And the anxiety suddenly flooded back into my system.

“What’d they say?” I cut him off. 

“Hey, Noah, calm down.” He held his hands out and motioned for me to settle. “Don’t worry. It wasn’t anything bad. But I didn’t exactly plan on telling you anything else. I’m not sure it’s something you’d be too happy to hear.”

What the hell could they have possibly said?

“Harry, you can’t say that and then not expect to tell me the rest. You know it’s going to bother me. What did they say?” I gave him puppy dog eyes, hoping they did justice in showing just how nervous he was making me.

“Noah, it was just guy talk. It didn’t mean anything.”

“Harry…”

“I mean, it was mostly just Niall saying things.”

“Harry!” I stood up at that point, walking until we were just barely a foot apart. I was trying not to laugh at him since I was trying to be serious, but he was just too damn adorable to not smile at.

“Okayyyyyyy.” He said, laughing. “I’ll spare you the details, but Niall seemed to… Enjoy your company quite a bit.” Harry emphasized the word ‘enjoy’.

“What?”

Harry looked up, clearly feeling awkward.

“Niall said some rude things… and when I mean rude, I mean not very polite. He said some, uh, some graphic things about your…” Harry’s eyes slowly travelled down before they met mine, looking almost yellow in the weird lighting of the dressing room, before trailing them down further. They landed under my chin, and he awkwardly gestured with his head to what he was talking about.

I didn’t even have to look down.

“Oh my god.” I mumbled, immediately burying my face in my hands, utterly mortified. I knew he was talking about the abnormally large size of my chest. It wasn’t something I could really avoid. My bra size was often the butt of many jokes between all of my friends, and that didn’t so much embarrass me because I could normally laugh along with them. After all, buying bras wasn’t an easy task for me, since I very rarely found my size in stores. It was just very hard to try and hide them. That’s what I’d been trying to do the past two days, wearing things that didn’t exactly bring the most attention to my breasts, but according to Niall, it didn’t work very well. It had me assuming that it meant Harry too had probably taken the notice to my build. And as flattering as that could be, it was also self-awaring. If he had his eyes on my chest all the time, his gaze could travel down the rest of my body. And I’m really not a huge fan of the rest of my body either.

I kept my face in my hands as I continued to mumble nonsense while at the same time trying to adjust my elbows so that they were covering my chest. I could hear Harry laughing, having way too good of a time with my humiliation.

“I’m sorry, I thought you caught onto that. I really did, since Niall was being a bit obvious about it at dinner last night…”

I moaned really loudly again, not removing my hands from my face. So that’s why Harry was throwing bread at him last night. Who knows what Niall was doing right in front of my oblivious face? But now, I just wanted Harry to stop.

I felt him lightly grip onto both of my forearms, still laughing. And as much as I didn’t want to look him in the eye right then, I was still smiling at how attractive his laugh was.

He lightly tugged on my arms, slowly bringing them down from my face. I gave a slight pout as he still chuckled. As soon as he let go of my arms, I brought them right back up, crossing them over my chest, playfully pouting.

“I’m sorry.” He said again. “Please don’t be embarrassed. Niall has a rather foul mouth. Just take it as a compliment.”

“Mmph.” I mumbled.

“I mean…” His eyes travelled down to where my arms were crossed. “He’s right. They are very nice.”

“All right we’re done here.” I mumbled, turning around with plans to exit the room, but before I could get very far Harry had his arms around me and lifted me up lightly, and I looked up to see his face. He seemed to do it with ease, which really caught me off guard because I was positive that I weighed more than him.

We laughed some more and then the topic moved on to other things, getting into our usual conversations about whatever took zero effort. We had even gotten to the point where the silences weren’t anything but comfortable, which was a blessing because that pressure to say something during those silences didn’t exist anymore.

After a little while a stagehand came in and rounded up Harry, Liam and Zayn in tow. I followed behind them, allowing myself to be led out a door that led into a hallway, where I could get to the crowd without looking suspicious.

 

The concert was one of the most perfect things in my entire life, I swear. I laughed, I cried, all in all, I felt like it was parallel to a romantic comedy.

I didn’t get too much particular attention from any of the boys, except for Zayn at one point who caught my eye and let out a half wave. I chuckled to myself, since he just said hi to me for the first time that day while performing in front of a crowd of thousands. And then Harry had mentally pinpointed out where I was in the crowd early on, so he gave me occasional glances throughout the rest of the show. I didn’t mind at all; I was just happy to be there.

Before their last song began, I left the arena to go backstage from where I left previously. I stood on the side next to some of their teams and smiled while bopping my head to 'What Makes You Beautiful'.

When they made it backstage, Harry told me they had to help pack up and get stuff moved for travelling to their next destination in the morning. He promised it wouldn’t take long at all. I offered to help, but Harry refused to let me do so, and told me I was in trouble if I so much as lifted a finger. I kind of wanted to figure out what ‘trouble’ meant for me, but I left it at that.

It appeared Louis wasn’t all that enthusiastic about cleaning either, so of course his perfect excuse would be to converse with the ‘guest’. Clearly I didn't care, because it was Louis Tomlinson and I wanted to talk to him about anything regardless, but it was nice that he seemed genuine in the questions he asked me and the responses I had. I asked him a few questions myself, making sure I strayed away from sensitive topics I refused myself from Harry as well.

I left a few minutes before their team did so that I could get to the hotel and up to the room before all of the chaos that surrounded the band caught up with me as well. Harry said he had it all set up for me to go ahead.

 

When the crew arrived, after a lot of ear-splitting screaming from several floors below, Harry immediately entered his room, carrying one light suitcase of things for a one night stay. He smiled at me and laughed at the general madness of things over the past two days. I couldn’t help but join in with him.

Zayn had come in at one point to see if Harry wanted to go down to the pool with him and Liam, but Harry quickly shooed him out and told him he was ‘treating a guest to dinner’. I was so overwhelmingly happy at his attitude towards this simple event, that I didn’t care that I was getting my hopes up of even seeing the boys ever again, although I was aware that the better possibility was that I wouldn’t.

Harry ordered us room service through the phone and even slipped in a joke about ‘thank god the phone was working this time’ and followed by him giving me a wicked smirk.

We sat there on opposite beds, facing each other in polite conversation before he said he needed to run to the next room over and ask whoever occupied it, if he could borrow a couple bucks to tip the person who brought us our food for having to deal with the madness the band caused. I took that opportunity to bolt to the bathroom and flick on the lights, checking the state of my makeup and hair. I was grateful the outcome wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be, and I quickly wiped the smeared eyeliner from under my eyes as I walked out of the bathroom briskly, turning off its light and returning to my previous position on the bed, trying to put some color on my lips before Harry returned to the room.

He returned moments later, smiling a bit as he walked back in. We exchanged a few more words with each other before there was a knock at the door, claiming room service had arrived.

 

When everything was settled, Harry asked me if I wanted to eat out on the balcony since it was so warm in the room.

“Sure, that sounds really nice. You must be burning up still anyway. But, won’t there be people down there waiting for you?”

Harry raised his eyebrows in amusement before motioning me with his finger to follow him to the balcony.

“Not this time.” He said while pushing open the curtain and then the door. It revealed that on this particular side of the building, a highway ran it’s way through right next to it, the only thing separating the hotel from it was a very crowded parking lot. It was too full for anyone to want to waste their time down there to wait for a celebrity to come out on the balcony. And the next piece of land that wasn’t for cars to pass through was too far away for anyone to be on and see anything clearly with the distance. It was amazing, because so many people were out driving by, but at the same time it felt so incredibly private because nobody would take a second look at us.

And then I felt kind of stupid because this was my city, and I should’ve known this by now. But, whatever.

We sat down on the lounge chairs laid out on the balcony and ate in silence for a few moments. I laid back and shut my eyes, enjoying the breeze that slightly brushed my hair behind my face.

“It seems that you’ve reversed your roles recently.”

My opened my eyes and peered at Harry in confusion.

“What?”

“I’ve noticed that you get more nervous around me now than the other lads.”

I looked down, suddenly interested in my plate. I didn’t think it was that obvious. I grew more nervous around Harry as his gestures toward me showed more sincerity, and almost intimacy to some degree. It only added pressure to everything I put on myself when around the guy. His actions were unexplainable; the situation we were in was an odd one because I wasn’t sure why he was treating me to all of this fancy stuff. This was, after all, very possibly the last time I’d spend quality time with him. All in all, I felt less pressure when around all five members of One Direction as opposed to just Harry. I found it easier to be myself--more loud and outgoing, without all that pressure I set on myself.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, giving him a timid smile when I looked up from my food. It was so dark outside that I had problems making out his figure, aside from the slight glimmer of his defined jaw that was illuminated from the light of the room behind us. “I’m just trying to take everything in. I’ve had an amazing time this weekend. Thank you for this whole,” I waved my arms around in an awkward way. “Thing you’ve done for me. It’s all been really sweet.”

Harry slightly chuckled at my absurd gesture, then looked back down at his food momentarily before meeting my gaze again.

“Well thank you for dealing with all of my madness this weekend.”

I figured since this would probably be the last couple hours I would ever see Harry, there was no harm in my finally being honest with him.

“I didn’t mind. You know that.”

“Yeah…” Harry laughed to himself. “Thank you anyway for joining me. You didn’t complain once about all the shit you had to deal with, and I can’t say that’s something I normally see a lot.” He paused before speaking again. “You do know why I’ve asked you to all of these things, right?”

I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion.

“Uh…” I was quite lost with the answer. “Because we’re… Friends? No? Maybe? I don’t know.”

Harry leaned down and rubbed his forehead with his long fingers. Something was clearly paining him.

“Not to sound like a total loser, but I really like you.”

My entire body froze. Now, that could’ve meant a lot of things. He wanted to stay good friends, he wanted to keep in contact, I didn’t really know. But I certainly didn’t allow myself to believe he meant it in that typical middle school way of saying he had a thing for me. Because one, he was Harry Styles, and I was nothing more than average and that would make me a fool to believe such a thing. And two, I think if Harry had feelings for someone, he would’ve taken a much more suave approach about it than what he just did.

“Harry, that could mean a lot of different things.”

He huffed and looked back at me, the tiredness now evident in his eyes.

“I know. And I’m being lame right now. I’m not really sure why I am, other than I’m just a really big loser to begin with.” He shook his head a little to snap himself out of whatever trance he was in. “Okay, I’m going to try this again.”

He set his empty plate on the table beside us and I repeated his actions. He sat up straighter and scooted closer to the edge of his chair.

“You’ve kept my interest since we met in that hotel lobby. Now this isn’t the first time this has happened to me, because I do travel a lot and I do meet a lot of people, but you are the only person I’ve ever wanted to act on it with. I guess this is really awkward for me because we’re in an awkward situation. And I didn’t know how strong I wanted to make my interests known while I’ve been here, because I don’t know how overwhelming this could be for someone in your position. But I’m going to tell you this anyway-- I’ve developed feelings for you over these past few months.

To say I was shocked was an understatement. Too much started going through my head. How can you like me? I’m not that great. You actually find me charming enough to like me? I’m fat though. I really don’t see what you see. How the fuck does Harry fucking Styles have legit feelings for me? I’m not that special. Wow I’m too ugly for you. This is a rude game you’re playing on me. If you don’t think I’m ugly now, you certainly will if you ever get me naked.

I don’t know how long I stared off into space, but Harry didn’t push me or say anything more. When I snapped out of my frantic state, Harry was looking at me with worry and expectancy in his beautiful green eyes.

“I-I really don’t understand how you’ve been able to develop feelings for me in our second meeting. I-I mean it’s one thing for me to like, watch you for months on end, but… It’s, I don’t know. It’s different in your situation.”

I took a deep breath as my voice began to shake.

“I really don’t get this at all. You’re not supposed to like me like that.”

I looked down and he stayed quiet for a while until I peered up again.

“Why do you say that?”

How could I say that? How could he not see where I was coming from?

I gripped the roots of my hair in frustration.

“Because! You’re you and I-”

“Can we please forget One Direction and my worldly status for just a moment?” His eyes looked desperate and I felt awful for reacting this way, but he didn’t understand what he was doing to me.

“That’s the whole thing, Harry!” I was growing desperate myself now. Sure, I wanted this, every girl would kill to be in my shoes, but what did this mean? There were too many things working against me.

“If One Direction wasn’t your life, it would be very different. I would be able to swallow this whole thing so much better. But even if you were a normal guy, I would still find it hard to believe someone actually had feelings for me.”

I figured since the cat was out of the bag on Harry’s behalf, it was my turn to lay my cards out on the table.

“Because as embarrassing as this is for me to admit, I’ve never had a boyfriend. Ever. I’m not experienced at all. The most I’ve gotten was a kiss from a guy at a party who left for college four days later. No guy has ever showed interest in me ever, and I can’t wrap my head around the fact that the most yearned for guy in the world can find the traits that normally turn guys away, to actually be charming. I’m a girl from the midwest, and you’ve got top models clawing at you. I’m just trying to add this all up here.”

Harry sat completely still as he let me rant. The way he looked at me, made me believe that he understood I was having this meltdown more towards myself, not towards him.

“And if I could just bring up the elephant in the room, it’d be awesome.” I could feel tears threatening to form, and I hoped they wouldn’t come out more than anything at this point.

“I don’t look like most girls. We all very much know I look nothing close to other perfect people idolizing you. I’m built bigger, my skin is awful, and all these other things I can’t even actually bring myself to say out loud.”

This is when I looked Harry straight in the face for the first time. His eyebrows were scrunched out of concern or disbelief, I didn’t know. I felt the wetness on my bottom eyelids and I was sure they visible thanks to the lightfrom the hotel room, but I kept going.

“Actually, no. I’m going to say it. I’m just going to pretend you’re not Harry Styles when I say this, and then go and take a huge dose of Nyquil when I get home. But I have to, because when this is all out, then I’ll be able to breathe properly for the first time in months. But Harry, how in the hell could you like a girl like me? I’m fat. I’m sure I even weigh more than you. I’m completely insecure with every physical aspect in myself, and I’m ashamed of admitting all of this to you.”

I closed my eyes as a trail of water escaped through, but it didn’t get to travel far before I wiped it away.

“Yes, I’m still that loud and obnoxious and crazy girl you met, the one who isn’t afraid to say anything and is always honest, and no, I don’t use that as a front for my insecurities. But I still have them, and they still devour my mind every day.”

I opened my eyes again to see his brow furrowed deeper on his face.

"And now you probably think I'm a basket case who's crazy as shit. So, that rocks. Jus-just tell me how you can have feelings enough to want to act on them with a girl like me?”

It was no surprise that Harry was speechless at first when I finished. I looked up at the starry sky with humiliation hot in my eyes and obvious on my lips. I couldn’t see if he was performing any actions; I couldn’t look at him. I did hear him shuffle in his seat and then his boots hit the patio, and for a split second I actually thought he got up to leave.

“Can you please look at me?” He asked quietly, softly. I did, and he looked almost hurt.

“I would be saying something, I just really don’t know where to begin with all of that.”

I sniffed a little, silently thanking God that my tears stopped before they got bad.

“But I can say this; you’re wrong. You’re wrong about everything you just said. And to put this nicely, you’re perspective on things is totally off point.”

He got closer to my face.

“Have you really never been in a relationship? I find that hard to believe.”

“I didn’t lie about anything I just told you, Harry.” My tone came off harder than I had intended, and I cringed at my response.

“I didn’t think you were. But I would be lying if I said that didn’t shock me. You seemed so confident, and that’s actually really attractive and draws in a lot of male attention, Noah.”

“Yeah, well, I think I overshot that mark too.” I joked, actually trying to give a half smile.

He smiled too before continuing.

“And anyway, I’ve told you since I met you that I think you’re pretty and I still do. You’re certainly not…” He cringed as he said, “Fat. And as far as those other technical things you’re worried about, it’s crap. It really is. Because, I don’t just think you’re pretty. I think you’re quite beautiful, actually. And please smack me if I’m crossing the line here, but your curves and everything else you hate about yourself, I actually find quite sexy.”

“You think I’m sexy?” I asked in disbelief.

Harry looked taken aback.

“Yeah I do. You have these really big brown eyes and those really nice pouty lips and I hate bringing up celebrities at a time like this, because they’re all grossly overestimated as far as ‘perfect’ looks go, but you have these naturally sexy features that Hollywood finds super attractive that are really evident even if you’re not trying to show them off, or you’re hiding them.” And he paused, then his eyes got big at the realization of how bad that could’ve sounded. “And no I wasn’t talking about your chest size.”

“Okay, just stop.” I lightly laughed, thoroughly embarrassed.

“Anyway, you are really beautiful and just because you see a lot of photo-shopped images everywhere you turn, doesn’t mean you’re not as beautiful as the people you compare yourself too. It sucks that the rest of the world can’t see this, but imperfections are a blessing, because they’re a reminder that we’re all human and we all have our own crap reality to face when we wake up every morning, and it’s a blatant reminder that nobody is superior to other people. Not even the people we idolize. If you haven’t noticed by now, every shoot the band has done, ever, has been edited like mad. Honestly, my skin is not as flawless as those pictures. I'm actually a grease ball, like right now.”

I smiled at him, finding the acne on his strong features more than adorable.

He rested a hand on my knee, testing to see if it was okay.

“So quit comparing yourself to everyone. It’ll kill you. But it also takes time to do so, and since I’ve gotten to know you, I know it can be easier to brush those things off. But what I’m trying to say here, is that I did develop feelings for you. It was more than just in the couple times we’ve seen each other, though. I developed these feelings for you in your laughs through the phone, in your complete honesty on topics that can be hard to speak about, and in your headstrong, bullheaded personality. You’re determined, and caring, and this whole mix of things that I’ve never seen in a person before. It’s so intriguing.”

I met Harry’s eyes again and it did weird things in my chest that I couldn’t explain, but I don’t think I’d ever felt so anxious, yet so relieved all at once like this before.

“And I told you all of this, because I want to… Act” He began gesturing with his hands. “on these feelings.”

“You do?”

“Yes. Well, I guess I have to ask if these feelings are returned first.”

I awkwardly placed my hand on top of his that rested on my knee.

“You are so much more than I ever thought you would be. Thank you for making me feel like I’m actually worth something. But what exactly do you mean you want to act on these feelings?”

Harry turned straight to me and took both of my hands in his, which gave me a wave of warmth all over.

“I know you’re someone who is so unbelievably dedicated, that you could help make this relationship strong even when I’m away most of the time. I just know it so well. I know you go to incredible lengths for something you’re dedicated to. I’ve witnessed it with my own eyes. And I need someone like that. This is asking a lot, and I would be more than understanding if you didn’t want this craziness in your life, but would you be willing to try being in a relationship with me?”

My heart leaped to my throat and I actually choked on my own saliva. Harry got a lot of amusement from it as he rubbed my back until I got rid of my coughing fit. Although, the warmth of his hands delayed the process a bit.

“When would I get to see you next?”

“See…” He sighed. “I don’t know. It all has to do with schedules. It’s something that can easily be worked out with a calendar in front of us, believe me. I just don’t want to make you have to put in a huge effort to sort it all out if it’s not something you want. Because, I know there’s a lot more than that. It’s fans and their craziness and the sudden attention put on you and distance and a bunch of shit rumors to ignore; it’s a lot. I’ve seen it with Eleanor and Danielle and Perrie and it can be hard. And I promise you, I wouldn’t be asking you to do this if I didn’t think you’d want to, or be able to handle it, because I know it’s not fair at all for me to ask you to have to deal with all of this just for stupid ole’ me,” He looked down at my lips as he inched closer, and I panicked at the thought that maybe he would kiss me right then, but luckily he didn’t.

“But I do have quite a lot of feelings for you after this short amount of time, and I really care about you, and it’s been way too long since I’ve found someone that has been able to find any worth in being with me.”

He leaned even closer, true sincerity in his pupils.

“And I just hope you can find that in me, too.”

My heart was breaking at his words and pounding so hard out of nervousness and fluttering because I was so incredibly happy that Harry Styles of all people saw something in me. Of course I wanted to try a relationship with him. He was dedicated, and I was so ready to meet someone as dedicated as I could be. It just so happened to be Harry. As insecure as I was, Harry made me believe it all didn’t matter. And I knew this was a risk I couldn’t let down. I would find out if Harry genuinely cared as much as he said he did, because I could handle all of the shit his life would throw at me if in the end he could care about me like I would about him. I’ve always been that way, love being my greatest motivator for the people that surrounded me.

A smile crawled on my face along with a slight pout with tears forming in my eyes again, showing Harry how much his words touched me and what he was doing to me.

“Okay.” I choked out, sniffing back my tears.

Harry’s eyebrows skyrocketed up his forehead.

“Okay?”

I nodded excitedly.

“If your heart will be in it as much as you want mine to be, then I’m more than willing to take a risk. I care about you too, Harry. And your phone calls have always made me so much happier lately. I just want to be freaking happy. You do that to me. I’ve just needed it for so long.”

Harry flashed me his signature lopsided grin.

“Good.”

He stood up and walked around his chair, coming towards me again and bending at the waist of his large frame as he got in my face.

“Can I give you a proper kiss, now?” He whispered huskily.

I was actually overjoyed that he asked, so that I had some warning.

“I’d like to let you know that I’m so inexperienced that I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Harry laughed deeply but quietly as he in slow-motion wrapped his giant hand around the back of my neck. I was sure he could feel my rapid pulse somewhere on the surface of his palm.

“That’s okay. We can take this part of everything slow. As slow as you’d like. It’s actually really fucking cute.”

His swear word caught me off guard, but I giggled as he ghosted his fingertips across the back of my neck.

“Okay. But I would enjoy it if you kissed me though. Just don’t judge me.”

He gave a short laugh as he shook his head in disbelief. He was then peering in my eyes again and slower than any pace possible, he leaned closer and closer to my lips. He rested his other hand under my jaw, brushing his thumb across my cheek a couple times, sending shivers down my spine. He chuckled once more before tilting his head slightly, and that’s when I closed my eyes, anticipating his lips.

And then my lips were sealed with the most famous boy in history.

My bottom lip had been taken in between both of his. I felt his warm tongue swipe once along my bottom lip before pulling away, and right again connecting to the same previous position. I felt myself wrap a hand around his wrist that held my face, and we repeated our actions a few more times, only changing the position of our lips slightly, and him successfully getting his tongue in my mouth a couple more times with more licking before I was too paralyzed and had to pull away.

I sat motionless as we gazed at each other, him smirking at me.

“See? Not so bad. How was that for a proper kiss?”

“Only good for me if that was actually good for you.”

Harry laughed loudly again.

“What does this tell you?” And he grabbed my arm, pulling me up off the chair before he fell back against the balcony,taking my face in both of his hands. He literally pulled me up to his lips again, me somewhat on my tiptoes. It was short-lived like the first kiss, but sent a spark down my throat nonetheless.

When I was set back on the ground I had the goofiest grin on my lips. Harry was smiling back at me, clearly enjoying my reactions. I could feel myself blushing and I was thankful for the darkness outside.

Harry brought up one of his thumbs and slowly ghosted it across my lips once again.

“You’re really pretty.” He told me once again.

I was unsure of what to do with myself at this point, but I didn’t have to worry too much before Harry took my limp palm in his, lightly brushing his thumb across the back of my hand. It was sending shivers down my spine again, but I concealed them as best as I could.

“So what now?” I asked after a silence that felt too long to follow our previous actions.

Harry hummed as he contemplated the answer.

“I guess now we take the time to sit this down and work out the details of how we’ll make this work, and when we’ll see each other.”

His grip on my hand tightened has he lifted it up between us.

“Shall we?”

I smiled once more before I nodded. He led me back into the room and sat me on the couch as we began talking.

 

It was easy to work the kinks out using our words. That’s how we communicated the best, after all. I believed that if we never lost that great connection that got us talking like we always did, this would be a lot easier than I’d anticipated. Sure, there was more that came into play here, but if taking the risk meant that I could possibly find great happiness and hopefully, someone that could fall in love with me in the end, then hell, it was certainly worth the try.

I could learn to adapt to his life. I was sure of it. I wanted to make myself believe I wanted to make this work so bad for reasons more than because he was Harry Styles. And when I looked up from getting distracted at something while sitting on that couch, and I caught him gazing at me with this look in his eyes I wasn’t familiar with at all, I knew I found some of those reasons.

 

Because, this bond had the potential to transform from a small spark to a rapid-growing wildfire.

It had the potential to become something breathtaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these first few chapters are so rough omg. Please just bear, it gets better! This whole series originally started as a short one-shot, so it was difficult to easily add in back stories and such. More shall be up soon!


	3. Chapter 3

And thus began the experience of my all-new alternate life. Before I left Harry’s hotel that night in October, we discussed how we would make such a relationship work. Harry promised to call me every day like he was doing before we met up the second time. He said we didn’t have to make this whole thing known to the public right away; it would not help with the growth of our relationship. We figured out when we could see each other in our busy schedules and I was pleased to learn I’d get to see him more in the upcoming months than I originally bargained for.

 

I was ultimately bummed when I woke up the morning after his concert in my own city when I realized I wouldn’t be seeing Harry that next day.

It probably didn’t help that it was a Sunday and I still had to finish off my senior year of school while my newfound boyfriend was performing across the world, and looking all the more like a man and making me feel more like a child while tying down my schooling.

But sure enough, later that day I got a phonecall from Harry. We didn’t get to speak long because he had to get ready for a show, and it was a little awkward at first (more so on my part), but it was also sweet.

And it continued like that. Some days we got to talk longer than others. I didn’t have to worry about timezones too much for a while, since he was still touring in the US for more time to come, but he did call me. Our conversations differed from topic to topic, but that really wasn’t anything new because we could talk about toothpaste and we’d still have too much to say on the matter. Other times we spoke of our schedules and plans on how we would see each other. We found a system to set it up, and if we stuck to it I didn’t see how much of a struggle it would end up being.

A few weeks went by and things slowly but surely got more cozy between us. He would occasionally drop compliments that over time grew in the sweetness, as well as the adoration factor. Your laugh is adorable. I saw your Instagram photo and that dress looked beautiful on you today. My mom is going to love you when you meet her.

And I, of course, was sincere in everything I told him. That’s not to say I didn’t often find myself blushing through the phone.

 

Our first plan to see each other again was during Thanksgiving, where he got the long weekend off of touring. He insisted that he wanted to meet my family. Sure it was an awfully fast step to take, but we both came to terms that if we were going to do this, our hearts had to really be in it. And since we were both notably committed people, things were naturally going to travel at a faster pace than normal relationships. Well, as fast as a long-distance relationship can go. I knew at the start that this relationship wouldn’t follow customary terms, but I was in for the long haul and I had no problem handling things in this manner.

My family was antsy to meet him as well. When I told my mom about the whole thing, she was actually offended that I thought I could make her believe ‘such crap’, and it actually took a few days of convincing my immediate family alone. It was for those reasons none of my friends knew; not even my closest ones.

But eventually I got my mom and dad to come around on the whole idea of my dating a celebrity. It definitely played on Harry’s benefit that I had mentioned to them how badly he wanted to meet my family. I knew where they were coming from with their original reservations, and I couldn’t really give them all the answers to everything they wanted to know, but I assured them that both of our hearts were in this and if I felt like there was anything they needed to worry about, I promised to let them know.

 

So it went. I was ordered to pick him up from the airport, and I was more than shocked to see he was able to get halfway across the world without fans knowing where he was.

“That’s the thing,” he told me. “If us five lads really want something to be kept a secret, we could definitely pull it off. Trust me, I have my ways. “

When I picked him up I was more than elated to see him. We didn’t get to have some huge reunion though. We had an identity to keep secret. So, our greeting had to wait until we got trapped in traffic on the highway. It wasn’t much though; just a quick peck on the lips. I did crave more, but I was driving for one thing and Harry was determined to try and keep the physical aspect a little slower than the pace the rest of our relationship was going.

He met my family when I brought him home and he was nothing but a gentleman. He was respectful in every way he spoke to my parents and with the answers of the multiple questions they threw at him. At the time of Harry’s roasting session, I stood opposite of him sat down at our bar table, while my parents sat at the kitchen table to speak with him. Collin was the most intrigued with Harry, wanting to learn a lot about the money division in his life and ‘how he gets all the women’ and even ‘why did you pick my sister out of all the babes in the world’ to which Harry grinned at Collin simply, glanced at me, and replied with,

“Your sister is very lovely.”

That put more points in Harry’s book as my parents were there the witness the little exchange. And I wasn’t even mad at Collin for being a dick. Although I normally would have, I didn’t blame him for wondering the same thing that was kept in the back of my mind all the time.

 

On Thanksgiving, Harry was dealt with the paralyzing task of meeting my entire extended family on my mother’s side. And there was a lot of those. I had more than forty cousins excluding aunts and uncles, and most of the family was there.

Harry was baffled to see the end result of how many people were stuffed into my house when it was time to eat. And of course, it didn’t help that my mom had to introduce him to every single family member that walked through our red front door.

“This is Harry. Noah’s boyfriend. Yes, you’re right. He’s the guy from One Direction. Can you believe he’s dating my daughter?!”

And that only spurred more attention on my part since I was not normally the cousin to bring home a boyfriend (or ever for that matter) let alone a world famous one. And then I was asked how we met and how long we’ve been dating and then things switched to Harry a lot where everyone just had to know every detail of his life. Harry didn’t mind though. He took it all with a smile on his face that I just wanted to suck off of him. But I kept my distance because I’ve always hated those couples that were so close they had to pop each other’s back pimples in front of other people and whatnot. Plus again, I wasn’t all that educated in how affection worked so I kind of just let Harry lead that route, and I can’t exactly say he jumped at that opportunity. But it wasn’t like he was granted enough room to do so.

There was even a point where both Harry and I were in the kitchen with my mom and a few other relatives when Harry asked if there was any cooking or cleaning he could help with.

“Oh no, Sweetie, you’re fine. Just go ahead and take a rest, you must still be exhausted from your trip here.”

And due to Harry’s over the top chivalry, my mom whipped her head to me and threw me under the rug.

“Noah, why aren’t you helping me? Your own guest is offering to help out and you should be the one volunteering!”

I knew she was joking for the most part, but I rolled my eyes and lazily stood up anyway.

“Because mom, you know how much I enjoy cooking. Especially with you.” The sarcasm dripping from my voice was evident, but my mom knew I meant well and it was all in good fun.

“Wait, are you saying you don’t like cooking?” Harry asked incredulously from his spot at my bronzed kitchen table.

My mom and I laughed once in unison before I looked back at my boyfriend.

“Harry, I hate cooking.”

Harry’s eyes blew up at my response. He was practically gawking at me.

“How can you hate cooking?” The family members residing in the kitchen seemed to be getting amusement from our little bantering.

I laughed again.

“Are you saying it’s shocking to you that I hate cooking because I’m a woman?” I faked appalment in my voice.

Harry continued to give me the same bewildered expression.

“No. It’s just that… How can anyone hate cooking? I love it.”

“Yes dude. I know.”

“Harry,” My mom began, interjecting into our conversation as she chopped up some ingredients to add into a salad. “Noah here is so bad at cooking, that one time I asked her to make toast for us for breakfast one morning, and she forgot about it. The toaster caught on fire.”

Everyone in the kitchen laughed while Harry gasped in horror while I just rolled my eyes.

“Okay, I’m sure my mom is exaggerating that last part.”

“You want a bet?”

Harry threw his hands up and made a big scene as he stood from his chair.

“That’s it. I can’t be in this relationship anymore. I quit!” He playfully stormed out of the kitchen while my jaw was dropped in what was supposed to be surprise, but I was doing a terrible job of concealing my smile in the process.

Everyone in the kitchen, including my mom, was creating quite a commotion with the laughter from mine and Harry’s antics. I waited for a few moments in my spot before Harry came back around the corner again with a smirk on his face. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him, laughing at my giggling and lightly swinging me back and forth. Everyone in the kitchen cooed at us and made all these comments that I really wasn’t fond of, so I rolled my eyes and pulled Harry out of the kitchen to hopefully get to know a different side of my family.

There was no major trauma that day except for the occasional screaming match I got in with my mom or dad, which was kind of embarrassing for Harry to have to see, but he assured me he’d be lying if he said that scene wasn’t a familiar one he often found in his home.

He stayed in the guest room to obey my parent’s wishes. He didn’t complain though, and I didn’t either. I wasn’t comfortable with myself at all to be on that type of level of comfort with Harry.

The next day we visited my dad’s side of the family which was much smaller compared to my mom’s side. It was more intimate, and so it was an easier time for me to sit back and relax. Harry gained my grandma’s approval with his on-the-dot gentlemanly status, and keeping his hands off of me (much to my mom’s advice). And if Harry was able to win someone like my grandmother over, then that showed definite positive signs for our journey ahead.

The rest of the weekend was spent primarily in the comfort of my own basement, watching movies and having our world famous talks. It was nice that my family had the decency to not bother us all that much while he was here. My mom knew how much this meant to me, and it helped ease a lot of the embarrassment on my part.

I made sure I got up early though each morning, putting on enough makeup to at least bring out my features and not look like garbage.. And that I was in presentable clothing, such as jeans and a t-shirt. I told myself mentally I wasn’t in the clear with Harry to be able to pull off the scary version of myself with zero makeup and sweatpants.

He didn’t seem to notice though. Harry’s primary concern genuinely seemed to be spending time with me. We talked so much more and even though most of our time was spent on opposite ends of the couch, occasionally placing our feet in the other’s lap, I didn’t feel the pressure I normally felt when anything dealing with Harry was brought up.

“You have a great family.” Harry said that Saturday, the day before he had to leave.

“You think so?”

“Of course I do.” He smiled and lightly brushed his sock-clad foot against my ankle.

“Well that’s good. My family seems to like you as well. Love you even. Especially my grandma. And let me tell you, that is not an easy feat to pass over.”

Harry laughed, still brushing his foot against mine.

“I’m really glad to hear that. It seems every family’s got one of those though.”

We talked a few minutes more before Harry unexpectedly got up to his knees and then bent down to me, getting in my face and softly kissing me for what was probably only the fifth time that whole weekend.

“You’re really pretty.” He whispered after our short-lived kiss. His smiled as I bopped his nose and muttered a ‘thanks.’ Harry never failed to tell me at least once every day that he saw me that I was pretty. And although it wasn’t much, and you’d expect a lot more from Harry Styles, it held much more sincerity that way and he had me believing him more than I do other people.

Things were silent as he plopped back down on his side of the couch before I spoke again.

“Can I ask you something? Is this…” I motioned with my hands between us, indicating our relationship. “Nice for you so far? Or am I being way too extremely awkward and less intimate than you would like. Am I doing anything wrong here?”

Harry laughed at my anxieties and sat up a bit.

“No, Noah.” He reached across the cream blanket spread on both of our laps. “I understand your being nervous and everything, but you just need to relax. You’re expecting way too much of yourself here and you’re psyching yourself out in the process.”

“I know, I know.” I huffed. “It’s still really hard to wrap my head around, though. It’s hard to believe I’m sitting right next to someone who’s face is on magazine covers and in commercials and practically every major website known to man, let alone kissing and touching that person. It’s even harder to get into my brain said person has an attraction to me.”

Harry laughed some more as he lifted my hand up and placed a light kiss to the back of it, sending tingles through my thighs before he dropped it carelessly.

“Well that is quite true. I’m certainly attracted to you.” He winked, and I blushed in response. “But this does remind me; we need to discuss something.”

I looked up at him, momentarily horrified.

“Calm down. It’s just about our next time seeing each other.”

I huffed a breath of relief.

“What about it?” We were set to see each other next when I was on Christmas break from school. It was decided that I would take a flight out to London in the evening on Christmas day, and arrive sometime early the following afternoon.. I was planned to stay until the second day of the new year, leaving me two days to gather my bearings before I hit the ground running on my very last semester of High School.

“I just want to make sure we know what’s going to happen. Are you sure you want to make this public when you come back?” Harry gave me a look with a mix of intensity and expectancy.

“Do you not want to?” I asked back.

“Don’t ask me on this one. I’m used to all of this bullshit. If you’re ready to get this whole thing over with, I’m all in.”

I gazed around the room, suddenly unsure of my answer with the way Harry was pondering at me.

“Noah, I’m not asking you because I’m trying to change your mind. I know you’re aware of the consequences of the backlash that comes with this. I just wanted to make sure we were on the page, here.”

I was still reluctant to answer, going through my mind all of the details. When I didn’t answer again, Harry spoke up.

“If you say you’re ready to deal with all of this, you won’t be dealing with it alone. I’ll be there supporting you and defending you in any way I need to. And if you say you’re not ready for this, the same thing still applies.”

I contemplated every aspect of the dilemma a few moments more before I said anything. I took in a deep breath.

“For me, it’s now or never.”

He smiled and took my hand again.

“Good. I’ll have a chat with the team when I get back and we’ll discuss the… Safest way to go about this.”

I gulped. “Safest?”

“That was a poor choice of wording. I should’ve said ‘wisest’. I’ve seen how these girls react to people I haven’t even ended up dating in the past and it’s quite a bit to take in at once.”

Harry told me all of this as if I didn’t know. He forgot the detail that I’d practically followed him around via internet for a year prior to our meeting.

I sighed and looked down, picking at the blanket. I would have no problem in allowing Harry to take this situation in his hands. I’d learned to trust him in a short period of time.

“All right.” I mumbled. “Let’s do this.”

 

Harry went back to London for a few days before he continued with his never-ending tour. November turned into December, and the Holiday spirit crept up onto my town in the Midwest. There was a lot going on this time during the year, so I often found myself too engrossed in a project of mine to sit in a corner and play an infinite stream of Harry through my mind. I never thought that would be the case, because when you’re in a situation like the one I’m in, you think Harry would never leave your mind. And I guess he didn’t really ever completely disappear from my head, but he wasn’t my primary focus all the time.

We still talked every day. When we weren’t on the phone for the allotted time the day would give us, we were having a continuous conversation through text whenever one of us found the time to reply.

The number of friends in my huge social circle increased in curiosity as to what exactly was going on with me. I didn’t let anyone see my phone for any reason anymore, and I always made sure I never left it lying around since there was a good chance a text would pop up from a certain someone who would definitely have others raising their eyebrows at me. I seemed giddier all the time now, and some of my closer friends had come to their own conclusion that there was certainly a guy in the picture, but were clueless as to who it could be, or why I was being so secretive about the whole ordeal. I was so open about the rest of my life anyway.

And not all of my friends were clueless now. Only my very best friend of my entire life, Maria, knew about Harry along with our other close friend, Renee. And even then, it was a similar episode in trying to convince my parents that I was actually telling the truth. All in all, I didn’t find it worth trying to convince everyone. They’d find out soon enough.

It was nice though to have Renee and Maria in the clear though, because as Christmas grew closer, I stressed more and more about finding a Christmas present for the damn popstar. What did you give the person who already had everything?

“You need to get him something more personal then. Not so materialistic.” Maria told me.

That didn’t help.

My mom, Renee, and Maria were all sat at our table at one point throwing out ideas on gifts for Harry, but none of it seemed to do me any justice. It wasn’t until I almost had a panic attack one night that I decided it was time to refer to one of his bandmates.

“Hello?” Liam answered.

“Liam, is Harry around you at all?” I asked, straight to the point.

“Uh… No. Why?”

“Dude. I give up. I have no idea what to get the damn kid for Christmas.” I groaned in defeat as I leaned against the wall in my room, forehead planted.

Liam had a nice little laughing fit before he said anything.

“You’ve probably been worrying about this for a while, haven’t you?”

“Yes. And it’s not easy getting gift advice from people who don’t know this stress I’m under right now.”

“Noah, you know if he knew you were trying to get him something, he would tell you to stop it right this instant.”

“I know. He wouldn’t be a good boyfriend if he didn’t.” Liam chuckled at my statement. “But I think we all know I’d get him something anyway. So please help me because I’m dying over here.”

I heard Liam sigh over the other end.

“Well, I can tell you he wouldn’t want you to try and spend your life savings on something for him either. And I can tell you if you did, he’d be genuinely upset.”

“I didn’t plan on spending that much anyway since I hardly have an income as it is.”

“All right.” Liam said, contemplating my options here.

“You know,” he said after a while. “It’s obvious he has a lot of things. And being the man he is, it’s a lot of nice things. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t find a way to help him personalize a lot of those nice things.”

I stepped back from the wall and rolled my head to the ceiling, utterly confused.

“What?”

“Okay. For example, all five of us have these really nice watches that we received as gifts from our management team. Like, these are top-of-the-line watches. But but that doesn’t mean they’re unique in any way. For my last anniversary with Danielle, she engraved some things on the underside of my watch. It’s really personal, and although it’s not noticeable in plain sight, knowing it’s there makes the watch feel more like mine than Louis’ identical watch sitting on the table next to me.” There was a beat. “But don’t personalize his watch. It’d still be pricey with the type of wristwatch he has. Do you see where I’m getting at?”

I smiled to myself, finally able to conjure up something in my head.

“Yeah. Yeah, that actually really helps a lot. I’m not really sure on what exactly I’ll get him, but at least I have an idea now.Thank you so much,”

“Oh it was no problem, really.” Liam said in his naturally sweet tone. “And another thing, on behalf of all five members of One Direction, sweets are always a great choice.”

I laughed at his last comment.

“That, I can definitely work with.”

 

Christmas finally rolled around and for the most part it was fairly enjoyable. It wasn’t until the evening that things started getting hectic. I didn’t get to visit with my relatives for very long since I had to leave at six to catch my eight pm flight. I went through the usual departing farewells as I always did when saying goodbye, and my mom gave me the typical ‘be safe’ and ‘call me when you land’ and I promised I would over and over again before my dad finally dragged me out of the house before I was cutting it too close to being late.

When I went through all the typical motions of airport security, I gave a short goodbye to my dad and he went through all the same motions as my mom before leaving. When it was time to board, I sent Harry a quick text informing him of that, not expecting a reply since it was almost two in the morning his time. Needless to say I was a bit surprised when I felt the vibration of my phone in my hand.

"Good. I can’t wait to see you. Please try and get some sleep tonight though. I’m having a rough time trying to fall asleep myself."

I smiled at his cuteness before I told him I’d try my best.

 

I tried as best as I could to relax while on the ten hour flight, but a lot was going through my head at that point. Harry said he would meet me at the airport, just him and a couple security guys. People would know where he’s at. Paparazzi would be there, and then over time more and more fans would show up. And then I’d be there, and he said he just planned on taking my hand and escorting me to his car. Harry said that’d be the easiest way to make our relationship known to the public, since it would cause primarily only speculation and I could ease myself into all of the sudden attention.

I tried not to text Harry all that much since I wanted him to get some sleep, but on a flight by myself for ten hours with nothing but the thoughts that as soon as I got off that plane my life would be changing drastically, it got kind of lonely.

I dozed off here and there but the truth of the matter was that airplanes did not make very good bed substitutes. I didn’t get a text from Harry until roughly eight hours into my flight, and by that point I was so antsy that just by looking at his text, I was brought great ease.

"I’ll be leaving my place in about a half hour. Are you ready for this?"

 

"As ready as I’ll ever be. I just wanna see you. :)"

 

"The feeling’s mutual. :) I’ll be right outside the gate when you land. You won’t have to walk very far alone. See you when you get here. XX"

 

I sat there wondering, just how perfect could Harry Styles be? 

 

By the time my plane landed I was bouncing my leg rapidly and running my hands through my hair repeatedly. I couldn’t really figure out why I was so nervous since I was sure I was imagining the scene awaiting me to be worse than it actually was.

I was able to exit the plane and get my luggage shortly after so that I didn’t have to wait for it to come around on a terminal. As I was walking down the hallway after getting off the plane, I heard a huge crowd of noise bustling around. It was odd to me, because normally other people at an airport were so set on getting to their proper destination nobody really bothered to stop and make commotion.

And then I entered the actual airport facility. I was stopped dead in my tracks.

The crowd outside the gate was huge and I knew in an instant why it was there. Cameras were flashing every which way and the crowd was a mixture of teenage girls with their phones out and older men with the cameras. I don’t know how long I stood there blocking the way for others who were on the same flight as me to get out, but it took a pretty long time for me to comprehend that the crowd of people was blocked off by a group of security guards I recognized from One Direction’s team, along with several members of airport security. I was so dazed and lost and I couldn’t even find Harry in the crowd. It took me a while to find the general direction in which the crowd was looking at, and when I followed it, I found Harry on the inside of the flight’s gate, leaning against the far wall and staring me down, waiting for me with a smile on his face.

I laughed a breathy sigh of relief as I reluctantly stepped forward, using my body language and raising my eyebrows asking if I could advance forward some more. He gave me a single nod back.

I eyed the crowd some more before I quickly strutted my way over to the towering boy who had my heart thrashing as much as my feet were walking.

As I drew closer I felt the air around the crowd grow rowdier as people’s shouting increased. I couldn’t bring myself to look their way, and for several reasons. So I kept my eyes trained on Harry, who did the same with me.

When I reached him, he instantly leaned down to nuzzle his nose to the crown of my head. And as he did, the shouts and shrieks became ear-piercing. I wrapped an arm around his solid middle, quickly pressing myself to him before letting go and peering up at him, cringing slightly at the noise and flashes.

He pointed to his head and tilted it down slightly, indicating for me to keep my head down as we travelled through the masses. Harry leaned around me and took the suitcase from my hand before quickly wrapping my other in his. It did weird things to my body, finally holding hands with Harry and and feeling his palm completely encasing mine, sending a shot of warmth through my veins.

Harry tightened his grip before turning around and walking head-on into the waiting crowd, face turned down. I mimicked his actions, looking down as I carefully picked out some of the lines being shouted to us. ‘Harry who is she? Harry, is she your girlfriend? What’s your name? Who are you?’

I heard security ahead of us, forcing people to make room for Harry and I. Harry clung to my hand tighter as cameras began to get in our faces, fighting the urge to say anything to anyone. He didn’t even stop to take pictures with fans, or even explain to them that he couldn’t for whatever reason. He kept us in this single position until we finally made it outside, a car with a driver awaiting us.

Harry handed my suitcase to one of the security guards who went around to the trunk, while another opened a door for us in the back. We slid across the dark leather of the seats and Harry let go of my hand only to wrap his entire arm around my shoulders, pulling my face into his chest to shield me from the continuing camera flashes and screaming girls getting past security to bang on the car windows. I felt him keep his head down into my neck until the vehicle safely pulled out of it's spot and onto the highway.

When he pulled away we both got in our proper seats, not saying a word as we buckled our seatbelts. He finally looked up at me, chuckling slightly.

“You all right?” He asked breathlessly.

I laughed a little and rolled my head back, resting against the seat.

“That was intense.”

He laughed again, taking my hand and rubbing circles on the back of my palm with his large thumb.

“Sorry about that.”

“No, it’s all good. I’m good.”

“Good.” He agree, leaning over and sealing our lips in a kiss. “I missed you.”

I felt adventurous at that moment, craving the popstar more than I did on a normal occasion. I wrapped my arm around his neck, grabbing his chocolate curls and pushing him to make our lips meet again.

“I’m pretty sure I missed you more.”

We went back and forth a bit more, him telling me I looked pretty as always and me getting embarrassed yet again and other silly, simple things.

“Did you get any sleep like I told you to?”

I laughed. “No, unfortunately. I tried, believe me.” On cue, I let out a giant yawn, covering my mouth. “Did you?”

“No. I’m not going to lie. I was too amped up about seeing you.”

I blushed and playfully whacked him, adjusting my body in hopes that I was sitting a position that looked flattering on me.

“Shut up.” I mumbled.

Harry laughed as he continued to hold onto my hand.

“I’m serious! I was leaning against that wall because I was afraid I was going to topple over. I was getting a massive wave of vertigo back there.”

“Mmm. I believe it. I was struggling with the same thing when the exhaustion hit me however many miles up in the air.”

Harry let out a yawn of his own.

“Are you as tired as I am right now?”

“If not, then more so.” I replied, leaning across the seat to rest my head on Harry’s broad shoulder.

He chuckled a little, the vibrations softly jostling my head.

“How about when we get back to my place, we rest for a little while, and then I can give you your Christmas present I’m so anxious for you to see?” Harry held a smirk on his face.

I smiled, cuddling even deeper into Harry’s side.

“That sounds heavenly.”

We spoke in light conversation the rest of the way of Harry’s place, stealing the occasional peck from one another. It was a beautiful feeling that our relationship was hinting at obvious growth over the past months, since Harry had kissed me in that solo car ride more than he had in our entire relationship thus far. It proved we were doing something right despite the unruly distance. It gave me hope.

We were able to get inside Harry’s place without more than a couple fans camped out in front. We hadn't made eye-conact with them, and I honestly didn’t feel bad with the avoidance of them, since it seemed my poor boy was never able to catch a break.

Once inside, I was taken aback at the scenery in front of me. Of course I expected a gorgeous house, since he was Harry Styles and I didn’t expect anything less than extraordinary from him, but that didn’t take away the shock. Harry stood behind me as he let me gape at all contents of the interior of his home.

“Wow, this place is beautiful.” I whispered.

Harry hummed from behind me, and I turned around to face him.

“Being rich must rock.”

He laughed loudly and took my hand, slowly leading me to the living room. I took in everything as we passed.

“It’s got it perks, definitely. Can’t complain too much about it.”

Harry shrugged his jacket off along with his shoes once we reached the living room. I did the same, and when I was standing in only my charcoal tights, my height decreased drastically, and I found my head level with his diaphragm.

“You’re really short.” He commented. “Wonder if I can pick you up.”

I stared in horror as he squat down to my height, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“No don-” I began squealing, utterly afraid that he wouldn’t be able to lift me with my weight.

But he proved me wrong as he lifted me with complete ease. I squealed a little bit as I clung to his neck for dear life, him keeping me pressed to his chest. Our noses touched as we gazed into each other’s eyes momentarily.

“Can I do something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time now?” He mumbled.

“Y-yeah.” My voice shook with the adrenaline coursing through my system due to the close proximity of our faces.

He took a couple strides over to his dark purple couch and tossed me down on it. I hardly had time to sit up properly against the material before Harry came down to my level, resting his knees on the couch as he straddled my right leg and had his face touch mine once again, our eyes only centimeters apart.

“This okay?” He whispered, a smirk apparent on his lips. He reached out to leisurely brush the beanie off my head and tossed it to the glass coffee table behind him. His arm came back to brush come of the chestnut strands from my eyes, allowing me to feel the cool metal of his rings through my scalp.

I took the hand he placed on my face in my own hand, grazing my fingertips across his smooth tan skin.

“Yeah.” Although I wasn’t really sure what I was ‘yeah’-ing.

Harry’s other large hand came up to creep around the back of my neck, cupping the entire expanse of it as he pushed me closer to his face, making our lips unite in a heated kiss. Instantly, Harry’s tongue made its way into my mouth, caressing my own and still sucking on my top lip in the process. I was a bit taken aback by his sudden rough actions. I wasn’t used to this by any means, but I certainly wasn’t complaining.

I tried my best to do what felt right, occasionally using my own tongue to fight for dominance in his own mouth. I must’ve been doing something right, because a soft moan came from his flushed lips. I don’t know why it had me blushing, but it made me squeeze the bicep of his that I was holding onto a little bit harder, our lips not tearing apart.

I was vaguely aware of our body positions. I had begun slipping from the back of the couch, and Harry’s body chased my own as I toppled to the side, head landing on the armrest. Harry took the opportunity to crawl onto the couch the rest of the way, towering over me now as he propped himself up using his enormous hands, resting on either side of my head. My hands came back up to grip onto his arms, tracing and feeling the taut muscles under his burning skin.

I don’t know how long we lasted like that for, but when Harry finally pulled back to sit on his knees and admire my state, his lips were transformed from a pale pink to a scarlet red, also changing the color of the now raw corners of his mouth.

He was panting slightly as he grinned at me.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to do that.”

I giggled a little, rubbing my lips.

“Can’t say I disagree with that. Was that… Awkward?” I cringed at myself as I finished those words. If our first makeout session wasn’t as awkward as I was thinking it was, the last comment sure as hell did me in.

Harry laughed at me as I covered my face in embarrassment, leaning down again and taking my lower lip between both of his, gently tugging on it before pulling away.

“You need to quit being so paranoid about everything.”

“Sorry. It’s what I’m best at.”

“I’ve noticed. “ He murmured, bringing his thumb up to my lips and tenderly brushed my lips before an unsuspecting yawn overcame me.

“Did that wear you out?” He joked.

I rubbed my eyes after swatting at him.

“No, the old man sitting behind me on the plane with the terrible sinus condition wore me out.”

Harry chuckled at me as he got up from the couch and walked over to the banister leading down a flight of stairs where he grabbed a beige blanket.

“My poor girlfriend.” He commented as he walked back over to me.

Hearing the word ‘girlfriend’ rolling off Harry’s tongue was odd. People normally associated him as the celebrity who had flings, not relationships. And it was an even weirder feeling knowing he was referring to me when he said it. I often found myself sitting in my room by myself, muttering ‘I’m Harry Styles’ girlfriend’’ and not even believing it. So, to hear Harry himself was more than surreal.

“What?” He asked, snapping me from my thoughts. I had been in a daze, unaware that my eyes were of course resting on Harry. He was smiling at me, holding the blanket up by the corners, as if he were about to envelope me into it. I grinned back at him.

“You’re just awesome.”

Harry snorted as he gently placed the blanket over me, covering my shoulders and smoothing it out down the rest of my body. He rubbed heated circles into my thighs when he reached them before tracing his nimble fingers down the rest of my legs.

“I knew that.” He leaned back to the other end of the couch, resting his head on the opposite armrest of mine. He reached down and grabbed a pillow that had fallen on the floor and lightly tossed it on my lap before settling down and getting under the same blanket as I. He pulled his arms out of his cocoon, grabbing my foot and rubbing the top soothingly over the material. I playfully wiggled under his touch.

“Rest up. I want to give you your Christmas present.”

“You know, you could just give it to my now.” I joked, rubbing my tired eyes.

“No.” He pinched my toe. “I want to wait until we’re both less likely to topple over.”

I rolled my eyes and adjusted myself so that I was more comfortable. I really couldn’t argue; my eyes were feeling heavier by the second.

“Fine you weirdo.”

Harry chuckled as he adjusted himself.

“Goodnight loser.”

 

I was awoken by a warm hand grazing up and down my arm. I groaned, turning around to lay on my back as I stretched within the confines of the couch. My eyes peeled open to see Harry sitting on the edge, smiling down at me. There were slight lines under his eyes, indicating he just woke up himself. A tingle of heat coursed through my system at the lovely view in front of me.

“Morning.” He joked.

I grumbled again and took his hand that was rubbing up my arm and made a dramatic show of putting it on top of my face, shielding my eyes from the light that now illuminated from the kitchen.

“What time is it?” I questioned from under the mass of his palm.

“About half three.” He said between laughter, pulling his hand away.

We stayed frozen in momentary silence, Harry staring at me while I played with the rings on his fingers. That is, until I remembered what Harry said before we fell asleep.

“Presents!” I shot up and pulled the blanket from my lap as I stood up.

“Don’t you want to wake up first?” Harry called as I made my way to the foyer where he left my suitcase.

I didn’t reply as I drug it into the living room where Harry still sat, eyebrows scrunched in amusement.

I sat back down next to Harry and huffed, smiling at him.

“Can I give you your’s first?” I begged.

Harry’s lips parted slightly showing that he caught off guard.

“Noah, you didn’t have to get-”

“Oh shut the hell up. I got you something anyway and you’re going to open it.”

Harry laughed in shock at my words as I rummaged around the front pocket of my suitcase.

“Such a polite lady you are.”

“Only for you,” I replied as I produced a wrapped box from the front pocket. “Open this first. I got more.”

Harry’s emerald eyes widened as he reluctantly took the box from my hands.

“Please tell me you didn’t spend a fortune on me.”

“Harry, stop being annoying and just open it. For the love of God.”

Harry chuckled and shook his head as he unwrapped the box. I bit my thumb nail when he reached the lid, utterly nervous to his reaction.

“Oh wow.” He stuttered when he lifted the lid. In the box was a black snapback, the Ramone’s logo on the front. Along the back was one of Harry’s favorite lyrics from one of his favorite songs by the band, according to Liam and then Louis. A small format of the signature of all four members were also sewn along the side.

He looked up at me with amazement painting his features.

“Where did you get this?”

I shrugged. “I made it.”

Bewilderment then crossed his eyes.

“You made this?”

I took the hat from his hands, grabbing the other present I tucked inside from it.

“Not the whole thing. I found the black hat with the logo already on it. I just outlined the lyrics and then the signatures from an old poster I found. Then I sewed the wording over that.”

“You sew?”

I snorted. “Hardly. Don’t ask me how much my mom helped me.”

A large smile crept across his face as he took the hat back from me and examined it some more. I took the opportunity to grasp one of his hands and place the smaller gift in his vast palm.

Harry divided his attention from the snapback to the gift in his hand.

“Did you make this?” He asked, rubbing his thumb against the material of the bracelet I made him. It was black, with other ornaments woven into it. I tried to make it look as manly as possible, using primarily black and gold colors when making it. Everything I put into I tried making relevant to Harry’s life and the things that were important to him.

“Yeah, I can take credit for this one.” I joked.

Harry was quiet for a moment longer as he examined the two gifts in his hands.

“Thank you.” He said when finally looking back up at me. His eye held an extra dark shade of emerald as the reflection of the Christmas tree wrapped in lights from the corner of the room. They were also clothed in honesty and gratitude, and it was such a sight that my heart was pounding and a flush of sweat broke out across my back and forehead.

“Wait, there’s one more.” I said as I shook myself from the intense trance Harry’s eyes set me in. I opened the main compartment of my suitcase and revealed a large cardboard box that had yet to be opened.

“What’s in that box?” He asked incredulously.

I squatted down as I gripped the edges of the box and lifted it up, heavier than I anticipated.

“Your Christmas present.” I stated.

Harry’s eyebrows shot up and gave me a questioning look before taking his sweet time removing the tape from the box.

When he got it open, he peered inside then ruptured in laughter. His back slammed against the couch as he clapped a little, his deep voice radiating through the room. I couldn’t help the goofy grin that spread on my face at his reaction.

“That is a lot of Twix.” He got out when he was finally breathing properly. He pushed down the edges of the box to reveal several smaller boxes, all containing packs of Twix candy bars. There were almost 200 individual packs of Twix sitting in front of Harry’s lap.

“Hey, I’ve always tried to go above and beyond.”

Harry laughed some more as he took the giant box in his arms, clearly having a much easier time lifting it than I did, then set it on the floor next to his foot.

“Well, they will certainly get a lot of use for the rest of this tour.” He commented before leaning over and taking my jaw in both of his hands before sweeping his thumbs against the apples of my cheeks and pressing a deep kiss to my lips.

“I love these. This means a lot to me. thank you so much.” He looked like he was about to say some more, but he clamped his lips shut and just gave me a closed-mouth grin.

I returned his previous gesture.

“I’m glad you like them. I put a lot of stress on myself about this.”

“Noah you seriously didn’t have-”

“Dude, shut up.”

Harry smiled and rolled his eyes as he leaned back and reached behind the pillow under his back. He revealed an envelope and and a smaller silver bag with sparkle-specked tissue paper piled at the top.

“Open this one first.” He said, handing me the envelope.

I did as I was told and inside held a card and something else lightly wrapped in more tissue paper. I read the card quickly, smiling at the awkward and flirty writing Harry put inside.

“You’re such a dork.”

“I know.”

I giggled as I pulled out the tissue paper, barely having to peel it back before it revealed the gift nestled in.

“Oh my god.”

In my hands were two tickets to my favorite band of all time, the Fray. I was speechless. I knew that I had never told Harry who my favorite band was, or that I even hinted how much I loved them. I had no idea how he knew about my love for them, and I was stunned.

It took a while for me to gather my thoughts.

“How the hell did you… How did you know how much I loved the Fray?”

Harry flashed me his signature lopsided grin.

“If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.”

I scrunched my eyebrows. “Did you ask any of my friends or family?”

He shook his head.

“Nope. But did you look closer at them?”

I peered closer at the tickets before I caught what Harry was getting at.

“Are these… Are these front row?”

He didn’t say anything, just continued smiling at me.

“Holy shit!” I lunged towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pecking him all over his face. He was laughing in between, trying to push me away. I was surprised at my actions, since that was bolder than my normal behavior around my popstar boyfriend. But, it was the Fray and it was such a sweet gesture and I didn’t care.

“Thank you so much. Oh my- Holy crap. Shit. Wow, you’re the best, you know that?”

“Yeah….” He trailed off, giving me a beat of silence. “But calm down for a second, I haven’t given you the best one yet.”

“What? How can you top this?”

“Just close your eyes and turn around.”

I did as I was told, taking a deep breath in attempt to calm my strung out nerves.

I felt my long hair being brushed through, his fingers stroking all the way down a few times before he took it all in one hand, running it over one shoulder. Harry took the moment to run his fingers through it a few more times before removing them from my locks.

I heard a ruffling of the bag and then some fumbling before I felt his arms over my shoulders, placing something over my head. Then I felt the slight pressure of something pressing onto the material of my sweater, and then Harry’s arms coming together to fasten whatever it was that now hung from my neck.

He pulled my hair from the loop this time, bringing it back behind my neck, not passing up the opportunity to comb through my chestnut locks a few more times. Each time he did so, a shiver was sent down my spine, sending weird tingles through my scalp.

“Open your eyes.” He finally said.

I did and looked right down at the pendant resting on my chest. My immediate reaction was to gasp, even though it took me a moment to comprehend the intricate design under my eyes.

It was a rose gold pendant in the shape of a lotus flower. Inside the gold outline of each leaf, the entire expanse was ladened with diamonds, filling every inch. It was a bit larger than the average necklace a boyfriend would give his girlfriend, but it wasn’t ridiculous and it certainly fit my tastes. But I was dumbfounded, unable to comprehend how much this single piece of jewelry must have cost Harry, let alone the front row concert tickets.

I turned back around to face him, holding the necklace in one of my hands.

“I don’t know what to say,” I muttered, suddenly feeling very quiet.

“Well first, do you like it?”

“Yes.” I said immediately. “Harry, I love it. This is so beautiful, oh my god. I really am speechless.”

“Good.” He smiled, wrapping his arm around my back and rubbing it a bit.

“But this must have been really expensive-”

“Noah, don’t worry about it. It was nothing I couldn’t afford to lose.”

“But why were you willing to spend so much on me?” My question came out in almost a whisper.

Harry seemed taken aback by my question, but didn’t hesitate to answer.

“Because I wanted to show you how much you mean to me and how grateful I am that you put up with my crap schedule.”

My heart melted at the comment and a heat flash swept through my body. I wrapped my arm around his neck and planted a wet kiss to his cheek which he didn’t bother to wipe away.

“Thank you so much.” I whispered, my face aligned with his.

“You know, there’s a reason I got this particular gift for you. Aside from it being pretty.”

“why’s that?”

Harry reached around my neck using both of his arms, unlatching the necklace and cradling it in his hand as he brought it back around between our bodies.

“You know this is a lotus flower, right?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes Harry.”

“Do you know anything about this flower?”

“No, I don’t. And I think I’m a little surprised that you do.”

Harry rolled his eyes that time. “I had to do a bit of research myself. It grows in ponds or lakes; areas with murky water and mud.”

“Are you hinting that I’m dirty or something? Do I need to shower more?”

Harry threw his head back with laughter. “No. Just listen. It starts off deep inside the pond, but it’s attracted to sunlight, which brings the flower to the surface. And once they’re brought to the surface, they begin blooming into this… This beautiful flower, and it separates them from their surroundings because they’re so full of color and reflect off the water. And every night, they actually close up before sinking back into the water, only to rise again. Even on the rainiest or darkest days.”

There was a lull as Harry looked at me, seeing if I was catching on yet.

“I’m not catching on.” I admitted.

He gave a half laugh as he looked down slightly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“They remind me of you.” He replied bashfully.

I sat back in shock.

“Why? How?”

Harry rolled his head up, looking at the ceiling. A hint of flush adorned his cheeks.

“This is going to sound really cheesy. But, I see you. And, I see how you look at things in a way that a lot of other people don’t. You see any situation or any person and find something beautiful in it. As much as you might not believe it, it’s not really a trait you can see in yourself, but more something other people can see. These flowers are often considered the the most beautiful part of any body of water they're found in.” Harry smiled, glanced at me and looked down again. “And you’re definitely not the most normal person I’ve ever met in my life. You certainly don’t blend it all too well. But you’re definitely beautiful.”

“Harry, I’m not-”

“Stop.” He said, putting his hand against my mouth. “I don’t care what you have to say about it. You are gorgeous and I’m being serious. Think what you want, but you are.”

As he removed his hand a large smile captured my lips.

“And one more thing. The part I said earlier, about how they close up and sink before returning to face the sun every morning... That also reminds me of you. Because whatever you’ve been through, or faced, you’re still facing every day with this smile on your face and this ambition set in your eyes that never seems to disappear.”

I froze at his words. He said whatever I had been through. The way he worded it, hinted at the fact that he seemed to know there was more going on in my life than I had let on. Was I really that much of an open book?

“Noah.” Harry’s voice interrupted my thoughts. He looked worried; probably at my facial expression. My momentary lapse of horror probably didn’t help me.

“Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?”

“No no no.” I gently assured him, trying to brush off the little episode that had just occurred. I sat on my knees as I leaned up to make my face meet his again, grasping the tiny curls on the back of his neck as I pulled him to me, gifting him with another passionate kiss. He hummed in approval, seemingly forgetting about everything that just happened.

“This is the best thing you could’ve given me. I’m so lucky to have you.”

Harry smiled as he leaned up to kiss me again, running his hand up and down my back as he did so. I reveled in the moment, enjoying the tingling sensation coursing through my body and the alluring taste of Harry’s lips that I couldn’t seem to get enough of no matter how far my tongue was down his throat.

 

I tried to block out the things Harry unknowingly just brought back to light.

 

Everything I thought I had done such a good job of blocking out before.


	4. Chapter 4

Harry insisted on taking me out to dinner that night despite the events that played out earlier at the airport. We went to a more casual restaurant, not feeling like being out for too long. Running into other fans wasn’t such a hard thing so far, so long as I kept my head down like Harry told me to and continued to hold onto his hand. Dinner was easier to avoid unwarranted guests, since people weren’t allowed to walk past the hostess booth without having a table or reservation set. That wasn’t to say a few girls didn't still manage engage themselves into our evening, but Harry was beyond polite to all of them. That is, until a girl interrogated me, asking who I was and why I was having dinner with him.

“I’m sorry,” he interjected, not giving me time to speak. “But she’s just come back from a long flight, and she’s really quite tired. Do you mind giving her some space?”

The girl appeared as though she had just been smacked in the face.

“Uh.. Yeah. Sorry.” She scurried off. I just turned back to Harry, dumbfounded.

“I have no idea.” Was all he said.

 

When we got back to his place Harry caught me off guard by grasping one of my hips in one of his hands, and my opposing shoulder in the other, and practically throwing me against the wall. He wasted no time in dipping down to engulf my mouth in a heated kiss, my arms thrown back against the wall. It wasn’t as rough as his actions had left me anticipating, but I assumed it was because he was trying to make sure he was going “slow” enough, not overwhelming me.

“What was that for?” I asked when he reluctantly pulled away, taking a large gulp of breath. He just shrugged.

“Felt like it.”

 

We ended up back on his couch, sitting by a fire he started in the fireplace, warm drinks in our hands. Harry’s lengthy legs were propped on the glass coffee table, my bare legs resting in his lap. I had removed my tights and tossed them in my still-open suitcase.

“You know, I’m quite impressed you were still able to pack everything you needed in that single suitcase with that large box taking up all that room in there.”

I laughed lightly, circling the rim of the cup with my index finger.

“I like to think if I get pissed off at something enough, it’ll eventually cooperate with me. This was one of those times.”

 

We talked for a little while about how our Christmas’s went, what we got and received from loved ones, and other amusing stories we had yet to share through the phone. We did all of this with Harry’s hands dipped under the blanket, pressing his fingers into the skin of my calves as he skimmed them up and down the expanse. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel self-conscious, whether it was because I was worried he was judging me by how wide my legs were, if they weren’t as smooth as he’d prefer, or if he tried making his hands travel… upwards.

But he never did. He just continued with his repetitive motions, keeping his attention on me the whole time.

“Are you excited to meet my family tomorrow?” He asked me.

“I don’t know. I’m really nervous.”

“Mmm. Shocking.” He joked, causing for a light punch to the arm.

“You can’t tell me you weren’t nervous about meeting my family.”

“Well,” He adjusted my feet on his lap. “I would like to think I had a bit more on my plate than you do.”

I rolled my eyes.

“I think it’d be abnormal for anyone if they weren’t nervous about meeting their significant other’s parents.”

“As true as that may be, you really don’t need to worry about meeting mine.”

“Harry, your family is aware of the amount of girls literally throwing themselves at you every single day. They’re probably expecting you to bring back someone practically perfect.”

Harry scoffed. “Oh, hush. My family is nothing close to perfect, and they don’t expect the same from me. Honestly, my family’s gone through a lot since One Direction started. If they see I’ve found someone who I’m happy with, I’m sure they’ll be just as happy.”

I smiled and reached up to cup the back of his neck, running my fingers through the tight chocolate ringlets nested at the nape.

“Are you saying I make you happy?”

“Yes I am.” He replied, pecking my lips.

I sighed contentedly as I stretched back against the armrest of the couch.

“I just want them to like me.” I concluded.

“Well, I can’t find a reason as to why they shouldn’t.” Harry joked, playfully eyeing me up and down and making me flush all over. “But you know what I want?”

“What do you want?”

Harry placed his empty mug down on the coffee table then lightly tugged mine out of my grip to do the same. He sat up from being nestled in the back of the couch and turned to have his body full-on facing me.

“I want to snog the absolute shit out of you.”

My jaw popped open at his rather bold statement.

“Yes. I want to sit on this couch and make out with you like we’re fifteen years old. I want to kiss you until I can’t feel my lips anymore. It’s been so long since I’ve had a proper relationship. I just want to spend time kissing you.”

A slight laugh escaped from my throat at his words. I didn’t know what to expect to ever come out of that boy’s mouth. And I think I was surprised he wanted to spend his time just kissing out of all other things he could’ve wanted.

“That is, only if you want to.”

Well, hell yeah.

I laughed lightly as I propped myself on my knees, leaning down to wrap my arms around Harry’s neck. He grinned at me, capturing my breath at the gorgeous result of when he hardly attempted to give off a smile. His dimple poked through his skin, his eyes a much darker shade of green than normal due to the lighting.

“You’re so cute.” I stated.

Harry’s smile turned into a smirk as he lightly snorted.

“My goal was to try and be sexy.”

“Oh, you’re definitely that too. Don’t worry.”

With that, he captured a kiss in our lips.

I don’t know how long we kissed for; There was no way I could keep track of time. But I do know it was long enough to kick the blanket across the floor, for Harry’s hair to plaster to his forehead from the sweat he accumulated, my dress to almost cling onto my body, (before I pulled it slack) and our lips to become a little too raw. We literally rolled around on the couch, I ended up on my back and Harry straddling me, then overtime our roles reversed. When I was the one towering over Harry, I occasionally felt his hands gripping onto my backside, giving it light squeezes that had me huffing my breath. He was cautious about it though; not wanting to push me out of my comfort zone. As embarrassed as I felt with any sensual action he tried performing on me, the heated session was enjoyable and it became much easier to relax into it.

To think, this is what I was missing out on growing up, When all of my friends were getting boyfriends and girlfriends and giggling secrets about the inappropriate public venues in which they performed semi-sexual acts, while I was sitting in the corner, jealous of all of them. I caught myself actually smirking while Harry and I were kissing, laughing internally about the tables turning. 

It wasn’t until Harry was gasping for air that he finally pulled away. He pulled me up to him by the forearms, smiling at me as he gasped for air.

“You know, the color red really suits you.” He joked, referring to the blush on my cheeks and no doubt the new color filling my lips. I laughed, wiping the back of my hand across my very sweaty forehead.

“I could same the same for you.”

Harry grinned as he brought one of my hands up to his lips and kissed it.

“I should probably grab a shower tonight since we’re going to have to leave a bit early tomorrow to get to my mum’s at a decent time. Do you need one?”

“No, I’m good.”

He stood from the couch and grabbed in one hand the large suitcase I had yet to pick up off the floor since arriving.

“Shall we get you situated?” He asked, holding out his other palm.

I took his hand as he effortlessly pulled me off the couch. I trailed behind Harry as we made our way up the stairs, taking in my surroundings, admiring everything that adorned Harry’s house. Everything was very him; all the decor questionable and odd.

He stopped in the middle of the hallway in front of two rooms opposite each other. I looked up at him questioningly.

“I um, did you… like, want to share my room for the week? Or use the guest room…”

This was something I had thought about for the past weeks. However, I didn’t expect Harry to look so undecided either.

I was reluctant to choose because I wasn’t sure what would be implied if I agreed to share Harry’s bed for the week.

“If you want to sleep with me, I promise to keep my hands to myself,” he chuckled. “Unless you don’t want me to. But if you choose the guest room, my feelings won’t be hurt.”

I smiled a little bit, finding comfort that at least Harry and I were on the same page now.

“Your room’s fine.” I paused. “Only if you want me there.”

Harry swung our arms connected between us back and forth a bit.

“Of course I want you to, you nut.”

He playfully rolled his eyes as he opened the door on the right.

His room was practically the size of his living room. It didn’t surprise me, but I got a fleeting feeling of satisfaction that this was the room I was staying in for the next week. The walls were a dark shade of blue, the accents of the room white and black with a lighter shade of gray. Several awards and plaques were hung around the room, all wrapped in nice frames. A glass case sat in a far corner of the room, holding other awards that couldn’t be placed on walls. The window almost took the entire expanse of a single wall, covered by black curtains and window seat attached, also black. A large flatscreen tv was also hung from the wall, a glass stand below it holding what contained a lot of expensive looking systems and gadgets and other things I felt I needed to stay away from. Racks and Racks of movies and cds were set up on both sides of the tv. The bed was obviously larger than the typical king-sized. A black comforter covered the freshly-made bed, gray and white accents complimented the assortment of pillows. There were other small things that made it seem more like a room for a typical guy his age, and it brought me warmth and comfort seeing another more personal side of Harry Styles.

“Did someone make the bed because I was coming over?” I joked, knowing Harry probably didn’t make his bed on a regular basis.

He flopped my suitcase on the large mass of my bed as he tried hard not to blush.

“Yeah, and if hasn’t been made obvious yet, I cleaned the rest of the room thoroughly while I was at it.”

“Hm. Good thing I didn’t pick the guest room, huh? Wouldn’t have wanted all of this effort to go to waste.”

The blush wasn’t easy to hide this time around on Harry’s cheeks as I lightly laughed at him.

“I’m gonna shower now. Go ahead and make yourself comfortable.” He murmured, following with a hand wrapping through my hair as he bent down to give me a quick kiss before rummaging around his room to grab things to prepare for his shower. I watched him quietly, unsure of how comfortable he was going to be around me.

When he closed the door of the adjoining bathroom behind him, I unzipped my suitcase and contemplated what was the appropriate choice in sleepwear for tonight. I wasn’t sure if I should even wear any bottom portion, or just a nightshirt, or what. I was even wondering if I should take off my bra or not, knowing I’d feel self-conscious regardless of my decision.

Then I told myself not to be a pussy about everything. I decided on a baggy shirt that fell to my thighs, concealing the very short shorts I was wearing, which didn’t cover all that much. The decision didn’t totally hug my body. It was exactly what I wanted, since I was still so incredibly uncomfortable with my general figure. I had this irrational fear that as soon as I exposed any part of my body I genuinely hated, Harry would finally come to his senses and realize how there was nothing special about me, and he could go find the model that the entire world believed he was destined to be with.

I sat atop his bed, legs crossed in front of me and slightly dangling over the edge, deep in thought as I waited for him to get out of his shower.

 

When the bathroom door opened again, Harry stood in the doorway, hair clumped in wet chunks as they curled into his face. His purple towel was draped over his forearm. He was dressed in only a long pair of black shorts that almost came to his knee. I inhaled sharply through my nostrils as I eyed his torso, finally revealing itself for the first time in person. The dim light of the room reflected slightly off of his damp body, highlighting the two birds tattooed on his chest.

My eyes met his to find him showing me his effortless smile once again, the dimple in his cheek prominent.

“Hello,” He greeted, using a cheerful voice to ease a bit of the tension in the room.

My lips barely turned up as he tossed his towel back into the bathroom carelessly. He made his way around to the front of the large bed, stepping in front of me.

“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy this view,” he muttered, blatantly eyeing my form from my feet, up to my legs, and all through my torso before resting his eyes on mine, where he found me blushing profusely.

“Okay then.” I mumbled, fiddling with my long strands of hair and looking down at my lap, taking slight note that Harry was probably lying since I could see very clearly identify the small dots of cellulite around my thighs.

“I’m serious.” He said, his expression suddenly turning somber.

I wanted more than anything to just stand up and attack Harry with kisses and biting and scratching right there. He looked holy in his near perfect stature, with his genuine tone and penetrating gaze leaving me more vulnerable than any article of clothing. He did weird things to me in ways I didn’t really believe people could. But even so, I didn’t know if it was just how Harry interacted with everyone, or if there was really something between us that had the potential to actually flip both of our worlds upside down.

Harry took my hand for the umpteenth time that night and gently pulled me up from the bed. He placed my hand on top of his shoulder, keeping his own hand on top of mine and stroked his thumb across my knuckles. I could feel the heat radiating off his bare abdomen through my light shirt, itching myself to press up against him.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured, reaching his other hand to come around and grasp my backside. “You really are.” Removing his hand from mine, he wrapped around the other part of my backside, lifting me up yet again and digging his fingers into the entire expanse of it.

I positioned my hands on the broad expanse of his chest as he pulled me in for a kiss. My knees clung to his hips as he continued to push me up his body before sliding back down his torso again and again.

“Mmm… I… mph.” He mumbled between the pulling of our lips. I found myself having to lean back because I was laughing at his muffling.

“English please?”

Harry just shook his head lightly and waved it off. Or, attempted to wave it off. He just went around to the other side of the bed and gently set me back down on the black comforter and followed in pursuit. He propped himself against the headboard before gripping my wrists again and pulling me up his lengthy legs. He then slid his hands behind my waist, pulling me up his body until I was straddling his lap, our chests very close together.

I suddenly became very aware of the proximity of our bodies and the position I was set into. It also raised a new level of consciousness on how my body was set up in front of Harry, and how it must look to him.

“Wh-what are you doing?” I stuttered.

“Just admiring you.” He grinned, pulling us closer, probably trying to get another kiss in. Our chests touched before I could slide my hands between us, and Harry sat back slightly, surprised he didn’t feel the usual padding where a bra should normally be.

I watched his pupils actually dilate when they moved down to where our chests had previously been connected. A flash of heat crawled up my neck and across my forehead as I gripped his jaw and tugged it up a little, beginning to kiss him again in hopes to avoid a conversation and or comment I really didn’t want to hear from Harry’s mouth.

We lingered some more, kissing like earlier on the couch. Except this time, the intimate setting was amped up. I clung my fists to his shirt as his strong arms were wrapped around my back as much as he possibly could. We didn’t roll around as much as we had earlier. Harry really only moved his arms around my back quite often, occasionally sliding them under my backside and them lightly brushing his palms up and down my bare legs.

 

The exhaustion from the busy forty-eight hours I had, finally came crashing down on me. I could barely keep my eyes open once the two of us were nestled under the covers. Harry reluctantly pried his arm between my back and the bed, grasping my shoulder as he pulled me a couple inches closer to him. Without thinking, I cuddled up to him, wrapping myself into his side and clenching my fist to his bare chest. Harry chuckled at my actions.

“You’re so cute,” he noted, sealing his statement with a kiss to my forehead. It would’ve sent sparks throughout my body, had I not been too tired to move.

“Mmmmph.” I half attempted to mumble.

“Okay, okay,” Harry softly brushed his fingers down my back, occasionally stopping to dig the tips into my skin. “Just get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

As much as I tried to reply to him, I physically could not open my eyes, and I could only muster out a grunt.

I felt him shift on the bed and then lean down close to my head, planting another kiss on my hairline.

“Oh,” He whispered. “By the way, Merry Christmas, Noah.”

 

I awoke the next morning to powerful beaming sunlight streaming through the black curtain, and disappointingly, an empty bed. It took me a few moments to gather my thoughts on where I was, what happened the night before, and what kind of mental state I was in.

When I got up from the bed, I threw the covers off my body, making them match the state the other half of the bed was in. I crept over to the open bedroom door, wondering if I could hear any commotion going on downstairs. The sound of sizzling and pots banging filled my ears, followed by an unmistakable smell of bacon. I smiled to myself as I made my way back into the room, heading to the bathroom to examine my physical condition. I grimaced a little at the sight of my reflection, immediately reaching for my brush on the counter and tugging it through my bronze strands. While I was at it, I washed my face and brushed my teeth, followed by another brushing of the hair for good measure. I would’ve stressed over the contemplation of putting on makeup, had my first encounter with Harry not involved my face without a single trace of makeup on it, much to my luck. I then took a few steps back, trying to examine the rest of my body in the large mirror, hoping that I’d have just magically woken up and lost forty pounds. Unfortunately, I didn’t. But my choice of sleepwear concealed it all very well, and I contemplated putting on a bra before heading back downstairs after the embarrassment it caused the night before, but I forced myself to get the hell over it. I ran my fingers through my hair a few more times before tiptoeing back out of the room and making my way down the stairs.

I padded into the kitchen to find Harry’s back to me, and I spent a moment taking in his perfectly tanned skin and bulging muscles as he was leaned down, reading the back of a box.

He turned around to make his way to the refrigerator, when I caught the corner of his eye, causing Harry to turn his head to me. He jumped a little, his hands coming up to cover his chest in reflex.

“Holy shit, you scared me.” His voice rasped, a smile instantly playing on his pink lips.

“Sorry.” I couldn’t help but giggle.

“You really need to quit doing that.” He joked while sauntering across the kitchen to me, stopping when we were just inches apart.

“I’ll try.” A huge yawn escaped as I muttered my words. Harry leaned down and brushed some of my hair from my face, staring at me for a moment before cupping my chin and greeting me with a giant kiss, adding sound effects with it.

“Morning.” He mumbled, still staring at me with a smile on his face.

We stayed frozen like that for a few moments.

“What?” I finally tried killing the silence.

“Nothing. I’ve just never seen you in your glasses before. You look really cute.”

I looked down as I subconsciously pushed the thick black frames back up my nose with my index finger. Harry laughed at me, enveloping me in his large frame.

“Did you sleep well?” I felt the vibrations of his voice through my hair where his lips rested.

“Mmmm,” I dug my face into his bare chest, taking complete advantage of the smell that engulfed my nostrils and the feeling of his toned skin pressed against my cheek.

Harry chuckled some more as he bent down lower, wrapping his arms around my bare thighs as he lifted me up, pressing me to his chest even tighter.

“Harry!” I squealed as he carried me over to the general area where he was previously preparing breakfast. He set me down on the cool black granite countertop, a fairly safe distance from the hot stove top and other cooking ingredients.

“This cannot become a habit of your’s,” I joked as I wrapped my arms around his middle, pressing my face into his chest again, trying my best to wake myself up to a more bearable state of consciousness.

“Don’t hold me to that,” Harry rubbed my back a couple of times with the palm of his hand. “Hope you’re hungry. I was just about to finish making us breakfast.”

I removed my face from his chest to peer back up at the gorgeous eyes in front of me.

“You’re the best.” I kissed his chin. “Whatcha making?”

Harry pulled his head back a little so he could gaze down at me properly.

“Don’t say I’m the best yet. I have to see if my cooking has passed your standards of pickiness.”

I laughed a little at that. I did enjoy food, as obvious as it could’ve been, but I was still fairly high maintenance to how I ate most things.

“Try me.”

“Well,” He began, removing himself from my grip and walking over to his stove. “I’ve got waffles finishing up. I know you prefer them over pancakes. I’ve got turkey bacon to finish up,” he took a moment to flip the pieces of bacon that were already cooking. “Since I know you don’t like regular bacon, much to my dismay," He winked. “And all I’ve got left is the eggs, which I’ll be making over easy since I know you don’t like them scrambled.”

My jaw dropped slightly as he finished up, turning around to finish cooking as he left me with shock on my face. He was scarily accurate.

“How long have you known me again?” I joked, his back still to me.

He laughed loudly as he began cracking eggs into the pan he was using. “I’m just really good at paying attention to detail. If, you haven’t noticed that already.”

Which, I had, but I didn’t think he could pinpoint every detail about me already in the four months we had known each other. I hopped down from the counter and came up to Harry, standing off to the side so I was out of the way, but was able to still watch him finish cooking.

“You didn’t have to do all of this for me. You know, I don’t want to be a hassle.”

Harry smiled as he turned off the stove, decorating the two plates he had set to the side with the food he prepared.

“Noah, it’s fine. I frankly don’t care how my eggs are prepared, so long as they’re edible. And turkey bacon is probably a wiser choice than regular bacon anyway. It’s much healthier.”

I rolled my eyes at his utter lameness and pulled him down to give him another kiss. I really enjoyed how comfortable I was growing around Harry, not nearly as afraid to kiss him whenever I pleased as I had when he was at my house barely longer than a month before.

“You’re such a dork. But thank you. You really are the best.”

 

We sat at Harry’s table and joked around over our breakfast. I couldn’t explain how great conversing with Harry was. He was so easy around me, treated me like an equal, as much as I didn’t believe I was to him. Speaking to him made me feel almost physically lighter, since he lifted my mood up so much more than I ever thought anything, or anyone, ever could. I could see where being around Harry could quickly become a type of drug to me.

“What time did you wanna leave?” I asked as I finished off my eggs.

Harry took a sip of his orange juice before he spoke.

“I was thinking around eleven. That way we’d get there between one and half one. One thirty. Sorry.”

I giggled. I had mentioned to Harry numerous times I understood what he was saying when he used his British terms around me, but he didn’t seem to catch on to that so easily.

“What time is it now?”

Harry pressed the button on his phone in front of him then cringed a bit.

“About, half… Nine thirty. Would you be ready to go by then?”

“Yes Harry. That gives me plenty of time.” I taunted him some more before he ushered me up the stairs to get ready to meet his parents.

 

Before we left, we stood in front of his door and he took his hand in mine.

“You ready?”

I gulped and nodded before he opened the door to his home. We froze as Harry held me back, but his stature immediately changed once he looked up outside. I was confused; there was nothing there.

I peered at his face, pure confusion evident. His eyebrows were furrowed deeply, lips parted.

“What?” I asked.

Harry dropped my hand as he took another step out, peering around.

“There’s nobody in front of my house.” He went silent again, peering back and forth some more. He even went down the steps that entered to his house, and peered around again.

“Noah, there’s nobody in front of my house.” Harry turned around to face me.

I snorted.

“You sound disappointed.”

“Oh, not in the least bit. I’m just… very pleasantly surprised.”

I rolled my eyes as I made my way down the steps to join in.

“Well, let’s not jinx it. Hurry up and get in the car.” Harry’s eyes grew at my sudden twist of authority, but I quickly assured him I was teasing when I laughed and pecked his cheek.

 

“So, just to get this out of the way, I really don’t want you to be nervous about meeting my family. I know how you get. It’s really nothing to stress about.” Harry mentioned this well into the ride to his mom’s house. We had been joking and laughing and having an easygoing time up until now, but I knew Harry would address anything that made me anxious.

“Harry, I can’t help but to be nervous.”

“I don’t understand why. They’re going to love you.”

“Yeah, says you. You’re a little bit biased here.”

“Noah, we both know the odds are in your favor that they will like you, as opposed to not liking you.”

“What makes you so sure?”

Harry leaned back in his seat in the car, adjusting his legs.

“Because I really can’t see why they would dislike you. Noah, I promise you that you’re going to fit right in with my family.”

I huffed and leaned back some more, turning my head slightly to watch the scenery passing by.

“I guess I’m just concerned that they’re expecting you to bring home someone super amazing and perfect since they know that you could have literally any girl on this planet.” 

“Someone super amazing and perfect?” He repeated my words.

“I don’t know.” I huffed again. “With millions of girls throwing themselves at your feet, I’m sure they’re expecting you to bring home someone who is literally so close to perfection. And… I’m not that.” I forced myself to turn my face to gauge Harry’s reaction.

Harry chuckled a little. I frowned at him.

“That’s most definitely not the case. Maybe from the rest of the world’s standpoint, but not my own family. My family knows me. And they know I wouldn’t bring someone home to them unless it was someone who was able to handle my schedule, my job, and all that other bullshit. I wouldn’t bring someone home who didn’t make me happy, or someone I didn’t see a future with.”

I grew silent at Harry’s reassuring words. I wasn’t expecting such a lecture from him, but I was pleasantly surprised with what he told me. He just said he saw a future in our relationship. He just said I made him happy. How was that not supposed to help me calm down?

I looked down shyly and took his free hand in mine.

“You’ll be fine, okay?” Harry lifted my hand and gave it a kiss.

 

The rest of the ride went quickly, as Harry seemed to have a never-ending stream of stories to tell since his life became One Direction. Before I knew it, Harry had turned into a cozy looking neighborhood. I noticed the houses weren’t grand in comparison to the houses surrounding Harry’s own personal house, but it was to be expected. These houses were actually scarily similar to the houses in my own hometown. It brought a sense of comfort that Harry’s family could possibly live a life like my own, despite his status across the world.

We pulled into a driveway of one of the houses in the heart of the neighborhood, and I surveyed its appearance. The house was two stories, the top half painted beige, the bottom decked out in red brick. Two large windows were on either side of the bottom floor, a white front door in the middle. The landscaping that surrounded the home brought it to life much more than if the house was set on its own. The hedges surrounded the entire expanse of the yard, acting as a fence. They probably would’ve been sculpted to perfection if it weren’t for the fact we were living in the middle of winter. In London, nonetheless.

I didn’t realize how intensely I was capturing the home until Harry cleared his throat. I shook my head to bring myself back to reality.

“See? Not so intimidating, is it?”

“If it has anything to do with you, it’s going to be intimidating regardless.” I replied honestly.

Harry chuckled and shook his head at my nonsense as he opened his door and got out of the car. He motioned for me to stay put as he made his way to my side, opening my car door. He held out his palm for me to take, and he was able to grip my entire palm and wrist all at once as he helped me out.

He adjusted his grip on my hand as we began walking towards the front door that was more intimidating than it should’ve been. I took a couple deep breaths before we got to the front porch. Harry gave my hand a reassuring squeeze, which melted my entire body and numbed me of my nerves to a small degree, before he knocked twice on the door, opening it right after.

“Mum?” Harry hollered as he stepped inside, holding the door open as I came in.

I hardly had time to comprehend any interior of Harry’s former home before I heard footsteps. Then a woman whose face I had seen countless times before online in pictures and interviews appeared from another room, slightly rushing to hug her only son as tight as she could. I felt slightly awkward as I witnessed the emotional moment between Harry and his mother. She was clutching him so tightly, she was ruffling the black t-shirt he wore. She whispered things like, “I love you” and “I’m so glad my baby’s home.”

I stood to the side until Harry pulled away from his mother and turned around to face me. Anne’s gaze followed her son’s.

“Mum, this is Noah.” Harry slid one of his arms around my waist as he pulled me close to him, throwing me off unexpectedly.

Anne’s eyes lit up at the mention of my name.

“This is the girl I’ve been hearing so much about?” She gushed, moving forwards and practically pushing Harry out of the way as she enveloped me in an unexpected hug. It took me a moment before I wrapped my arms around Anne’s back, feeling a smile form on my face as I processed the fact that Harry obviously told his mother a lot about myself.

“It’s nice to finally meet you.” She said as she pulled away. Her scent was different from Harry’s, but held a certain motherly warmth that cannot possibly be put into words.

“Same to you. I’ve been anxious to meet Harry’s family for a while now.”

“Well come in, come in. Lets make you guys at home.” Anne motioned for us to follow her in the house. Harry took my hand again before following his mom. I looked up at him, and he was making it painfully obvious that he was trying awfully hard not to laugh at my overwhelmed expression.

“Doing good so far” He whispered, swinging our hands back and forth.

We reached the living room when Anne stepped to the side, motioning for us to take a seat somewhere. In the corner, Harry’s step-dad was sitting in a recliner. He was conversing with Harry’s sister, who sat across the room on a large black sectional couch. Another man sat next to her, someone I hadn’t recognized from any source of social media. I assumed he was Gemma’s boyfriend, since she was sort of cuddled up to the man. However, all three of them looked up when Harry and I entered the room.

Gemma shot up from her spot and ran over to force Harry into another hug of her own, causing him to lose the grip on my hand. Him and Gemma exchanged their own mumbled words and occasional laughs until Harry’s step-dad was beside them, awaiting his own hug from Harry. Harry pulled away from Gemma, who went back to her spot without any acknowledgement that I was in the room. I would lie if I said that hadn’t gotten under my skin.

Harry’s hug with Robin lasted much shorter than with his mom and sister. When it was over, Harry shuffled back to my position off to the side, resting his hands on both of my shoulders.

“Guys, this is my girlfriend, Noah.”

Robin smiled as he leaned down to hug me quickly.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, dear. Come in and have a seat.” He motioned for Harry and I to sit on the couch next to Gemma and her boyfriend, Harry sandwiched between us. Gemma’s boyfriend extended his hand and introduced himself as David. Gemma followed, but looked much more reluctant to do so.

 

I tried to shake off her unfriendliness as the rest of the family drilled me with questions about my life. They didn’t need the details on how we met; Harry had already filled them in on that. But they asked me about school, hobbies, what I wanted to do with my life, practically anything any other average set of parents would ask their children’s significant other. Harry just sat beside me, playing with my hair while I was interviewed by his parents, clearly enjoying the experience. I tried my best not to let him distract me from my conversation.

“Rob. Cool it on the questions. She’s nervous.” Harry laughed after Robin asked me his five billionth question. Robin laughed along with his stepson.

“No she’s not. She’s a great speaker!” He noted, nodding his head in my direction.

“Yeah, that means she’s nervous.” Harry joked some more. I elbowed him in the rib, unfortunately having no effect as he continued to play with my hair.

 

As the hours went on, I easily grew more comfortable with Robin and Anne. I should’ve listened to Harry. I really had nothing to worry about with them. Gemma, however, had yet to really acknowledge me anymore than the handshake.

When it was time to eat, Harry pulled me aside into one of the hallways as everyone else made their transition to the kitchen.

“How’re you holding up?” He breathed, mouth inches from mine as he trapped me against the wall.

“Good, good. Do they seem to like me?”

“I think they adore you.” Harry leaned in for an intense, hasty kiss. I smiled a little.

“I don’t think Gemma likes me very much.”

Harry rolled his eyes.

“Yeah… I should’ve warned you about her. Don’t take it personally. She isn’t all that friendly, she never really has been. Just ignore her and she’ll come around. That’s what I do.” He smirked.

“She’s already doing all the ignoring.”

Harry took my hand and massaged his thumb in my palm.

“I’m sorry she’s being like this. That’s just Gemma. Just try not to worry about her, she’ll warm up to you.”

“Okay.” I half smiled.

Harry kissed me on the cheek before leading me back out to join the rest of his family.

The meal was one of the greatest things I had eaten in a long time, especially compared to my own mother’s cooking. I could easily see where Harry got his own cooking skills from.

For the most part, the dinner went swimmingly. The conversation was light and was easier to think through than the one-on-one grill session.

“Oh, I see you’re wearing the necklace Harry got you for Christmas.” Anne noted well into the meal.

I looked down to admire the lotus flower hanging on my chest.

“Yeah. I love it.”

“I’m glad you like it. It’s beautiful, especially on you. My son did good.” Anne gave a knowing smile to her son, who gave me his own smile in return. 

“I had my mum take a look at it before I got it. I needed another woman’s input.” Harry explained.

I looked up to see Gemma eyeing the piece of jewelry intensely.

“How long have you two been dating, again?” She intended the question for me to answer.

“A few months, Gem.” Harry cut in for me, noticing my pause and how uncomfortable I was, being put on the spot by her.

Gemma stared at the necklace for another moment.

“Wow. That does not look cheap.”

“That’s because it wasn’t.”

I looked down as the awkward tension grew after Harry’s last statement. There was a long silence between everyone at the table. Harry and Gemma were practically glaring at each other.

Gemma cut through the silence with a shrug of her shoulders.

“I would just be careful on how I spend my money.”

“Gemma! Knock it off.” Anne cut in from across the table. I looked over at Harry, who was just smirking at his sister.

“Nothing I can’t afford, sister dearest.” Harry took a swig of water.

 

After a little bit more of awkward silence, the rest of the dinner went without event. Harry had taken it upon himself to reach under the table and rub his fingers across my knee, attempting to apologize for his sister’s behavior. Half the time, I would catch Harry looking at me, and I found that I had been absentmindedly toying with the necklace around my neck. He would smile at me, and I would find my heart caught in my throat, butterflies in my stomach.

 

The ride back was silent, aside from the soft music playing from the stereo where Harry’s phone was connected. We were both exhausted, and the car was so warm and we just didn’t feel the need to say much on the way back. Harry kept his hand on my leg as he drove through the streets of London. I kept my gaze out the window, completely captured by the beauty of London in the dark for the first time in my life.

“Thank you for coming with me today.” Harry mumbled as I had started to drift off to sleep. I rolled my head so I was facing him.

“Thank you for inviting me.”

“Yeah… It meant a lot to me. I don’t think I’ve brought someone home since I was sixteen.

“Why’s that?”

Harry shrugged.

“I just haven’t had a proper relationship since then.”

I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion. This wasn’t the first time he said that in the past couple of days.

“But what about…”

Harry stopped me before I continued, knowing that I was going to bring up at least one of his highly-publicized relationships within the past couple of years.

“Those weren’t actual relationships. Those… I guess they were flings.” Harry kept his eyes on the road.

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I mean I guess I saw potential when I was with Caroline, but I knew from the beginning nothing would ever come from it.”

I cringed at the mention of his ex, someone I knew he had cared for deeply and was incredibly hurt when things ended.

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” I mentally slapped myself for allowing that to be the first thing to slip out of my mouth.

Harry glanced at me with a look of surprise and laughter before turning back to the road.

“I’m not. Well, not anymore. I knew from the beginning that I was more emotionally invested than she was. And I knew I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who couldn’t… feel in the ways I did. And then… Well, my latest relationship. It was the other way around. She was more into than I was. And I knew I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone I knew I would end up hurting in the end. Or, someone who drove me nuts. I guess I just knew that if I didn’t go around wasting our time in those relationships, I would be one step closer to finding someone who was going to appreciate me for who I was, as much as I did for them.”

Harry turned his head back to face me and looked down to where I was slouched in the passenger seat. There was a twinkle in his eye that I wasn’t expecting as he smiled down at me in a knowing manner.

“I guess that’s why it was so easy to let them go.”

 

It was a little after one in the morning by the time we pulled up to Harry’s house. Surprisingly, there were several fans waiting outside, even more than when I arrived the day before.

“Crap.” Harry muttered tiredly as he put the car in park. “Keep your head down again. I’m not in the mood to deal with this tonight.”

Harry didn’t break his stride once as he clutched my hand while I trailed behind him, both of our heads down as girls harassed him for autographs and pictures, and others shouting questions as to who I was. Several other flashes went off around us, pictures I knew wouldn’t look pretty when they would be posted in social media sites. I was safe for a little while though, until the fans found out what my identity would be.

Once inside, Harry made us something warm to drink while I took a shower. I felt awkward, still not believing I was using the shower of a celebrity, even though it was Harry and I’d gotten to know him a great amount since August. I looked down at my body, not really happy with what I saw. I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that Harry would want to get even more intimate with me soon enough, and I was nowhere near emotionally ready to deal with Harry seeing me like this. I forced myself to not think about it as I turned the shower off and stepped out onto the rug in front of me.

I exited the bathroom to see Harry already nestled under the covers, watching an episode of Friends. He had his bedside lamp turned on so his skin had an even more bronzed glow than his natural tone. He looked up and smiled at me once I opened the door.

“Hey.”

I grinned and slowly made my way to his bed, cautiously lifting the thick black comforter and slipping into the bed aside Harry. He set his mug down on the nightstand before taking my face in both of his hands and kissing me passionately.

“I’ve been wanting to do that all day.” He mumbled and repeated the action.

“Mm. Likewise.” I joked.

Harry kissed me a third time then settled back down into the bed.

“My mum sent me a text while you were in the shower. She said she really liked you.” Harry couldn’t find it possible to keep the happiness from showing on his dimpled face.

“Did she really?”

Harry leaned over and wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling me close enough to where I could tangle my legs with his.

“Yeah. She said that you better stick around for a while. I told her I intended to keep it that way.”

He handed me his phone, the adorable text from his just as adorable mother pulled up on the screen. By the time I finished reading the conversation I was beaming, and dug my face into Harry's bare chest, at once intoxicated by the smell of Harry filling my nostrils.

“I hope I’m around for a long time too.” I whined as Harry rubbed my lower back.

Harry laughed and mumbled a few things before shutting off the tv.

“You know, I really wanted to say thank you again for being such a good sport about visiting my family and dealing with the Devil’s Advocate known as Gemma. My family means the world to me and it makes me really happy that you can accept it.”

“Of course I can understand that. If you don’t recall Thanksgiving, I’m related to like half of the United States. I don’t know where I’d be without my family. I’m glad it means so much to you.” I brushed some of his curls out of his stale green eyes.

Things were silent for a moment before Harry spoke.

“You know, I…” He froze and met my eyes for a moment, a look of horror flashing across his face for less than a second. Then, he coughed.

“I just think you’re really cool.”

I could help but laugh loudly as my head tilted up slightly from his chest. I wasn’t expecting him to say that I was ‘really cool’, but I had forgotten about the odd stuttering before that phrase.

“Well, if it means anything, I think you’re really cool as well.”

 

It wasn’t long before I fell asleep curled up to Harry’s side as he laid on his back. He kept an arm wrapped around my shoulders despite the fact that it was probably half asleep, but he didn’t seem to care. The only thing I could remember was a few brushes through my hair before a few kisses planted to my face. And I swore I could’ve heard an incredibly sexy voice mumbling that I was beautiful, and that hopefully sweet dreams came my way.

 

I was awoken in the middle of the night to several different ringtones and text alerts bringing my phone to life. Literally. My phone was vibrating across the nightstand on my side. I tried to untangle myself from Harry’s limbs, but in the night I seemed to have rolled even closer to him, and him closer to me, trapping a part of my nightshirt under him.

I didn’t have to wake him up though, because his head shot up from his pillow on his own from the noise of my phone.

“Whas that?” He mumbled.

“It’s my phone, Harry. You’re kind of on me.”

“Mmm. Comf’ble.” He mumbled before resting his head back down on the pillow.

“Harry, I need to get it. It won’t stop.”

With his eyes still closed, Harry reached his long arm across my body, fetching my phone for me without having to leave his spot. Instead of handing it to me though, he brought it up to his face, shielding his eyes with his hand as he examined the source of the noise from my phone. It took less than a minute before Harry shot up all the way again.

“Noah. I think my fans may have found out who you are.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Noah, I think my fans may have found out who you are.”

“What?” I groaned, still dazed with sleep. I sat up with Harry. He flashed my phone in my face and I had to blink several times to make anything out besides an annoyingly blinding light. I watched as my phone continued to buzz with several different alerts, informing me someone new was following me on Twitter, or that I’d been mentioned in a tweet from someone else.

“Ugh. Make it stop.” My words were slow and drug out. I threw my phone onto the blanket and covered my ears with my hands.

Harry took my phone and pulled up my Twitter app, switching off every alert option so I would no longer be notified of tweets from other people.

“Hang on, give me a second.” Harry grumbled, doing something else with my phone, his green eyes still squinted from the light as he leaned back against the headboard. I reluctantly laid back down, referring back to my previous position before I fell asleep the first time.

Things were silent in the room except for the deep breathing of Harry, occasionally sighing and grunting.

“Shit. Yeah, I’ve just gone through your connection tab. Several fans are tweeting about us, and pictures from the past couple of days are spreading around.” Harry’s voice was unbearably drawn out and full, as sleep threatened him to lay back down.

I sat back up and took my phone from Harry’s large palm, going through my mentions on Twitter.

“Noah, that’s probably not a wise idea at this moment. It’s five in the morning. It’s best to get some sleep right now.”

“But this is what was to be expected, right?” I asked, completely ignoring his statement as I bit my thumbnail, continuing to go through my Twitter feed. I didn’t read much; I didn’t need to. It was all a bunch of girls my age and younger, mentioning my name in tweets about how their life was over because Harry was caught holding my hand and escorting me from an airport or from his car. Or because pictures from earlier this evening were spread, and other fans were freaking out that Harry had a girl staying at his house. Others freaked out because they finally found the Twitter of the ‘mystery’ girl, and now they finally had an identity. There was also the occasional unintelligible comment, but I was honestly too exhausted and my eyes were scrolling through my newsfeed too fast to really take too much notice on the matter.

Harry sighed deeply and rubbed his eye as he gently pried my phone from my hand.

“Yeah, it was. But it sucked that this had to happen at such an ungodly hour.” He locked the screen and set it on the bedside table on his side of the bed. “But seriously, dealing with it right now is not ideal. You really need to get some sleep.” Harry wrapped a hand around my single shoulder, applying the slightest amount of pressure to push me back to the pillow.

“Okay.” I mumbled in defeat, instantly curling back up to his side. Harry slid back down on the bed as well, wrapping his arm in the same manner as before.

“Don’t worry about it,” he murmured right into my ear. It sent shivers throughout my spine. “I’ll take care of anyone that picks on you. Nobody’s going to mess with my girlfriend.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead before resting his chin on top of my head. I fell asleep too quickly to really comprehend anything he had just said. 

 

When I woke up the next morning I was faced with an empty bed again. I would lie if I said I wasn’t a bit disappointed. I repeated my actions from the previous morning in the bathroom before trudging down the stairs. I was abruptly stopped though when I heard Harry’s voice buzzing through the kitchen.

“Yes, Lisa. If you’ve forgotten, I’ve been a member of this band for three years now. I’m quite aware of how our fans are going to react to certain things.”

His voice seemed harsher than I’d ever heard since knowing him, although I could still find the even tone as he tried to keep his anger under control. I stayed frozen on the stairs, intent on listening.

“I don’t care? How dare you say that I don’t care?…Are you serious right now? I’ve done everything I possibly can to give our fans everything they want. Now you’re saying I’m being selfish because I got a girlfriend?”

My heart froze when I realized Harry was arguing with someone over me. I was positive he was speaking to someone on his management team.

“How was I supposed to go about this? Take it upon myself to announce to the world that I’m no longer single? Who does that?… I really don’t see how I’ve been selfish about this whole thing. I’ve just been going about my business, and people decide to take photographs of everything I do.”

There was another pause before he grunted, getting more and more obviously irritated.

“What was I supposed to do?! Make her stay at a hotel so nobody saw her coming home with me?! People suspected I had a girl sleep at my house last night, and that’s because I did. I’m not going to force my girlfriend to stay somewhere else when she gets on an eight-hour flight to come visit me, just because there are a few people that don’t know how to be rational about anything.”

By this point, he’s practically shouting.

“I’m not even sure why this is an issue. I’m allowed to have a girlfriend in my life! I’m not going to spend my entire life alone just to keep people happy. And, you and I both know that you wouldn’t be having this conversation with me if I was Louis, Liam, Niall or Zayn. Don’t try to deny it… Look, I care about my fans more than you seem to realize, but I need to make myself happy at some point.”

Another pause went by before I heard a smack on the table that made me jump where I sat.

“Okay, you know what? I’m done having this conversation with you. I would ask for you to connect me with Richard, but quite frankly, you’ve already ruined my morning and I really don’t feel like making it any worse. You can notify him that I will call him back later. Right now, my girlfriend is in town for a week and I plan on spending some time with her… Yeah. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of her myself. That’s my job.” And then silence filled the air for a final time, signaling the end of the phone conversation.

I hadn’t realized that I zoned out on the middle of the stairs, elbows in my knees while my chin rested on my hands until Harry came around to the steps, jumping at the sight of me.

“Jesus Christ.” He laughed. “What did I say about scaring me like that?”

I half smiled as I dropped my hands from my head. Harry’s face fell as he took in my expression.

“Oh, crap. You heard that, didn’t you?”

I bit my lip as I nodded my head. Harry shuffled the rest of the way to the steps, sitting on a step a few below me. He leaned against the wall as he took one of my hands and put it in his lap.

“I’m really sorry if I woke you. I guess I was louder than I realized.”

I shook my head as I stared at one spot, deep in my thoughts.

“Were they trying to stop you from seeing me?” I asked, voice quiet.

Harry paused for a moment before he rubbed his hand tiredly over his face.

“No. They just weren’t very happy that I was seeing someone. They never are.”

“What’d they say?”

“That I should’ve told them.” He absentmindedly rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand. Light green eyes fixed on it. “That I should’ve done a better job of ‘going public’ and how there’s nothing they can do about it now.”

“And what’d you say back?”

“That they didn’t need to do anything about it. That’s my job.”

I looked down.

“I’m sorry you have to go through this all the time.”

“Hey, hey, hey.” He warned, grabbing my head and pulling it towards him to pull a kiss on it. “Don’t start feeling bad about all of this. It’s not your fault my management team is full of wankers.”

I really didn’t know what to say. It was a sucky situation, regardless of if it was my fault or not.

“Stop it stop it, stop.” Harry continued, brushing my hair with his fingers. “Don’t make yourself all anxious over this. Management is seriously the least of your worries right now.”

Before I could say anything, Harry stood up and pulled me up as well by the arm.

“C’mon. Let’s eat breakfast and do other fun coupley things and not think about it.”

 

“Shit.” Harry mumbled several hours later, well into the late afternoon. It had been a nice day so far, despite the rough morning. Harry made sure I didn’t check my phone, and he was great at keeping me distracted. Never in my life had I met someone who could distract me from whatever I’d been worrying about at the time. And to find that finally was enough to get attached to Harry on a much deeper level than I should’ve.

“What?” I asked, turning from the third movie we were watching that day. We had closed all the blinds and gathered several blankets as we sat on his couch all day, snug as could be as Harry had sat across the length of the couch while I was draped over his lap.

“As much as I don’t want to, we should probably have a look at these.” Harry flashed the screen of his phone to me, and I took it out of his hand to read it better. It was a text message from Lisa.

 

"Just thought I’d give you an idea of the trouble you’ve caused today. Probably should’ve been a little wiser about this."

 

Under the text was a long list of links, all of which I knew would send Harry to some gossip column talking about the pictures his fans had freaked out over from the day before.

“I thought you said you ignored this stuff?”

Harry sighed deeply.

“No, we all still read what is said about us in the papers. We just laugh at it though. We don’t actually listen to it.”

I stared at Harry’s screen for a moment as he stared at me with the same intensity.

“I don’t think I want to know what they’re saying about me, Harry. I have a pretty good idea on what they’d say.”

There was more silence as Harry’s expression continued to drill into me. I finally looked at him and he continued for several more long moments.

“Normally I would agree with that, but I’m looking in your eyes right now, and I think you do want to know more than you don’t.”

Things continued in silence as I contemplated Harry’s words even though I knew he was right.

“I mean, for all we know they could say I’ve been seeing a prostitute.”

I rolled my eyes at him because we both knew that was unlikely. But I knew I was going to want to see what the media was saying about me sooner or later. I’d rather do it with Harry by my side.

“Just open the fucking articles.” I mumbled as I hit my head against the wall.

 

As Harry read article after article out loud, my nerves were run raw. I kept getting these rushes of adrenaline, expecting something really horrid to come out of his mouth. But, there wasn’t. Every article was a variation of the same thing; Speculation over a mysterious brunette that’s suddenly made her way into the picture of Harry Styles’ life. They didn’t even have the typical ‘inside source’, because Harry had kept it so under wraps, the only people that really knew was my family, Harry’s family, and the rest of One Direction.

“That could’ve been a lot worse.” Harry commented as he locked his phone and set it on the coffee table, right as I picked mine up from it.

“You’re right,” I mumbled absent-mindedly, knowing I had to find the source where the most honest of people would be—Twitter.

I was right, it was much worse on Twitter. Scrolling through my mentions was literally like a warzone. I couldn’t believe I was actually getting death threats from preteen girls. I could believe however, all of the fat comments I was getting.

 

“Lol at the girl @Harry_Styles is dating. This is a joke, right? #fat”

 

“Guess we can all agree that @Harry_Styles doesn’t like thigh gaps…”

 

“Wow, who knew @Harry_Styles was a chubby chaser?”

 

Ouch. That last one hurt.

“Mmm. Twitter would tell me otherwise.” I said as I set my phone down to join Harry’s.

Harry’s eyes shot to mine.

“Did you seriously just go on Twitter?”

I rolled my eyes, I was starting to feel that Harry believed I was a little more oblivious than I actually was.

“Yeah, Harry. I’m not stupid. I know that’s where the most damage is going to be.”

“Then why did you go on there right now after all of this?”

“Because I wanted to know.” I said it simply. There was no point in trying to argue with Harry. He knew I’d see what his fans were saying about me whether he was there or not.

Harry scrubbed over his face again.

“And what did you find?”

I laughed a little as I picked my nails.

“Apparently you’re now crowned as a ‘chubby chaser’.”

Harry grimaced as I made the comment.

“Noah, I sw…”

“Harry, don’t.” I interrupted him. “I knew from the beginning as soon as I got spotted out in public with you, fat comments would be thrown my way. I knew it. You don’t have to say anything about it. They’re not all bad comments, either. Some people were saying they’re happy you’re dating someone who isn’t a stupid, skinny model. But either way, I knew my weight would be a target subject the night you asked me to go out with you.” Harry blinked after all I had to say.

“So are you sayi-”

“No, it’s not hurting me. I’m fine. Sure, it’s annoying but if you’re sitting here telling me you still care about me and I’m not alone in this, it makes it a hell of a lot easier to not let it get to me.”

A pause in our conversation occurred as we both looked down. Both of my hands had been taken in Harry’s larger ones; their favorite place to be. He rubbed his fingers against the back of my skin.

“You know… I really don’t care about-”

Harry,” I shrugged his hands off of mine. “I really don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just drop it.”

His gaze lingered at me.

“Do you promise?”

“Yes.”

Harry got in my face, his pale green eyes grew into a much intenser shade as the shadow of my face darkened them.

“Do you promise to tell me that if anything related to my fans, or anyone else online is upsetting you, you’ll let me know? Please? I’m going to be very uneasy if you don’t.”

I huffed a breath in his face before I spoke.

“Yes, Harry. I promise.” He was giving me more anxiety than the crap I was getting on Twitter.

“Okay… I’m just really surprised you’re this calm about all of it.”

“Look, can we just drop it? It doesn’t bother me all that much but if I dwell on it, then it will.” I hoped it didn’t sound like I was snapping at him. It was just, the more he talked about it, the more panicked I seemed to get.

“Yeah, sorry.” Harry scooted down on the couch, resting his head on the armrest. “Shall we see if we can make it to four movies?”

 

The next couple of days followed a similar pattern. I was normally woken up by Harry yelling over the phone to someone yelling at him for the lack of information on his new publicized relationship that he forgot to mention to his management team. And every morning, he either came back up to bed to continue to rest, or make breakfast for the both of us, alluring me to the kitchen.

Any time we tried to go out, Harry was bombarded with fans. They’d grown in amounts since my first run-in at the beginning of the week, paparazzi going crazy about Harry’s new girlfriend. We didn’t go out much for that reason, but when we did, I continued to keep my head down as Harry held my hand. He continued to tell me to not say anything to anyone, and I had no problem in obliging. I also avoided any social media site in that time period, awaiting for things to die down in One Direction’s world.

So in that time, Harry and I did a lot of talking, as per usual. We also cooked together (kind of), watched several movies, and had some fun making out like kids. I knew I was so lucky to have this down time with him. I knew that in the future when I would come out to visit him, I wouldn’t be spending it like this. He’ll still be working intensely.

 

On New Years Eve, I awoke to a sleeping Harry right next to me for the very first time.

I couldn’t deny that it was one of the most precious, innocent views I’d ever had. I groggily eyed his form. He was laying on his side, facing me, one hand trapped between his head and his pillow, the other sprawled out by his side. I could hardly see his eyes as his chocolate curls hung over his forehead, shielding them from my view. His mouth was parted slightly, his two front teeth poking out. The blanket had hardly fallen past his chest during his sleep, the two swallows popping out by the wings.

I smiled to myself as I carefully grabbed my phone on the nightstand next to me, trying to make as little movement or noise as possible as I took a picture of him sleeping. I certainly wasn’t going to post the picture anywhere, but it would be something nice to have when I left him in a few short days.

I admired him a few minutes more, barely tracing a few curls on his head that danced from the breeze the fan above our heads created. Then I decided to send a few texts out, some to my mom and letting her know I was okay and I was having fun and blah blah blah. But I also thought it’d probably be wise to reply to the several friends of mine who had messaged me in the past week, flipping shit over the pictures they saw on their newsfeeds and asking what the hell was going on with me.

As I finished up, I felt the bed shift under me and a slight creak as Harry moved slightly. I peered over at him as he huffed another deep breath before opening his eyes.

“Hey.” I said, smiling at the sight.

Harry closed his eyes tight for a moment before opening them again, yawning in the process.

“G’morning.” with the mixture of sleep and his thick accent heavy on his voice, I almost couldn’t tell what he attempted to get out. He adjusted his body so his arms curled under his chest, pulling the blanket up higher.

“How long have you been up?”

“Only a few minutes.”

“Hmm.” He sighed, just gazing at me with watery eyes for a moment.

“What?” I asked, setting my phone back on the nightstand and scooting closer to him, body mimicking his position.

“This ‘s really nice view t’ wake up to. Should start doing it more often.” His voice was still very heavy with sleep, and I began to sweat under the blanket from how hot it was.

I laughed slightly.

“Yeah, that would be nice.” I joked. “Does that mean your team is done interrupting you?”

Harry contemplated the possibilities.

“Yeah… Yeah. I guess so. ‘S about time, too. Guess they realized what’s done is done, and I don’t give a shit.” He rolled so his large frame fell super close to me, our bodies touching. Harry buried his head in my pillow, making sure to keep some distance so to not cross the line. His hair still tickled my chin, but I wondered. How long would Harry continue to be cautious like this? We’d gotten closer on a level I wasn’t sure we would reach by this time since I arrived earlier this week. I didn’t think Harry would still be so timid around me still, but I couldn’t deny that it melted my heart knowing how much he was thinking of me.

This gesture startled me and I was caught off guard for a moment. He had just come cuddling over to me, like a child. Or, well, a needy boyfriend. And it might not have been all that much, but it meant the entire world to me. I hesitated before I smiled to myself and very slowly brought a hand up to his hair, twirling the loops in his hair with my fingers.

I lied. This was the most precious moment I’d ever experienced.

Things were silent for a while as I continued to play with Harry’s hair. He occasionally wiggled around, trying to make himself wake up for the day.

“Are you excited for the party tonight?” He asked when his state of consciousness increased dramatically. Harry’s friend Nick was hosting a party at one of the popular clubs Harry and his group of friends attended on a regular basis. He brought up the idea before I’d even come out for the week, and he offered to do something else on New Year’s Eve if I wasn’t up for it. But I told him I’d go. I would have to suck it up anyway; Harry spent a lot of time with these people.

“I think I’d be more excited if I actually knew the people that were going to be there.” I admitted, freezing my hands in his hair.

Harry chuckled a little, the sound coming deep from his throat.

“You’ll know Louis. He’s going.”

“I didn’t think Louis was friends with those guys.”

“He’s not really. He’s going because it’s going to be a nice party. He’s bringing his girlfriend. You’ll get to meet her too.”

I smiled a bit at the fact that I would finally get to meet Eleanor. It would be nice to meet someone who was in the same shoes I was in, and has been for a longer amount of time.

 

“Noah! Are you ready to go?” Harry called from downstairs as I put in my earrings; the last touch of my outfit.

“Yes, Harry! I’ll be down in one minute!” I took a few steps back until I was full body in Harry’s mirror. I made sure my hair, dress, makeup, everything was set to Harry’s standard. Okay. that wasn’t fair. Harry had chosen to date me of all people. It was clear his standards weren’t as high as others would perceive of him.

But I had to make sure I fit the standards of his friends. After all, more likely than not there would be models there. And, other friends of Harry’s that had always expected him to end up with a model. I knew deep down I wouldn’t compare to the hot girls that would be there, but I could at least try and hold my own with them.

After a few fluffs of the hair, and a quick examination of different angles of my body and how the dress I wore looked on it, I flicked off the bedroom light and trudged down the stairs.

I made it to the second to last step before Harry appeared from the living room, meeting me at the edge of the stairs. I froze on the step, eyes fixated on Harry as he brushed back the part of his hair he’d regularly gelled out of his face. Harry froze too, hand in hair as he paused right before me, an incredibly goofy smile adorning his mouth.

“What?” I asked, trying best as I could not to laugh at the face he was presently making.

“You look amazing.” Was all he said, the smirk growing bigger as he tried to shrug off the not-so-subtle compliment. I bit my lip and rolled my eyes to keep from squealing.

“Shut up.” I mumbled.

“Stop it.” He took his hands and wrapped them around my forearms. “I’m being serious. You are undoubtedly stunning right now, do you know that?”

We gazed into each other’s eyes as a wave of silence passed over us. I felt a flush pooling in my cheeks at the sincerity of his words, the look in his eyes telling me things I couldn’t even wrap my mind around.

“Thank you.” My words hardly came out in a whisper.

“I really can’t wait for my friends to meet you tonight.” He kept his voice about as quiet as mine.

“Hm. Don’t remind me.” I joked.

Harry shook his head and he pulled me down the last two steps, bringing his hand to cup the back of my neck, and pulling me in for a slow, light kiss.

“You’re the best, you know that. Right?”

 

There weren’t any fans waiting for Harry when we made it outside. It wasn’t all that shocking this time, since we’d barely left the house in the past few days since the public found out about our relationship. They weren’t going to wait around forever, after all.

“Don’t get too excited,” Harry warned once he was backed out of the driveway and heading towards our destination. “There willbe fans and paparazzi outside the club. I promise.”

He was right.

The entrance to the club was insane as we pulled up to the curb. I could hardly see outside since so many camera flashes were blinding my vision.

“We’re getting out here. This guy coming up is gonna park the car for me.” Harry warned. “Get ready. I’m coming around to get you.”

A security guard came up to Harry’s door as he opened it, the crowd growing in decibels of noise as Harry stepped out. I adjusted my dress as Harry rushed around the car, guard following right behind him as another man got into the driver’s seat as quickly as possible.

My hand was taken at the same time my door was opened. I was softly yanked from the car as Harry’s grasp held on. He gave me a second as I adjusted my dress again, pulling it back down before he took quick strides into the club, never removing his hand from mine as the guard led us through.

It was really scary actually, because the guard couldn’t protect all angles of Harry. That included myself. Harry had actually stopped in the middle of the walk to pull my body all the way up to his, pushing me in front of him as he took his other hand to cradle my opposite arm of the one he was already holding. That wasn’t the wisest decision, considering fans flocked him and yanked him from every which direction. The guard had to backtrack to Harry and I before continuing, and I heard two voices shouting things above all the other loud nonsense. The guard was telling people to ‘back away’ and ‘let us through’ and then I heard Harry, ‘Guys, please just let us through. I’m sorry I can’t stop right now.’ and ‘Please don’t touch her.’

I was more than happy once we were safe inside the club. The sight took my breath away too. I just thought that Harry’s friends were meeting up at this bar, but I was wrong. Nick had rented out the entire venue for the night. Therefore, there was a lot more room for dancing and movement in general. And free alcohol, apparently. 

The club probably wouldn’t have been as pretty, or less intimidating if it weren’t for the drastic loss of people. The light sequence was even nice, several shades of blue, red, purple, pink, and green. A large television was displayed in one of the corners, showing live footage of Times Square. Subtitles flashed at the bottom screen as it was muted, music pouring through the club’s speakers instead.

“We made it.” Harry sighed exasperatedly once we gathered our bearings.

Before I could turn around and say anything to him, someone came up from behind Harry and grasped him by the shoulders.

“Hey Big Guy! Long time no see!” Harry spun around to come face-to-face with Nick Grimshaw, the host of this rendezvous.

“He-ey man!” Harry practically cheered, the two wrapping each other in a hug.

“Thanks for coming around again.” Nick joked, punching Harry in the shoulder.

“Sorry mate, I’ve been pretty busy.”

“Hey, I’m just kidding.” Nick turned his frame, now facing me. “And who is this lady that’s accompanying you tonight?” Nick eyed me a little, quickly glancing up and down.

“This,” Harry began, wrapping his arm around my waist. “Is my girlfriend, Noah.”

Nick’s eyebrows shot up at the mention of ‘girlfriend’.

“Girlfriend?” Harry nodded. “So this…” Nick pointed to the both of us. “This is like, a real thing?” He questioned.

“Yes, you moron.” Harry laughed.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you then! I’m Nick.” Nick extended his hand out to mine, and I took it and shook it firmly.

“Noah. Nice to meet you.”

“Ah, it sounds like you’ve got an American accent. So I’m assuming you’re not from around here?”

I peered at Harry before answering Nick.

“No, I’m from America. I’m just visiting for the holidays.”

“Wow, okay. See, this is what happens when your friend is out of the loop for months at a time!” Nick joked, gesturing wildly to Harry right right beside me, who’s arm never left my waist.

“Fuck off.” Harry joked.

Nick found it absolutely hilarious as he leaned back and hollered quite loudly.

“At least you’re here tonight. Can I get you guys something to drink?”

I glanced at Harry momentarily, wondering how he would respond. He knew I didn’t drink, and I wanted to know if he planned on telling people that he brought his new girlfriend who doesn’t drink, to a club on New Year’s Eve.

“Nah, it’s okay mate. I’ll make them for us.”

“Nah, Harry, come on. I’m the one hosting this party, it’s no problem for me to make you a couple of drinks.”

“It’s okay man. We’re gonna go say hi to some more people as we make our way over there anyway. Thanks though.” Harry let go of my waist and slid his warm hand into mine as he led me over to the bar where I figured out there wasn’t a bartender for the evening. Nick was being serious; you made your own drinks.

Harry only so much as waved to a few people as we made our way over. I hadn’t seen anyone I recognized from the media so far, and I felt a little less anxious about the whole night.

“Nick may or may not have had quite a bit to drink already.” Harry apologized, bending down to my ear to whisper to me.

“No, it’s fine. He seemed nice.” I waved it off as we made it to the bar. Harry motioned for me to sit down as he went in on the other side. It was weird, nobody really took a second glance at Harry at the club. Nobody cared if he was right beside them, making drinks. Maybe Harry was familiar with all of these people, and they didn’t care about his fame. Or maybe, these people did know him from One Direction, but they were all so much older and way too mature and so wrapped up in their own lives to care.

Harry bent down for a moment to pop right back up again, setting down a few bottles of different liquids. I eyed him warily as he began pouring the liquids in the two glasses also set in front of him.

Once he finished mixing them, he slid one of the glasses over to me. I looked down at the glass for a moment before I peered back up at him.

“Don’t worry, a less than a fifth of that glass actually has any alcohol in it.”

I half-grinned at him before taking a look at his drink.

“Am I… Driving home tonight?” I was unsure if wanted that to be the plan. I was very much unfamiliar with the streets of London.

Harry chuckled. “No, no, don’t worry. I plan on being mostly sober for the rest of tonight.” He came around from the bar, carrying his own glass that appeared to be a different concoction from mine due to the difference of colors.

We stood there a moment, Harry sizing up the people at the club before laying his eyes on someone I could see. He smiled quickly, then gripped my arm. He slid his hand all the way down until he reached my hand, holding it as he led us to one of the crowded areas with tables and booths with red seating.

After weaving in-between several groups of people, Harry finally stopped in front of one of the circular booths, five people with whom I wasn’t familiar with, filling it up.

“Harry!” One of the three girls in the booth shouted. She was the one on the end, closest to me. She smiled as she stood quickly, rushing to his side and almost blatantly pushing me out of the way. Her arms came around Harry neck as she gripped his back in the space between his shoulder blades.

“Hey, Rachel.” Harry greeted the brunette with a huge smile on his face where his eyes got really big and all of his teeth showed. And although the girl was significantly taller than I, she still stood on her tiptoes as she grasped the side of Harry’s defined jaw, planting a large kiss on the apple of his cheek.

I stood off to the side and bit the nail of my thumb as I observed the two. This girl was gorgeous. I mean, she was stunning and it intimidated me. Although I didn’t know her, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that this was one of Harry’s several “model” friends that I would constantly be comparing myself to. And to start off the night with meeting a girl with physical features that were beautiful on a much higher calibur than I was seriously unnerving.

The girl was pawing at Harry’s chest when he looked over to where I was standing. Harry gently put his hand on her shoulder to pry her off of him before he came over to where I stood. He smiled down at me for half a second before grabbing my hand and pulling me back over the group of people.

The others in the booth were also saying things to Harry at this point, shouting different variations of “I’ve missed you” and “Where have you been?”

Harry got wrapped up in another round of hugs and greetings as I got swept to the side once again. I didn’t mind really; they obviously hadn’t seen him for quite some time.

I let things die down for a minute before Harry glanced my way again, extending his arm out for me to take.

“Guys, guys!” Harry warned, trying to get the group to calm down. A hush travelled through his group of friends, and they didn’t miss the fact that Harry’s arm was now wrapped around mine, my palm clasped in his.

“Who’s the new friend?” One of the guys with sandy blond hair and a beard had asked me. However, it didn’t sound sincere, since the moment after he asked me he looked away, not paying attention to the current conversation he had just started. In fact, this particular group of Harry’s friends didn’t really seem to care at all.

“This is my girlfriend, Noah.”

The blond guy snapped his head to Harry at this statement before eyeing me again.

“Girlfriend? You’ve actually got one of those now?”

Harry laughed a little, tilting his head back slightly.

“Now when you say girlfriend, does this mean an actual-”

“Yes, Sam. She’s my actual girlfriend. I plan on keeping her around for a while.” Harry joked, pulling me closer to his warm, elongated body by the hand, grinning down at me.

Sam raised his eyebrows.

“Well, that’s nice to hear.” He extended his hand to me. “Hi, I’m Sam Ditton. It’s nice to meet you.” Sam’s face did a complete 180 from the bored expression he wore seconds ago. I took his hand in mine reluctantly, but shook it firmly. “I’m friends with Harry. Ben Winston’s my boss, so I’ve gotten the pleasure of working with this knob on several occasions.”

“It’s nice to meet you.”

 

A few more words were exchanged as Harry introduced me to the rest of the group. I wasn’t paying all that much of attention though; I was too focused on the large palm spread out across my hipbone and then some. Harry’s hand radiated extra heat through the extra fabric of my dress. I could feel a sweat start to break out on the back of my neck. However, that could have also been from the slight increase in heart rate as Harry left his hand secured on this area of my body, totally intent on his conversations, yet still barely scratching his fingertips against my dress.

He continued to introduce me to the rest of the group, but I knew I wouldn’t remember most of them because I couldn’t find any significance to their presence except for Sam’s.

It wasn’t until well into Harry and Sam’s conversation that another loud and obnoxious voice interrupted the group of strangers.

“There he is!” I knew it was Louis before even turning around. He slapped a hand on Harry’s shoulder and clenched before Harry could turn around. And when he did, they both gave a fairly brief hug. I took in Louis’ all black attire, with the jeans rolled up to the ankles, of course.

“Noah!” He cheered after removing his attention from Harry. “It’s great to see you again.” He bent down only slightly, not nearing the height Harry had to travel down when hugging me. “Congrats on the… You know.” He half laughed as he pulled away.

It was only then that I realized Harry had removed his hand from my hip, no longer paying attention to us.

“Thanks.” I laughed back.

“Is it going okay? I mean, you know, the whole-”

“Yeah, Louis. It’s fine. It’s definitely not easy, but, yeah. I’m just…” I looked down momentarily, a feeling of great gratification suddenly. It was the oddest thing, but the rush I felt when Harry’s fingertips brushed my hip bone, and the fact I was holding a conversation with Louis about a group of people I wasn’t too long ago a part of, all became suddenly surreal. When I glanced back up at Louis, I knew an embarrassingly large smile had crept its way onto my face.

“I’m just really happy right now.” I finished. Louis smiled in response.

“This is adorable.” He laughed. “You sound as ridiculous as Harry’s been acting for the past month.”

Before I could make any question about Louis’ comment, a head poked around his shoulder, coming up from behind him. An arm slung around his waist as a full body came up to stand next to him. I was caught off guard as Louis’ girlfriend, Eleanor, stood right next to him, leaning her chin on his shoulder. I gazed like an idiot and Louis tilted his head back to look at her before smirking and placing a kiss to the side of her head.

“Eleanor, this is Harry’s new girlfriend.”

“Oh, dear lord.” She mumbled, peering at me sympathetically.

“It’s okay. People… Know.” He finished. “Eleanor, Noah.”

Eleanor grinned at me with closed lips and waggled her fingers at me, still clinging to Louis’ side.

“I brought you another drink, babe.” Eleanor’s high-pitched voice spoke as she lifted a champagne glass off of a nearby table she’d placed it on. Louis kissed the side of her head again, smiling like the idiot he just claimed me to be. I expected that they wanted to be left alone, so I turned around, getting ready to find Harry before Eleanor spoke again.

“And kudos to you for coming out here tonight. I certainly know how intense things like this can get. And Harry’s quite the catch.”

“Oh, and I’m not?” Louis joked, playfully pouting at his girlfriend.

Eleanor rolled her eyes and took a step away from Louis.

“Oh please, don’t be annoying tonight.”

I laughed a little as I watched more gestures being exchanged from the two. Louis and Eleanor were just as cute as the pictures I had seen before, and I only hoped that Harry and I were that cute when stood next to each other.

A warm hand snuck up my back and around my waist again, pulling me to a firm shoulder I instantly knew was Harry’s. I looked up at his warming gaze as he peered down at me.

“I have a few more friends I’d like you to meet.”

 

A while later, I had met so many of Harry’s “friends” that I needed to sit after being so overwhelmed. There were so many faces I’d never seen before in my life, and so many people that were always desperate for Harry’s attention. I often found myself ready to run my hands through my hair and grasp at my roots, but I caught myself before carrying out the actions. I would look around to find Louis and Eleanor, just to see how in the hell Eleanor dealt with all of this. When I found them, most of the time Louis was talking to someone, and Eleanor stood next to him, bored and disinterested. I didn’t really think I could do the same though; I hadn’t been on the One Direction scene as long as Eleanor had. I needed to make an impression on these people.

 

In the middle of Harry talking to an even larger group of people apart from when we first arrived, Louis and Eleanor made their way back, a few more guys and girls travelling behind them.

“Hazza!” Louis shouted over the crowd. Harry turned his head to the source of Louis’ voice.

“Travis here want a little re-match on our pool tournament from the last time we got together.”

“All or nothing.” A guy with jet black hair and piercing blue eyes that stood behind Louis said. I assumed he was Travis.

I watched Harry as he scrunched his eyebrows.

“How long did you plan on this taking?” He asked timidly.

“Oh come on, just a few matches.”

Harry sighed and looked at me for a moment.

“Do you mind..?”

I shook my head quickly. “No, not at all.”

I watched as Louis said a few things to Eleanor, who looked less than pleased to hear whatever he was saying. He seemed to be pleading to her about something, nodding his head in Harry’s direction. After a few moments, Eleanor rolled her eyes and plopped down in the booth right next to the both of them. Louis smiled and bent down to kiss her cheek. Eleanor didn’t respond to Louis’ actions.

“Do you wanna come join the lads and I for a few rounds, or did you wanna stay here with the other girls?”

I sized up the scene around me, deciding it might be best to try and get in good with Harry’s crowd who already seemed to be avoiding me off the bat.

“I’m fine.” Was all I said, patting Harry on the shoulders, who smiled before walking to join Louis.

I turned around to watch the other girls too engrossed in conversation to really notice me. I stood there for a couple moments, feeling like a complete idiot. I turned back around to find Harry at the pool tables, setting up a game. I contemplated just going over there like he offered, but I really didn’t want to come off as clingy to his other friends. So, I turned around again and took note that the other girls were taking seats around Eleanor, not pausing their conversations.

“Noah, you can sit with us you know. We don’t bite.” One of the blondes with bright red lipstick spoke up, patting a spot on the booth for me to sit. I cautiously made my way to the other girls, who were all watching me as I slowly took a seat by the blonde.

And as soon as I sat down, the girls continued their conversation like nothing happened. I stared at the scene in front of me, waiting to see if any of them would acknowledge my presence again.

They didn’t.

I looked across the booth at Eleanor, who was staring at her phone, not paying attention to any of the modelesque girls that surrounded her.

 

Things went like that for a while. I pulled my phone out at one point as well, but I was unsure what to do with it. In any normal case, I would’ve gone on Instagram or Twitter. However, these days I couldn’t really go on it without catching someone freaking out about Harry and me, whether it was directed to me or not. So, I settled for trying to beat the level of Candy Crush I’d been stuck on for months. I was really intent on the game for a little bit before a new snippet of conversation perked my ears up.

“God, he looks so good tonight. Look at him.” I paused and peered up at the girls next to me, then following their gazes to none other than Harry. He was leaning across the pool table, staring intently at the game in front of him. He had a stick in his hands as he got ready to hit. His tongue slightly poked out of his mouth from the concentration, and damn right, he did look good. He had removed his suit jacket, which was strewn across a chair where some of his other guy friends sat. He was only left standing in a white short-sleeved t-shirt, and black dress pants with black boots. His muscles strained under the ends of his shorts sleeves as his arms stretched across the table, his torso following in pursuit.

When I’d looked away from the beautiful guy across the venue, the two girls speaking were watching me, finding it obvious that I had overheard their conversation. The three of us sat there, just watching each other for a couple moments before one of them spoke up.

“I’m sorry, but your boyfriend is just really attractive.” The other blonde next to the blonde with red lipstick said.

“Yeah, I know.” I laughed a little, not really minding their comment as I turned back to my game.

“So what’s he like?” The blonde with red lipstick asked me.

I peered up at her from my phone again before locking the screen and setting it aside.

“Um… He’s really sweet,” was all I said. 

“No, no that’s not what we meant,” the other one said.

I scrunched my eyebrows. “What?”

Red-lipstick girl rolled her eyes.

“Come on, you’re dating the most unattainable person alive. Of course we’re going to ask about him.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked after another beat of silence.

The girl leaned in closer to me.

“He’s always come off as dominant to me,” she whispered. “Is that what he’s like? Does he like to take control?” The other girl chimed in.

“Is there a lot of foreplay involved? Or does he just go straight to it?” Both girls had wicked smiles on their faces.

I felt my eyes bulging as I finally realized what they were asking.

“Oh, I uh, hm… Well-”

“Oh for the love of God, would you please leave the poor girl alone?” Eleanor’s voice came from across the booth. All of the girls turned to look at her as she eyes the two blonde girls by me in disgust, phone frozen in her hand. Nobody spoke before she continued.

“Honestly, on what planet do you think it’s okay to ask someone something like that? This poor girl right here is not yet even eighteen years old, and is a regular person who goes to school, has a job, and has been flown across the world to visit her boyfriend in a country where she hardly knows anybody. And you have the audacity to ask her something like that when you’ve known her for less than an hour?” Eleanor’s eyebrows were scrunched and her lips were parted when she was finished ranting.

“You need to lighten up. You’ve been around Louis too long.” One of the other girls said.

Eleanor rolled her eyes and scooted out of the booth, coming around to my side. She held her hand out, indicating for me to take it; I obliged. She pulled me out of the seat and held my arm as she continued to scold the other girls at the booth.

“You guys are worse than some of our boys’ fans. You are all so annoying, and I can’t stand to be around any of you.” And with that, Eleanor began walking away, pulling me behind her.

She continued to drag me across the venue towards the pool table where our boyfriends were at. Louis looked up to flash her a smile, which she returned as she continued dragging me to an isolated table, much closer to the boys, and quite farther apart from the other girls. Eleanor took a seat in the chair across from me, and I followed her actions.

“I would like to apologize right now on their behalf. If I haven’t made this clear enough; I hate being around all of them.”

I laughed a little. “Yes, you made that perfectly clear. Thank you for getting me away from them.”

Eleanor half-smiled. “It’s no problem, really. Someone’s got to look out for you in this mess.” She twirled the straw in her drink as she spoke.

I didn’t really know what to say to that, but she studied me momentarily.

“Are you all right? Like, in a general sense. Has this week been rough on you? Honestly.”

“Yeah, I’ve been fine. It’s really been their management team more than anyone else that’s a been a pain in the ass. They’ve been harassing Harry with phone calls all week because they don’t approve of him being in a relationship.”

A look of pity crossed Eleanor’s features.

“I’m sorry. That must be awful. I can’t really empathize with any of that, because Louis doesn’t have that problem, to be honest. Of course they’re going to pester Harry out of all of them— he’s Modest!’s biggest moneymaker.” 

I rolled my eyes at the absurdness of the entire situation.

“I feel so bad for him.” Was all I said.

“Oh, don’t worry about him.” Eleanor swatted the air before taking a drink. “Trust me, after being around him for so long, I know Harry’s fine. He doesn’t worry about himself anymore; he worries about everyone else.”

“But isn’t that kind of sad?” I pouted, this little tidbit of information being news to me.

“No. He really doesn’t care anymore. That’s the thing about all of the band members now— they’ve all learned to ignore all the bullshit that gets sent their way. All five of them can just shake most things off. They care more now about the people around who are directly affected by this job.”

A small pause in the conversation left me pondering Eleanor’s words. She placed her hand on the table beside me, recapturing my attention that had wandered elsewhere.

“I’m around those boys enough to know that you don’t need to worry about Harry. Him, and the rest of the boys, are all genuinely happy right now.”

I didn’t need Eleanor to reassure me that Harry was happy; I could see that for myself, but it was still nice to get a more outside view on things. It was refreshing just talking to one of the few people that had any inkling of what was going on in my life right now. 

Yet another pause, and it seemed Eleanor was studying me again.

It was kind of starting to freak me out.

“So how are you and Harry?” She asked out of nowhere. Before I could even respond, a flash of horror crossed her face. “Not like… That.” She referred to the rude questions the girls from earlier had asked me. “I mean, are you guys getting along and everything? I don’t know. I’m just trying to ask you all the right questions here. I just want you to know that if you ever need to talk about anything at all, please feel free to contact me. I definitely wish I had the same when I first started dating Louis. And although it didn’t bother me all that much at first either, the pressure did get a bit much at times, but I was a bit limited on the amount of friends I had that I could talk to who are dating world-famous celebrities.” Eleanor laughed lightly at her joke, her high-pitched voice coming out like bells. “I guess, I just want to really make sure that you’re fine; that this isn’t too much right now?”

I laughed lightly in return, but out of relief that someone was so concerned about my well-being, and, well, not my boyfriend’s. 

“Yes, I’m fine.” I took a quick look over to Harry again, who was laughing with the guys about something. Just watching his laughter caused a smile to erupt on my face. I knew Eleanor took note of that moment, but she didn’t bother looking over to where I was. She just continued to stare expectantly at me.

“Harry’s taking good care of me.” I reassured her in return, jokingly patting her on the arm. We both laughed a little and soon enough, eased into easier, lighter conversation. It didn’t necessarily revolve around Louis and Harry, or One Direction for that matter, but about our own lives. It didn’t matter that Eleanor was four years older than me, I could connect to her anyway. I loved that I was able to talk so easily to her like I could with Harry. It would make this whole journey a lot less scary knowing I now had someone I could talk to when I didn’t think I could discuss those things.

Eleanor then began asking me about how Harry and I met, since she wasn’t caught up on the details. She was hardly aware there was a girl in Harry’s life.

“Was it like love at first sight?” She joked. “Did you stare into each other’s eyes and knew right then and there it was meant to be?”

I laughed at her, and at the fact that our story was very much the opposite.

“Um, no.” I began. “It was actually kind of awkward. I was afraid to kiss him.” I admitted sheepishly.

Eleanor laughed a little. “Why?”

“I’d never properly kissed anyone before. I didn’t know what I was doing!” I made exaggerated gestures with my hands as I spoke.

Eleanor’s eyes grew wide. “Seriously?”

I breathed deeply. “Yes. I’ve never had a real relationship, and any guy I’ve ever ‘talked’ to was either way too weird, or found someone a lot better.” I looked down as I began playing with the straw of my drink as Eleanor watched me intently. “So, I was nervous. If I’m being honest with you here, and please feel free to stop me if you really don’t want to hear my pity party, but I’m always nervous around him. I’m so self-conscious because I know I don’t look like most other girls. I literally compared myself to the very first girl he shared a hug with tonight and got depressed.”

Eleanor took a beat.

“What are you talking about? You’re gorgeous.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, because I truly felt like she was just pitying me. Now Eleanor, she was gorgeous. Me? I was mediocre at best.

“Thanks, but lets be real here. I can take it. I’m definitely not the type of girl people expect Harry to end up with. They’re expecting some tall, thin, beautiful girl. They’re expecting a version of you.”

Eleanor rolled her eyes at me this time, huffing.

“Oh please, stop. I’m no model. There are things I hate about myself as well. It’s natural. And I can honestly say, I’ve never ‘expected’ any specific type of girl Harry would end up with. The other boys, well, they’re more predictable than him. But when I thought about who Harry, my boyfriend’s best friend could possibly end up with, a girl I saw myself forced to spend time with because of the relationship between my boyfriend and him, I never once thought ‘thin’ or ‘tall’. I thought ‘fun’ and ‘genuine’. Harry is one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever met, and it’s because of how he sees the world. He doesn’t see things the way people expect a celebrity to do so, which is quite fascinating. He doesn’t care about any of that. I promise you.

I just looked at Eleanor, and I could tell she knew I wasn’t entirely convinced.

“Noah, I swear. Harry’s got a better personality than my own boyfriend, and I love the guy to pieces.” She looked up momentarily to eyes her boyfriend, then rolled her eyes as she looked back at me.

“It’s not easy to comprehend how Harry’s mind works, and I can’t fully explain that to you, but when you finally have it figured out, you’re going to realize how lucky you really are to have him.”

I grinned as I stared down into my glass.

“I am lucky. I’m just concerned he’s not as lucky to have me.”

“Oh stop it. You just sat here pouring your heart out to me about how you felt unworthy of your boyfriend. That sounds pretty genuine to me.”

Before I could say anything, a loud voice interrupted us.

“I swear to god, Harry and I just got cheated out of 4,000 dollars each.” Louis huffed as he came around from behind me, grabbing a chair from another table and pulling it close to Eleanor, laying his head on the table.

Eleanor laughed as she ran her fingers through Louis’ hair.

“I’ve told you, that competitive streak of your’s is going to get you into some massive trouble one day.”

As Louis and Eleanor continued their exchange, I looked around for my boyfriend, who I caught exiting the bathroom. His eyes landed on mine, and he grinned while striding over to our table, looking too sexy for his own good.

“You two have hit it off, I see.” Harry joked as he pulled up his own chair to the table.

Eleanor grinned at Harry. “She’s lovely, Harry. Nice choice.”

Harry turned his head to smile at me a bit before returning his attention to Eleanor.

“I think I’d have to agree. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to steal her for a bit.” Harry immediately stood back up, grabbing my arm and pulling me with him.

 

As the night wore on, I met more of Harry’s “friends”, none of whom I planned on keeping my own contact with—apart from Eleanor. Harry had kept a close eye on me for the rest of the night, occasionally giving a sweet gesture, like a slight rubbing of my back or brushing my hair off my shoulders. We danced a little bit to some of the more upbeat songs that would play, but we were both a bit unsure on what to do with ourselves, so most of the time it was joking around. 

When midnight came around, Harry leaned down for an intimate kiss from where we stood in the back of the room where everyone had ended up. He’d even slipped a little tongue in there, but it was too quick for me to take notice while it was happening. He then pressed his forehead to mine, wishing me a happy new year, and I returned the gesture.

We mingled with his friends (or he did) for a little while longer before we got ready to head out. I made sure to say bye to Louis and Eleanor since I wouldn’t be seeing them before I left England.

“When will you be coming back?” Eleanor asked after she pulled me in for a goodbye hug.

“I’ll be coming to see the boys sometime in March, whenever I’m on Spring Break. So, wherever in the world the band will be, I’ll be there too.”

Eleanor’s eyes lit up. “My last year of Uni has a Spring Break in that time; hopefully I’ll get to see you then… Wherever they’ll be.” We both laughed as we embraced in another hug.

“By the way,” she said before I could leave. “I just wanted to remind you that I’m always here if you need to talk about anything. Like I said, this whole situation gets insane, and I know how difficult it is to feel like you don’t have a shoulder to lean on. Please, please, please, feel free to call or text me if there’s any problems you want to talk to someone about, or just to chat. I will always be here to listen. I’m not just here for the One Direction aspect of your life; I’ll be here for anything.”

I swear I could’ve teared up at Eleanor’s sweet words.

“Thank you so much. I’ll definitely take you up on that offer.” We pulled in for a final hug before Harry came up behind me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

“Ready to go?” His deep voice had gotten even heavier, obviously tainted with fatigue.

I hooked my hand with the one of Harry’s that was draped around my shoulder.

“Let’s go,” I replied. I waved bye to Eleanor as well as Louis as we exited the building, once again being swarmed with fans and paparazzi.

 

When we finally got back to Harry’s house, he looked so tired I thought he was about to pass out. I hauled him up the stairs to his room, where he shed off shirt as soon as his feet hit the carpet. I eyed his beautifully toned torso shamelessly as he stalked into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. I took my time to change then, and when he came out from the bathroom, Harry had changed as well. He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, not saying a word. He just looked at me for a moment, staring at my eyes before he practically lunged at me, wrapping his arms around my waist and digging his face into my stomach. He froze in this position, and I looked down at him puzzled while I just stood there. I did also take note to the fact that he was nuzzling his face into my most insecure feature. I made sure to stand straighter, and possibly suck in any excess fat that I could, praying Harry didn’t take not that my stomach didn’t feel nearly as flat as I had successfully made it look on the occasion.

“Harry… What are you doing?” I kept my arms to my sides as I looked down at him.

“Hmmmm.” He groaned.

“…Are you tired?”

“Mmmmmm hmmmmmm.”

“Would you like to go to bed now…?”

“Mmmph.”

Things were silent for a moment as our positions stayed the same. Then, Harry unexpectedly spun around pulling me to his bed with him. As I fell back to the pillows, Harry crawled up, leering over me. A simple grin on his face, as well as the dark circles under his eyes. All he did was press a swift kiss to my forehead before face-planting into the pillow next to me. When he appeared motionless, and I actually believed he was going to sleep like that, Harry turned his body to face me, looking into my eyes.

“I’m really happy that you were able to hit it off with Eleanor tonight. I was concerned on how difficult it could’ve been if that wouldn’t have worked out.”

“Yeah, she’s sweet. We had a lot to talk about. It’s actually really nice too, because now I feel less alone.”

Harry laughed a little. “Good. Did you get her number?”

“Yep.”

“That’s good. I’d really like to see you guys communicating.”

“Oh, don’t worry, we will be. She may even be on Spring Break the same time I am.”

Another grin spread across Harry’s face. “I’m glad to hear that.” He placed another swift kiss to my forehead.

There was a calm silence between us as I turned to lay on my stomach, facing Harry and Harry facing me, each an arm’s length apart from each other.

“I’ve really enjoyed having you here.” Harry’s voice was incredibly low at this point, as well as incredibly soft.

“Yeah, I like it here. I could get used to this,” I joked. Harry didn’t laugh with me though, he looked somber.

“I’m going to hate seeing you go in a few days.” Everything in Harry sounded serious.

“I’m going to hate having to leave,” I replied, scooting closer to Harry.

He closed the rest of the gap between us, nuzzling his nose between my outer ear and my hair. I could hear the breathing from his nose getting heavier and slower, and I knew he was literally falling asleep on me. Before he slipped away into unconsciousness,he whispered one thing, almost silent.

“Thank you.” Followed by a tiny kiss to my ear.


	6. Chapter 6

To say that my life changed when I got back home was an understatement. At least, for a while anyway.

 

Saying bye to Harry had been much more difficult this time around compared to last time. I could see in Harry’s eyes as he took me to the airport that it was the same for him as well. He was very quiet that whole morning, much like how he had gotten towards the end of the New Year’s party.

Once at home, things got odd. Magazines sported my picture everywhere, and going out in public wasn’t the same anymore either. I got pestered a lot by girls roughly around my age; some older, some younger. I was bombarded with questions totally inappropriate to be asked by strangers. My normally laugh-it-off personality would change when these girls would come up to me, instead, keeping quiet and stoic. I hardly answered any of their questions, unless they were totally harmless to be answered. I took the occasional picture with fans that came up to me, but I never bothered to stay and chat. Normally, I would be that person to do so, but I wanted to keep everything about my life with Harry as reserved as possible until my relationship with him had eased comfortably into the spotlight for a while. Doing so right now, would cause a backlash that I didn’t need.

 

School was no different. My friends flipped shit when I had returned, asking even more questions than the strangers surrounding me everywhere else. I explained what had happened between Harry and I back in August, when and how we met, and a very brief synopsis on how we got to where we are now. Girls and guys that I hardly spoke to my first three years in high school were suddenly asking me questions about my relationship, whether it was in the middle of a class, stopping me in the middle of the hallway, or tracking me down after the school day had ended. I would be a little more open with these kids, but I also would be more willing to have an attitude towards them, making it known when certain things were none of anybody’s business.

Even my teachers had raised their eyebrows, genuinely curious how in the world this whole thing happened to me. I didn’t mind sharing the story with them either. I was always a student to develop trust between my teachers, and they really cared about my life. I didn’t mind giving them the backstory; I knew it wouldn’t get past them.

 

Things were nuts like this for a couple weeks, and I would sometimes find myself getting scared that my life would never get back to a semi-normal. Harry continued to call me every day, and he would waste no time in assuring me things would die down and that he was there for me. As much as his words were encouraging at the time, it was hard to hold onto those words when he wasn’t there with me being attacked by all of these people.

Surely enough though, things died down quite a bit before a month had past since my relationship with Harry went public. I accepted the fact that I would no doubt always face the occasional run-in with someone who was way too curious about my private life, and that as I would travel farther away from my home and the town I had known all my life, things would be much less calm when entering public facilities. However, I knew I’d be able to handle it as long as my home life had settled down to any level of normalcy, and Harry continued to stand by my side.

 

It was just a few days before Valentine’s day when Harry had called me while I was with Maria and Renee.

“Is that him?” Renee asked as soon as my phone began to ring. Her eyes had grown wide and her body tensed up.

 

Renee was also a huge fan of One Direction, and the fact that I had kept Harry a secret from her at all put the strain on our relationship for a while. She was the one that introduced me to the band’s existence in the first place, and she was offended that I wouldn’t hop on the opportunity to help her get in contact with Niall. I didn’t blame her for being irritated with me; If I put myself in her shoes, I saw myself doing the same thing. But as time went on, I saw things had begun to come around for her, putting herself in my shoes as well and taking a glimpse firsthand at everything that was on my plate.

Now she had been pestering me to allow her converse with Harry, or any member from the band for that matter. Any time my phone rung, or I’d get a text, she’d ask me if it was him.

 

I looked down at the caller ID of my phone. I couldn’t help the smile growing on my face every time I saw Harry’s name light up.

“Oh my god let me talk to him, PLEASE.” Renee got on her knees and crouched over as far as she could go. Her curly black hair covered her face, and she was stretching well past her limit in hopes that I’d actually put the phone in her palm.

“Renee, stop.” I said before answering the phone.

“Hello.”

“Hey.” Just the simple tone of his voice sent butterflies throughout my entire body, allowing shivers to crawl down my spine.

“How are you?” I tried to sound as casual as I could, more for Maria and Renee’s sake than for Harry’s. Him and I had gotten to that point where we allowed ourselves to sound make our feelings more apparent with one another, but Renee and Maria didn’t need to know that.

I looked over at Renee, who was biting her nails in the midst of a panic attack.

“I’m good. I’m in a better mood though after the news I just heard.”

“Oh yeah, and what’s that?”

“I found out where we’re touring when you come to visit while on Holiday.”

“Where’s that?”

There was a pause on the other line, and I suddenly felt anxious.

“Oh Harry, please do not do this to me right now.”

All I could hear was laughter through the phone. I groaned.

“Harry! Why the hell would you trigger my anxiety higher than it was already?”

Harry laughed harder at my misery before he blurted out the mysterious location.

“We’re going to Mexico. A full week.”

I felt my jaw pop as it swung open.

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. Is that not exciting?

“No, that’s… That rocks.” I felt my heart begin to pound as I thought about being with Harry in Mexico for a week.

“I really can’t wait. I’m excited to get to spend some time with you, for one,” I could sense Harry’s smirk as he spoke. “But to get to spend time with you in one of the most beautiful hotels I’ve ever stayed at is amazing. We’re staying in the same resort we stayed at last year when we played the venues in Mexico, and you’re going to fall in love with the place. I can’t tell you how gorgeous it is. Just thinking about staying in that hotel and getting to go to the beach almost every single day sounds perfect right now.”

The beating in my chest got much faster.

“Oh wow, that does sound amazing.” I mustered.

“I knew you’d love to hear it. All right, well I just called to let you know the news so that you can begin preparing for the trip since you know now what’s happening. I’ve got to go rehearse now, but I’ll call you in a bit, okay?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to you later.” And before I could even say anything, Harry had already hung up.

I sat frozen in my spot for a moment, phone still taped to my ear. Maria and Renee were also staring at me intently.

After a while, I put my phone down and cradled my head in my hands, scrubbing over my face.

“Son of a bitch.”

“What? What happened?” Maria and Renee both started jumping at me, pounding me with questions.

“I’m going to Mexico with him for spring break.” I moaned into my hands some more.

There was silence between the three of us momentarily.

“Oh shit. Your life sucks.” Maria’s sarcasm oozed from her voice. I could practically hear the dramatic rolling of her eyes.

“You are not seriously complaining about going to Mexico with your super-hot celebrity boyfriend for a week, are you? Are you fucking kidding me?” Renee chimed in.

I lifted my head from my hands, allowing myself a moment for my eyes to adjust to the sudden rush of light.

“That’s not what I’m getting at,” I defended myself.

“Then what are you getting at?” Renee asked.

I gathered my composure before speaking.

“I have to like, go on a beach with him and stuff,” my voice came out as a mumble.

“Yeah, I’m still struggling to see the problem here.” Renee said.

“Guys, I’m going to have to wear a bathing suit in front of him. That’s a huge fucking problem.”

Maria groaned at me, thoroughly aware of the extent of my insecurities.

“Noah, you’re going to be fine. You’re hot.”

I stood up, starting to freak out about what a huge problem this could be. I started to pace.

“No, no I’m not going to be fine. Guys, I’m fat. I have been able to fight tooth and nail to hide all of this,” I rubbed my hands up my stomach swiftly. “so far, and I literally cannot do that in a swimsuit. It’s all out to bare.”

“Noah, you are not as big as you think you are.”

“Yes I am, Maria. As something that has been holding me down basically my entire life, I’ve obsessed over how to hide my biggest insecurities, and I’ve learned a few tricks over the way. I promise, I’m definitely bigger than I appear even right now. Guys, I can’t hide my body. I could wear something really ugly and baggy, but even then, Harry’d get antsy about wanting to see what my body actually looks like underneath clothes, and I know he’s expecting something sexy.” I could feel my chest tighten as I started to struggle a bit with my breathing.

“From what you’ve told us about him, I get the impression that Harry doesn’t care too much if you have the body of Kim Kardashian or not.”

“Okay yes, I agree he probably doesn’t, but I’m sure he does care if I have a stomach like my 50-year-old aunt who’s had four kids.”

“I seriously can’t stand how dramatic you are.”

I looked up at two of my best friends, and I could feel the frustration weighing me down. I wasn’t frustrated at them; they couldn’t possibly understand what this meant for me. I was frustrated because I felt like nobody could help me, and with my infamous anxiety, really shitty thoughts started spiraling through my head. I was convincing myself Harry was going to dump me after this trip to Mexico.

I could feel the tears pooling at my waterline in my eyes. This was seriously making me sick.

I told Maria that I was just gonna head home, and I bolted straight to my car. I sat there for a few moments to gather my thoughts.

I was seriously screwed.

I was deep in thought the entire ride home, just torturing myself by thinking up dreadful scenarios of what could possibly happen while in Mexico.

By the time I was home and in my room, I was so worked up that the tears had leaked down my face. There was only one person I could think to call, and I was thankful that the time zone difference wouldn’t have such an impact at this very moment. I just prayed she wouldn’t be busy.

I was straight whimpering as the line rung, feeling utterly pathetic.

“Hello?” The bell-like voice picked up at the other end.

“Eleanor?”

“Oh, hi! How are you Noah?” She sounded just as chipper as ever. Lucky girl.

“Are you busy right now? Can I talk to you for a second?”

“No, I can chat. I’m not doing anything at the moment except watching Breaking Bad.” The sound coming from the background went silent.

“What’s wrong dear? You sound upset.”

“Well-”

“Wait, before you begin, maybe this will cheer you up. I spoke to Harry a few days ago about your schedule, and I found out that I’ll be going to Mexico with you guys! I’m on Spring Break the same time you are!”

I felt a wave of relief rush through me as I sunk down on my bed. I really wanted Eleanor to go with the group. I didn’t want to be the only girlfriend accompanying the boys on this trip, and I knew Zayn’s girlfriend would be touring at the time. And I had no idea about Liam’s.

“Thank you,” I sighed on my line, knowing Eleanor had heard me.

“So what’s going on?” She asked me.

“El, I’m freaking out about this Mexico thing."

“Why?”

How did I go about explaining this to Eleanor? She said I could come to her with any problems, but I wasn’t sure she could relate to the same issues I had. She was probably a third of the size of myself, not to mention tall and stunning. For all I knew, she could’ve thought I was bat-shit crazy.

“...There’s going to be beaches.”

I heard her angelic laugh through the line.

“Yeah, the boys do tend to visit those… Are you afraid of water or something? Because you don’t need to worry about that; Zayn will be more than happy to keep you company.”

I rolled my eyes at her pathetic attempt of a joke. Eleanor really wasn’t catching on.

“No, no, that’s not it.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

I hung my head in shame, even though nobody was around to witness the gesture that would show just how embarrassing my situation was.

“Um… Never mind. I don’t think you could really help me anyway.”

“Noah! Don’t do that! Tell me what’s bothering you. I told you that you could come to me if you ever needed anything. Now why are you freaking out about going to Mexico with us?”

I could feel a headache forming in my temples as I tried to get my words out properly. I rubbed my forehead as I spoke.

“El, I can’t go on a vacation to a beach with my superstar boyfriend, where paparazzi are likely to be, as well as thousands of girls constantly snapping pictures that will go viral in seconds. I can’t be seen in public with any type of swimsuit on. My body is not in any condition for any of the parties I mentioned in my previous statement, to look at in some form of swimwear.”

I heard a beat of silence on Eleanor’s part before a slight humming, sounding as if she finally understood my dilemma. My emotions were starting to get the best of me, and I could feel my eyes very suddenly brimming with tears as my frustration invaded the better half of my thoughts.

“And I swear to God,” I added, knowing the shakiness in my voice gave way to the tears on my face. “If you tell me something along the lines of ‘go on a diet’ or ‘you need to get in shape’ I’m going to lose it, because I’m very aware of both of those bits of information and I’m trying the best I can.” My voice cracked at the end and I sniffed, brushing the several tears now past my cheekbones.

“Whoa whoa whoa, Noah, whoa. Calm down.” Eleanor’s voice sounded very frantic, and with reason. I don’t think she expected this sudden mood swing of mine to be thrusted into her hands.

“I would never say something like that to you, or to anyone for that matter. That’s just rude, and from the sound of it, it seems you may have gotten that comment before. Well, you shouldn’t have, because I don’t think you do.”

“Eleanor, you don’t need to lie to me. I know what I look like.”

“Yes Noah, I do too. And I can honestly say, your view on this whole thing is seriously distorted. I mean it, sweetie. You are beautiful despite what you believe.”

“I really don’t see how I am.” My crying had stopped momentarily. I sniffed and wiped my face.

“Because all you see is your body from the view you get all the time-- your own eyes. That view is unflattering for any girl, including myself. And you compare yourself to anyone and everyone that walks by. Because of that, your mentality is so out of touch from most other people. Most people don’t think about you in the ways you do about yourself, so you often find yourself stuck in a rut after all of these negative thoughts have already gone through your head.”

I knew deep down that Eleanor was right. I really was someone that was hell-bent on the idea that everyone saw me under the microscope that I saw myself.

“As much as that made me feel better, I can’t really apply any of those concepts to my body when I wear a swimsuit. I promise you on this one, my point of view on this is not messed up. Swimsuits were simply not made with the intention of flattering a body like mine. It’s disgusting, and I can’t do it. I still feel like my entire relationship with Harry is on the line because of my fucking body. Do you know how shitty that feels?”

Of course she didn’t. She was cute little Eleanor.

“Yes Noah. I can. Not in the same ways necessarily, but I do understand how it feels to feel like your entire relationship is is going to make it or break it over something trivial. But I promise you, this isn’t the case with you and Harry. I’ve known Harry for a long time, and he’s not like that.”

I paused to feel the cold trickle of tears slowly slugging down my face. I involuntarily sniffed, giving off the fact that I was crying.

“Noah?”

I sniffed again, crying a little bit harder now, feeling even more pathetic that I was crying like a seven-year-old.

“Is it too much to ask for me to feel beautiful enough for my boyfriend?” I knew it wasn’t fair to put this all on Eleanor, but I physically couldn’t stop letting it out at this point.

There was a long pause on the other line, and it felt full of judgement and pity over this emotional teenage girl who felt a little fat.

“Tell you what-- Give me ten minutes, and I’ll call you right back, okay?”

I was a little surprised at Eleanor’s response but I agreed to let her go.

 

I woke up to my phone ringing again. I shot up, grabbing my phone and checking the time. It was roughly 15 minutes since I had gotten off the phone with Eleanor. I must’ve worked myself up into such a state that I exhausted myself and fell asleep.

“Hey.” I answered my phone, then cleared my throat to try and rid my voice of the rocky sound.

“What are you doing on Friday?” Eleanor asked me.

“I dunno. Why?”

“I have a place I’d like you to visit. I made an appointment for you at 6:30.”

“Where am I going?”

“You’ll see. Trust me though, this is going to ease a lot of the tension you’re feeling about this trip.”

Eleanor gave me the address to the place I was supposed to visit on Friday, and it was about a half hour away. I was intrigued, but I refused myself to google the address or do anything that might cause more anxiety until Friday arrived.

 

That following Friday, I typed the address into my GPS. The only information is gave me besides the location, was that it was a boutique of some sort. I didn’t have a clue on how this would help me in any sort, but I figured I had nothing to lose.

Except, maybe some weight.

 

I took the long drive to a part of town I wasn’t too familiar with. I was aware though, that I’d entered a more posh area, and I got a bit nervous that Eleanor got me involved in something that would include spending a large amount of money that I couldn’t afford to spend.

I examined the entrance of the store once I pulled into a parking space. The front was all glass window, so I could see the entirety of the store. And I could tell already, it was nicer than any store I’d even step foot into before.

Upon entering, there were only a couple customers in the store. Of course, they were clad in name-brand articles of clothing and purses, made up to the nines. They didn’t even bother to look up at me.

 

I looked around the store, only finding expensive-looking clothes. Why did Eleanor send me here? How was this supposed to help me with my beach situation? Maybe she thought that if I wore expensive enough clothing, it would distract Harry from my shitty figure and prove I had at least some taste to make it in his world.

“Hello!” A woman’s voice startled me from my thoughts. She was walking towards me, curly red hair falling past her shoulders.

“Hi,” I replied reluctantly.

“Can I help you with something?” The woman was dressed in a red button down top that complimented her fiery red hair, and a black knee-length skirt with black heels. She had minimal wrinkles etched into her features, signifying her age at probably the early thirties.

“Yeah… I have an appointment with Susan at 6:30?”

“Oh!” The woman perked up. “That’s me! Are you Noah?” She stuck her hand out for me to shake.

“Yes I am.”

“All right, well why don’t you follow me and we can get started?” Susan immediately started walking towards the back of the store, and I had no choice but to follow. I was awfully curious as to what we were getting started on, but I left the questions for when we would hopefully be in private.

Before we reached the back wall, Susan made a sharp turn to the left, entering another leg of the store I didn’t know was there. It entered into a different room, this one with a brick wall.

I glanced at all the clothes as we made a right this time, and I was still trying to figure out why Eleanor had sent me here.

Another hallway appeared at the end of this room, leading to a door. Susan opened the door and held it open for me, a smile lighting up her rosy cheeks.

I had walked into a large dressing room, complete with dresser drawers and several mirrors and even more clothes sitting on shelves.

“Just give me one second. Please. take a seat.” Susan gestured to one of the plush red couches in the middle of the room before walking across the proximity, to yet another door. Upon opening, I noticed that it was an office. Like, a really nice office. I was seriously confused-- what was this place? And why was there an office in it?

Susan came out moments later, carrying a folder and pen. She sat down across from me in a black chair, elegantly crossing her legs.

Um… Did Eleanor sign me up for therapy?

“You don’t know why you’re here, do you?”

I gritted my teeth. “No, not really.”

“I can see it on your face. You’re totally lost.” She laughed. “Okay, well I should probably explain myself.” She adjusted herself on the seat. “Well, I’m actually a designer for a company called AnneNoelle. You probably haven’t heard of us before.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Not surprising. We aren’t too well known. See, we have one headquarters stationed in London, where the creator of this label, Anne, lives. For the most part, it's a fairly casual business, primarly a side job for a lot of the people a part of our team.

“The designers in this team are actually scattered across the world. Anne's got a few in Japan and Australia, but for the most part, we’re all stationed within the United States and United Kingdom. With our company, it’s kind of like a ‘you scratch my back, I scratch yours’ type of thing. Most of us designers in AnneNoelle all own our boutique or department store, where we run things our way, but with the help of AnneNoelle.” Susan gestured at the walls we were confined in, indicating that this very boutique we were sitting in, was hers.

“We all design our own clothes. We do what we want, and how we want it. There are no rules, age limits, or restrictions. We design exactly what we want, and send those designs to Anne out in London. There, our designs come to life, and are shipped to various businesses throughout the world that are all a part of the AnneNoelle team."

“So you’re saying, all of the clothes in this store are made from different people in your company?”

“Exactly. Some of it is my own stuff, but I’ve got a lot of stuff from Caroline, a woman in Malibu, and Vanessa, a woman in Germany. I’ve even got a few things from someone in Tokyo. We all keep in contact with each other primarily through email.”

“Okay…” I was so lost. Why the hell did this apply to me?

“Your friend Eleanor is very close with Anne. The headquarters is within a close proximity of her home, so she's told me. Eleanor is a huge client for AnneNoelle. She’s sent a lot of her friends our way, and although it’s just one location, she’s helped most of us designers tremendously with getting our name out, since all staff members have creations available in London. I’m also very aware that she’s dating a member of that boyband, One Direction. That too has got Anne wrapped around her finger. So if Eleanor wants something, there’s no doubt Anne will help her achieve it, whether it’s a favor of some sort for someone else, or her own article of clothing that she would want someone to make, Anne would no doubt call up one of us designers and have one of us create something Eleanor would want.”

“Does Eleanor really take advantage of that though?” I found it really hard to believe that Eleanor would manipulate someone like that, regardless of her position on that person.

“Not intentionally is what I believe. Any time Anne has contacted someone to create something for Eleanor, it’s to my knowledge that she’s told the girl that one of us already had something similar to what she wanted in stock, and that it just needed to be shipped to her. She really just places those orders in front of all the other orders that have yet to be gone through so that it gets to Eleanor in record timing.”

I contemplated Susan’s words.

“Is Anne hoping this business will grow with Eleanor’s help or something?”

Susan sighed, picking up a bottle of water sitting at her feet and untwisting the cap.

“That’s my best guess. But anyway, I’ve said too much about this subject. The reason I have you here, is because I got a call from Anne on Tuesday, telling me that a friend of Eleanor’s that lived around here needed my help with something, and if there was a time or day that friend could be scheduled in. I told Anne that today at 6:30 was fine, and I guess she told Eleanor to inform you to come see me.”

I sighed. “Yes, that sounds about right. So… You have no idea why I need your help?” I was pretty bummed. I was hoping I didn’t have to face telling Susan my problem myself; I’d just feel embarrassed about myself all over again actually having to spell it out for her.

“No hon, I’m sorry I don’t. Anne informed me that Eleanor said it was best that you told me yourself.”

As much as I hated it, I knew Eleanor was right.

I puffed out my cheeks with another sigh as I sat up in my seat, getting ready to storytell to the practical stranger.

“This is all kept confidential, right?”

“Absolutely. Anne has always informed us when a case involves Eleanor, we must keep it under wraps. For any reason, if any our information on her reached the public, our jobs would no doubt be on the line. The most that anything you tell me, travels to Anne, who wouldn’t dare jeopardize her relationship with Eleanor either.”

“Okay… Well, you may not be aware of this, but,” How did I just tell this woman that I was dating a famous popstar as well? “I’m also dating a member from that boyband.”

Oh, I guess like that.

Susan’s eyes grew wide. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s a newer relationship, we’ve only been dating a few months, but… In about a month, we’re taking a trip to Mexico while I’m on Spring Break.”

“Okay.” Susan began writing things in the folder she brought out with her. Her hair curtained her face momentarily before she tilted her head back up at me, signaling for me to go on.

“Well, here’s the thing…” I began brushing my hair out of my face, a typical sign that I was having anxiety. “We’re going to be on the beach a lot, and I can’t find a nice swimsuit to save my life. I don’t just mean any swimsuit, because I could. I could go to the section for older ladies or maternity at Target and find a swimsuit that would cover everything I have just fine, but I want…” I shied away embarrassingly before stating my next problem. “I want to look sexy enough for my boyfriend. I mean, he’s this huge celebrity and he’s around all of these gorgeous, beautiful women all the freaking time, and he rarely ever sees me, and I’d just like to leave a positive, lasting impression of myself in his brain when I leave again. I just want to feel confident when I’m on that beach for a full week. And honestly, anything I wear, I just feel like a fat piece of crap inside.” I didn’t feel nearly as emotional telling Susan, a practical stranger, my story as opposed to someone I’d gotten closer to in recent weeks.

“Honey, you are not fat.” Susan seemed appalled at my statement.

I rolled my eyes. I didn’t want to have to go through this argument again.

“Okay, when I’m actually wearing clothing, I can see where people think that. When I’m not, it’s a very different story, I swear.”

There was silence in the room, Susan giving me a look of sympathy and me just sitting there, feeling shitty about myself all over again.

When I couldn’t stand the tension anymore, I cut the silence. “So, I’m not sure why Eleanor sent me here, but that’s my problem I face. I don’t know if you can help me.”

“Oh, but Noah, I’m sure I can.” Susan stood up from her seat, and she held her hand out to help me stand up as well.

“All right, first, I need you to take off the jacket. I promise, I’m not going to check you out. But I need an idea of what I’m working with.”

Reluctantly, I unzipped my jacket and tossed it on the couch behind me. I watched Susan circle me a few times, examining my body and taking notes in the folder again.

“Noah, what’s your bust size?”

“Uh…” I looked down. “Triple D.”

“Oh honey, you poor thing.”

I snorted. “Yeah, I know.”

Susan looked right back down at her notes again. “What pant size do you wear?”

She asked me a few more questions before walking across the large dressing room.

“You know what? I think I have a few things that just might work.” She opened one of the closets in the back of the room. It was filled with a rack of different swimsuits, all with different tags poking through the sides.

“Several women around here make lots things intended for more natural looking women; not just the stick thin girls most department stores create their clothes for these days.” Susan began sorting through the racks. “One of our gals in San Antonio makes some truly beautiful designs, and she makes damn sure that when her things are made, they come in a wide range of sizes for all women.” Susan began pulling several different suits off the rack, but she was going so fast I didn’t get to see the full look of each of them.

She walked back over to me with a large pile of suits draped over her arm.

“Let’s start with these, and we’ll take it from there.”

 

After trying on the large number of bathing suits Susan had grabbed for me, I was feeling more hopeful than I had been an hour ago. I still hadn’t found anything that I fell in love with, but I did find some things that I could resort to if nothing else screamed my name while at the boutique.

Susan came into the room as I slid on the last suit she gave me. She contemplated it for a moment, and I stared her down, waiting for her opinion.

“You know…” She began to circle me again. “I really believe that you could pull of something a little more daring.”

My face perked up. “Really?”

“Yes.” Susan sauntered back to the swimsuit closet as she spoke. “Here, I’ve got a few more designs for you to try.”

 

Twenty minutes later, I was happier about my bathing suit situation than I ever thought would be possible for me. I really did find some truly unique designs that I wouldn’t have been able to find anywhere else.

I looked in the mirror as I wore the last option Susan gave me, and I felt super confident in this choice. Standing in that mirror, I did feel sexy, beautiful; nothing any other piece of swimwear would’ve ever done for my body. I grasped onto the black material, feeling the texture beneath my fingers. I imagined myself on a beach with Harry, him eyeing this suit on me and the many possible reactions he could have. I felt a smile growing on my face as a knock came at the door.

“Are you decent?” Susan called from the other side.

“Yeah.” My word trailed off as my smile grew at this flattering picture I saw.

“Wowwww.” Susan drawled out her words as she took in the suit I wore. “That sure is something.”

I turned to face her.

“I absolutely love it. I feel amazing in this, and the other two I have set to the side. I never thought I would see the day that I felt amazing in a swimsuit--but I did. Thank you, so much.”

“You’re right, that does look amazing on you. Noah, I definitely think Harry’s going to enjoy the view when you both are in Mexico next month.” She dropped her eye into a wink as she walked into the office, leaving the door open.

I felt a blush running to my cheeks at Susan’s comment. I really did hope that Harry would be pleased with what he saw when he saw this.

“Would you like all three of these then?” Susan asked when she walked back into the room.

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m sure these are all quite pricey. How much is this one?”

“For you, all of them would be free of charge.”

My jaw dropped.

“There’s no way I’m letting you give me all three of these for free. Or even just one for that matter.”

“Oh no, don’t worry about it, Sweetie. Anne said that Eleanor wants every purchase billed to her, and to not let you pay for anything, no matter what. And let me tell you, I’m going to do just that, because I would not want to disappoint my boss by disobeying Eleanor’s wishes.”

I had to laugh at how much power Eleanor had over some people, just because she was in the relationship with the right person.

“Thank you so much. For everything.”

“Oh no, please feel free to contact me anytime. I’d love to see you come around more.” Susan said as she began escorting me through the long pathway to exit the store. “Now, go show that boy just how beautiful you can be.”

 

I rung Eleanor the next morning as soon as I woke up.

“Hello?”

“You didn’t have to do that for me,” I said, jumping right to the point.

“What are you talking about? The appointment?”

I sat up in my bed, leaning against the headboard. "No, not just that. But for paying for me. All of it, really.”

“Noah, you deserved to be treated to something.”

“But I know how much you ended up having to spend on me. I saw those price tags.”

“Look, Noah, did you find something that made you feel good?”

I sighed, knowing where this was going.

“Yes.”

“Then I don’t regret spending a single pound on you. I may not have an income as high as my boyfriend’s, but I certainly had some money to spare. Please don’t worry about it. The most important thing for me, is that you’re feeling better about this trip now. Am I right?”

“Yeah, I’m still a bit nervous, but I’m mostly excited now.”

“Good, I’m really happy to hear it.”

There was a pause in the conversation.

“El?”

“Yes?”

“You’re the best.”

“Oh love, it was nothing.”

 

As the days went by and the trip got closer, more pieces of the plan got finalized. Harry would leave a day earlier than the rest of the band, taking a flight out to my city, where him and I would meet up and take an extension flight from my town’s airport to Mexico. Of the eight days we would spend in Mexico, four of those were performance dates for the band. A lot of down time was offered on this trip between performances, and there were no publicity acts, no promo, nothing. These boys would actually be free to do whatever they wanted between their sets. That is, whatever lunatic people wouldn't stop them from doing.

 

On the Friday before Spring Break officially began, I was scheduled to leave twenty minutes ahead of everyone else. I wouldn’t make it to the airport on time if I got caught in the traffic of other students dying to get the hell out of that place, and then the buses taking home the underclassmen who couldn’t drive yet would hold me up even longer.

 

I was on Twitter when I had about five minutes to go. My leg was bouncing up and down annoyingly fast as I read some of the tweets other accounts would be making about the boys and their travels to Mexico.

“Shit,” I mumbled under my breath. Several of them had tweeted about the fact that Harry wasn’t with the other four boys when they were boarding their flight. Luckily, none of them knew where in the world he was at the time, or even had a hint that I’d be joining them. But this meant people would be on the look out for him, and no doubt my hometown would be a spot.

 

As soon as the clock hit 1:40, I bolted out of my chair and rushed to the classroom door, saying bye to my teacher.

“Noah!” I was stopped by another girl’s voice and turned back around to face my classmates.

“Why are you leaving early?”

I didn’t falter once before replying. “On vacation.”

“Ooh. Are you going somewhere with Harry?”

There was a pause as everyone in the classroom peered up at me, waiting for my answer. Even the teacher was staring me down.

I did the first thing that came to mind-- I just walked. Straight out the door. Really, it was nobody’s business if I was going on vacation with Harry or not. I didn’t have to give up my right to privacy just because of who I was dating. Besides, I knew in a few hour’s time they’d know the answer anyway.

 

As my mother and I pulled up to the airport, she took a chance to glance at me solemnly.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come in with you? Are you sure you don’t need my help?”

“Mom, I’ve done this before.”

My mom sighed. “I know honey, I’m just worried for you.”

I scrunched my face. “Why?”

“Because it’s one thing for you to go off to a different country where you’re visiting someone’s home and they’re familiar with their surroundings. This time, you’re going off with a group where nobody knows where anything is. I’ve seen Taken. I know how these things go.”

“Oh my god…” I stammered, laying my head against the car window. “Mom. Those girls were in Paris.”

“Yes, but they were also chasing a famous band around while they were on tour.”

I closed my eyes, getting flustered thanks to my mom. “Oh my god. You are aware that I’m actually travelling with the band? Do you know how much security travels with them? I’ll be fine.”

“Noah, those men are more concerned about those boys than they would be of you.”

“Okay, we’re done here. I promise, I’ll be fine. I’m in good hands. You know this.”

My mom pondered her thoughts before nodding her head and pulling me into a hug, kissing me on the forehead. “I trust you. Just be careful.”

I popped the door open and looked back at my mom.

“I always am.”

 

I was stood outside the gate of Harry’s flight right as one of the attendants announced through the intercom that it had landed. My excitement grew as all types of people began filing out of the corridor. I was pouncing on my tiptoes with all of the anxiety building up in me.

When a huge cluster of people came through all at once, I knew it was Harry that was in the center of the chaos. I stopped jumping for a moment and craned my neck to try and see inside the mob. Just as the cluster moved a few yards, a couple of bony elbows poked out through the barrier of people, jerking every which way. Slowly but surely, Harry’s face and then lanky body began slithering out of the mob, luggage in tow.

“Harry!” I called once he was safely out of the mosh pit, and before it could suck him right back in.

His gaze darted to my voice, and a large grin sprawled across his face as he trudged over to me, several other people following him, tripping at his ankles.

“All right guys, give him some room. Back off,” said the solo security guard, James, who was keeping distance from Harry.

“Hey,” Harry hardly mumbled out before shoving his luggage to the guard and pulling my body to him, my face nuzzled to his chest as he pulled off my hat and dug his nose into my hair. I looped my arms around his middle, lightly scratching my nails across his back as I took in his all-too-familiar scent that was beginning to feel more and more like home.

“Mmm. I missed you so much.”

My insides tingled at his words. I don’t think I would ever get used to hearing that someone of the male gender could miss me, let alone Harry Styles.

“Okay kids, let get going to our extension flight before we set up for a reunion.” James picked up my very feminine luggage to join Harry’s as he ushered us to the gate of our flight, giving us reminders to keep our heads down to avoid pictures and to keep close together.

 

It wasn’t until Harry and I had been rushed through security all over again and then seated in the first-class section of the plane that our reunion could continue to take place.

No words were exchanged as Harry cupped my jaw, staring into my eyes with a small smile on his lips.

“What are you doing?” I asked, killing his moment he tried creating. He laughed.

“I just missed you so much.” Harry leaned over the armrest to plant a short kiss to my lips. Once our lips had connected, something switched in my body, suddenly causing an internal tick, pressuring me to wrap my arms over his broad figure. It took every ounce of my being to remind myself I couldn’t perform such actions until I knew what kind of people would be joining us in our section of the plane. Instead, Harry opted to hold my hand on the armrest, making conversation with me until we were safely up in the air. It did get creepy though-- On occasion, we could hear girls screaming through other sections when they heard Harry was on the plane. Sometimes we’d hear stomping, before the loud voice of an attendant would stop the girls from travelling even further towards our location.

As we chatted while waiting, Harry and I kept our heads bowed together, talking quietly. We repeated “I missed you’s” and droned on about how it’s been too long.

 

Once up in the air, Harry was able to relax. The only people who had joined us on first class, apart from his security guard, were official-looking business men and women, who all looked way too preoccupied with their own lives to even note there were two young lovers softly canoodling in the back corner.

Harry made me come around and sit on his lap as we spoke. He asked one of the attendants for a blanket, and he draped it over us as I dangled across the seat, surprisingly finding enough room to squeeze my thick body comfortably inside the confines of the chair.

Harry slid an arm all over my back, leaning down to seal our lips in a kiss. It didn’t get very heated, but I did feel the intended passion Harry put into it. I felt him clutch my side a bit harder, his fingers squeezing my skin.

As we pulled apart, Harry’s lips made the slightest popping sound as the closed shut, forming into a grin. He smiled down at me as he hummed, using his other hand to pry one of mine that I had clutched to his collar, and held it.

“You’re so pretty,” he murmured.

I rolled my eyes with a goofy grin on my own face before lifting myself off his lap. Harry groaned with disapproval.

“Sorry, but I’m a lady, and it’s not polite for ladies to sit on the lap of a man while they’re in mid-flight.” I playfully winked before turning around and plopping in my own seat. I had made the joke, but in reality, I just felt like I was slowly crushing Harry, and I would’ve rather had gotten up on my own terms than to wait for him to crumble beneath me.

Harry snorted at me. “You, a lady? I’m pretty sure Noah Shambro is the farthest thing from a lady.”

I dropped my jaw to fake offense. “Hey, I can be a lady!”

Harry snorted again, deeper this time. “I’ve got lots of manly friends that still act like more of a lady than you do.”

I lightly whacked him in the shoulder as I laughed, knowing there was some underlying truth to his statement. “That’s funny. I always pictured Harry Styles to wind up with a lady.”

Harry raised his eyebrows. “Now, see what happens when you assume things?”

 

“Hey, I forgot to mention something. I’ve got some bad news.”

My body froze at Harry’s words. That phrase never sounded good.

MY heart began to pound. “What is it?”

“Whoa, whoa. Calm down.” Harry grinned as he pressed a long index finger to my pouted lips. “It’s nothing drastically life-changing.”

I whipped his hand out of my way. “What is it, Harry?”

“We’ve got a show scheduled for tonight. I’m going to have to head to the venue shortly after we check into the hotel.”

“Is that it? What’s so bad about that?”

“Well, I didn’t want you to be be bummed that I had to leave, and you’d have to sit in the room first thing after we arrived. So do you want to come with me to sound check and everything? I’d feel awful leaving you to rot.”

I felt a slight numbness after listening to the kind tone behind Harry's words. I leaned over and kissed his cheek.

“Only if you’re sure I won’t get in the way of anyone.”

He grasped my chin and kissed me right back. “No. If anyone acts rudely to you, then they’re in my way. Understood?”

I saluted him. “Yes, sir.”

 

The rest of the flight was filled with stories of our lives over the past couple of months we’d spent apart. I often found myself looking away as I got lost in a story, only to come back to reality to have Harry smiling at me as I realized I would subconsciously play with his fingers. He’d watch our conjoined hands and he told story after story about his antics while on the road, and the incredible opportunities the band received on a daily basis. I think these are the stories I would never get over. Out of everything Harry shared with me, he got the most light out of looking back and sharing stories of the memories he had with his practical brothers. He spoke of them with such adoration and admiration, and a slight flush would come to his cheeks as he got excited all over again reliving the adventures he told me. I’d often find myself rubbing my index across the crimson skin, treasuring the heat they emitted. I wouldn’t ever believe that Harry hated touring-- I believed if he could find a way, he’d do just that for the rest of his life, not minding in making his tour bus his real home.

 

We arrived in Mexico before the other bandmates did, but that didn’t make it any easier to navigate the airport. Paparazzi and fans had been there for hours already.

Pulling up to hotel, I gasped louder than was probably necessary. I’d hardly gotten a glimpse of Mexico, and already I was seeing the most beautiful sights in my existence.

“This is where we’re staying?”

Harry leaned over to me to peer out the window. A smirk was growing on his mouth.

“Yeah… But don’t lose it just yet. This is the front view. The back is even more breath-taking than you could imagine.” He pressed a kiss to my cheek before sliding back to his side of the car. “Don’t forget to keep your head down when you get out,” he reminded me.

 

“Holy shit,” I stammered, standing at the door to our room. I couldn’t put into words the beauty the view in front of me held. The whole room had a bit of a rustic feel, keeping up with the “aged” theme like the entrance. Aside from the typical kitchenette, the sitting space contained a few chairs all facing each other, a large television hung up on one of the side walls. There was a couple of french doors that opened to lead out to the patio, where an elegant-looking table and chairs sat. A long white wall wrapped around the patio, extending out far enough that when someone looked out over the wall, they were standing right in the middle of the natural mexican waters.

 

Harry followed in behind me, carrying our luggage.

“It’s nice isn’t it?” He placed a hand on my hip, rubbing a little bit before applying pressure so that I moved, having been slightly in his way of bringing in our suitcases.

I rushed outside, feeling the cool air blowing against my face and brushing back my hair. I peered over the wall on the patio, soaking in the view of the gorgeous shade of indigo water straight below. Looking slightly to my right, the beach connecting to the ocean sat right under the resort, trailing across the side of the hotel building.

I walked back inside the room just as Harry came out of the bedroom. He sauntered over to me, taking my hands in both of his, pulling them out to my sides. He leaned down to my height and pressed a kiss to my lips.

“So, what do you think?”

“I’m in love right now. Thank you so much for letting me come.” I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his neck just as there was a knock at the door. Before Harry could reach the door, it was already being opened.

“You think Harry would’ve learned to make sure these things are locked at all times,” Louis’ voice rang out as he came stumbling in over his own luggage he was he was wheeling.

“Heeeey, this isn’t your room!” Harry faked annoyance as he scrunched his eyebrows.

Zayn and then Eleanor followed behind Louis, being mindful of all of the crap Louis had in his hands.

“Just wanted to get in and see that my two favorite lovebirds made it safely,” Louis joked as he walked up to me, enveloping me in a hug. ”How’ve you been, Love?”

I exchanged a few words with Zayn and Louis before Eleanor pulled me into a tight hug and then a few yards away so that we could talk in momentary privacy.

“How are you?” She half-whispered.

“I’m fine. Why?”

“Are you happy with the suits you got? Are you feeling better about the situation you had before you left?”

“Oh, yeah I’m feeling so much better now. Again, thank you for everything. Like, I cannot tell you how much pressure this took off of me.”

Eleanor grinned and pulled me in for another hug. “I told you I’d be looking out for you.”

 

Shortly after, the band had to head out for soundcheck, so Eleanor and I tagged along. I didn’t mind though; I enjoyed the extra time I had to talk with Eleanor and catch up a bit, or ask more questions I had about how she dealt with things I didn’t even know I had to deal with on a daily basis.

 

Their first show in Mexico was above the success I had been expecting. The crowd was cooperative and responsive, and anyone could feel the energy the band got from feeding off the crowd. Eleanor and I stood more towards the sidelines of the arena, not completely hidden away but not out in plain sight either. Needless to say we’d been spotted a few times, but Eleanor made sure that we stayed together at all times. We held hands as we weaved through the people, and she whispered encouraging words to me when we caught large numbers of girls staring at us. It reduced the stress the intimidation of the crowd.

 

When the show was over and the boys were backstage, they were still so incredibly amped up. They couldn’t shut up on how amazing the crowd had been, and how they hoped the rest of their week in Mexico finished with the same results.

 

“I wish I could go up to every single person who came to the show tonight and thank them personally for being part of such an incredible crowd,” Harry spoke as we exited the venue. The night was calm, with a very slight breeze to help eliminate the humidity that naturally came with the mexican air.

“Well, there’s some right up there,” I pointed our intertwined fingers up a small hill, signaling a number of fans that were stationed out under a pavilion, a spot where they would notice if their favorite band member just so happened to be walking by.

Harry smiled at me and then turned to face his guard walking a few feet behind us.

“Can we…?” He nodded his head up the hill, where all of the girls began squealing and piling out of the pavilion like a herd of elephants. The guard sighed, and places a hand around both of our shoulders before leading us up the hill.

The screams got louder as we got closer, and I stopped a few yards away from the group of girls, standing next to a wrought-iron set of table and chairs. Harry gazed at me a moment as the guard held him, freezing Harry where he stood, shouting at the girl to all get and stay under the pavilion to keep some type of orderly fashion.

“I’m fine right here,” I ushered Harry to step away from me. “Go.”

Harry followed James to the pavilion, where he greeted the girls and signed some things and took some pictures. After a few minutes had passed, I found myself drifting closer to the pavilion, still making sure I kept a safe distance from under the roof, not to get any fans angry with me for trying to mingle in on their pictures. Really, all I wanted to do was watch. I wanted to see Harry interact with all of these girls whose shoes I had been in less than a year ago.

As I stood there longer, just minding my own business, I grew very aware that lots of the girls had taken notice that I was present. Some of them waved to me and shouted greetings towards me, to which I kept quiet and waved back to them. However, there was a trio of girls closest to me under the pavilion who would not stop glaring at me.

Their glares only intensified as they leaned in to whisper to one another, giggling every so often. I was doing an okay job of ignoring them until they started speaking within earshot of me.

“She’s so gross.”

My head shot towards the girl in the middle, who was smirking at me, confirming that yes, she was talking about me. I immediately looked away, trying to brush off the comment.

“Honestly, it pisses me off that Harry’s with her. Like, you can’t tell me he refuses to do better than her.”

I clenched my jaw as I tried my hardest not to turn my head again to look at the girls.

“Oh god,” one of the other girls chimed in. “I seriously can’t stop laughing at her. How much you wanna bet she comes from some rich family that paid him to date her? God, she looks so fucking stupid.”

“That hat is legit retarded.”

“Please tell me how this girl thinks that dress actually looks good on her. Dude, it highlights every inch of her love-handles.”

“Look at the cellulite on the back of her legs.” A gagging noise sounded from the girls.

“Okay, I can promise you if they’re really dating, there’s no way in Hell Harry’s fucking her. She’s repulsive. Like, even look at her face. She’s got acne scars all over it and her skin is a piece of shit.”

I didn’t look back at the girls once during their entire performance of belittling me into a freak show. As I felt tears pooling my eyes, a deep voice resonated around them.

“Excuse me.”

I whipped my head to to face them just as they did the same behind them.

They gasped as Harry stood right behind them. I hadn’t noticed that Harry had made his way around the large group of girls, and just so conveniently stopped right behind my bullies. They probably would’ve wrapped their arms around Harry-- tackling him to the ground even, had he not looked so incredibly pissed off.

“Harry! I love you!” The middle one squealed, trying to shake off the sour look on Harry’s face.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve been standing here taking the time to say hi and take pictures with some fans, and over the past few minutes I’ve been over here, all I was able to hear were awful comments you were directing towards my girlfriend.”

That caused the trio to go quiet as mice.

“And it’s very hard to try and keep conversation with people who have been standing out here waiting for ages for us to come out of the building, when all that can be heard are such nasty things being said. So not only are my feelings hurt that I’ve even had to hear such vile things said about a girl, but it also caused a cut in valuable time I had to chat with those fans that waited so patiently.”

I had to say, the look on the middle girl’s face was beyond priceless. She looked like someone smacked her.

“Ohmygod, Harry, I’m so sorry. We just love you so much, an-and, we would never want to hurt your feelings ever.”

Harry’s jaw was tensed up. It was obvious he was holding back on things he really wanted to say.

“Then it doesn’t make sense to me, on why you would say hurtful things to someone you know I care about. Why is it that people seem to claim they love the rest of the band and myself, yet find the chance they get, to hurt all of our loved ones? I’ve seen so many awful things online, but it’s really something when I bring my girlfriend to a nice, relaxing vacation from her schooling, and on the first night, has all of these negative things spoken to her.”

By this point, two of the girls were in tears. The girl on the right was just brimming them, but Middle girl had them racing down her cheeks.

“H-harry,” her voice was hoarse. “I’m so sorry.”

Oh, but Harry wasn’t done.

“Now, see, why are you the one crying? You were not the one who just got ridiculed and torn apart by having every single one of their imperfections pointed out to them. God forbid you’d ever have to face something like that in your life. Sounds pretty awful, right? Well, imagine being in her shoes and having someone find a way to point those same things pointed out to her on a daily basis.” Harry used his hand to gesture at me, the three girls following his gaze. I kept frozen, keeping my arms crossed and gripping onto my elbows. By now, other fans who hadn’t gotten pictures yet were coming up to him, pulling on his arms and begging for pictures and autographs.

“Harry, just ignore them and sign some more autographs,” I spoke, surprised when it came out in a croak. I cleared my throat as Harry and the trio watched me, followed by looking down at the gravel.

“You’re right, Harry. We’re just jealous of her. We were being idiots, we’re so sorry.” One of the other girls aside from the middle one spoke up for once. “Please don’t hate us.” Her pout was so upsetting it was almost embarrassing. It really looked like a child pleading to her father.

“I don’t hate anyone, especially any of my fans.” He tried consoling the girl who spoke last, but other fans began pulling on his clothes some more. He leaned down to those fans and spoke to them.

“I’m so sorry, but could you guys just give me a minute? I promise, I won’t leave until I’ve made sure I’ve gotten a picture with everyone.” Harry turned back to face the girls he was speaking to previously. “I appreciate your apologizing, but I’m not the one you picked on…” Harry eyed me again as his voice trailed off, the other girls doing the same.

“Oh, Noah, we’re so sorry,” the girl stated. “We really didn’t mean to make you cry.” I wasn’t even aware I was crying until the girl pointed it out. I wiped my hands on my face, and sure enough, I was crying.

“We were just riled up and excited that Harry was here, and-”

“Oh my god, Kristen, would you stop?” Middle girl spoke up again, glaring at her friend before back at me. It startled both Kristen and I. I glanced over to Harry, but he had gone back to quickly signing autographs and taking pictures.

“We shouldn’t have to apologize to her.” She was glaring at me again as she spoke her words. “We shouldn’t have to apologize for saying what we think. She was the one that eavesdropped on our conversation.”

The bewilderment must’ve been evident on my face, because she rolled her eyes at my expression.

“Okay, like, why are you even crying? Huh?” The girl’s voice began rising, and I took definite note of the fact that Harry was back to watching them, frozen in his state of being in the middle of signing an autograph.

“Like, that’s bullshit. How do you even have a right to cry over anything? I just got chewed out by my favorite person ever just for expressing my opinion, while you’re the one who gets to to live the dream of every girl ever. What could possibly be so wrong with your life that could even make you upset right now?”

The fact that this girl was so ignorant to how things really were for me made me all the more frustrated. I started crying a little bit more. I’d been good at not letting these things get to me until now, and a lot of it probably had to do with a stranger telling me all of the horrible attributes about myself, when I hadn’t even spoken to her once during her entire tangent.

“Rose, stop. That’s not necessary.”

“No Kristen, shut up. i’m so pissed off right now.” I honestly believed if there wasn’t a barrier of the confines of the pavilion holding this girl back, this girl would’ve easily tried to take a swing at me by now.

“Stop crying! Why do you even care what a worthless person to Harry like myself says. You’ve got it all right now. Yet, you’re still crying. And why is that? Because you’re seeking attention and want the entire world to feel bad for you. God, can someone please tell me why Harry is so attracted to this piece of shit? Because not only is she fat and ugly, but now she’s using Harry for attention.”

“Rose! Are you retarded?” The third girl interjected. I was terrified at this point.

“NO!” She whipped the girl off her arm. “I literally can’t stand you. I hate your fucking guts!” And without warning, ‘Rose’ picked up her styrofoam cup she had set on the banister of the pavillion, and chucked it at me. I wasn't aware of the fact it was sitting there all that time.

I had no time to react to the cup flying straight to me, landing right on my chest, followed by a rebound and the lid popping off the cup. Red liquid sloshed out of the cup, and narrowly missed my clothes-- but spraying the entirety of my bare legs in the process.

“ROSE!”

Chaos broke out under the pavilion as soon as the incident happened. Girls began screaming at Rose, along with her own friends. Girls started calling my own name, but before I could even look up from the mess that was just created, I felt an arm wrap around my elbow and jerked me away, pulling me far from the pavillion. I looked up to see Harry, jaw clenched so incredibly tight I could feel the stabbing pain that was probably going through his mouth. His grip was tight, but not enough to cause uncomfortable pressure. He looked thoroughly pissed off. I’d never seen him so mad. Hell, I didn’t think Harry Styles possessed the ability to get that angry.

James was right in front of us, leading all the way to the car that was waiting for us since the end of the concert. Harry continued to walk at a fast pace, dragging me along with him. He kept it so steady that he was pulling us past James, reaching the car before any fans could come running down the hill. Harry yanked the car door open with a force that shocked me, and I wondered if he was going to throw me in the back seat. His actions proved otherwise, when he just simply held out his hand to me, having me grab it and hop into the seat. He instantly closed my door behind me.

That was when I first grasped onto what had just actually happened, and I began to cry all over again--really cry. I wasn’t crying because those girls said those awful things; I already knew people had those same thoughts already. It made me upset that those girls said those things in front of Harry. They brought so many flaws on my body to light, and I feared that maybe Harry hadn’t taken notice to all of those horrible details on my body until they said something. Not to mention I just got torn to shreds in public, and the unspoken double-standard that hung over my head prevented me from standing up for myself like I normally would have-- with forceful glares and colorful language.

I was already looking down at my feet when Harry came around his side.

“Hey,” I felt his breath on the side of my head as he slid across the expanse of the backseat. I felt his arm pry between my back and the seat, squirming to wrap around my side. He pulled me to his chest, forcing my crying face into his dark blue collared-shirt. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, rocking me lightly back and forth. He brushed my hat off my head and gently placed it to the seat beside him. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated. His soft tone only made my tears fall faster. I pulled away from Harry, not wanting to ruin his shirt with makeup. I buried my face in my hands, attempting to wipe away the tears as to not damage my mascara. It would only add to the situation if I suddenly transformed into a hideous clown.

I heard Harry rustling with something behind the seat, in the hatch of the car. “Here.” He wrapped an arm around my thighs, pulling them up onto his lap. I took ahold of the hem of my dress before it could slide down my body. I watched Harry as he took the hand towel he now had in his hands, one that looked similar to the ones the boys used in concert as a sweat rag, and rubbed it up and down my legs. The red liquid had still been dripping down my calves and I hadn’t even realized it.

We both kept silent as he used quick strokes to wipe off my legs. As he travelled up my thighs, he grasped the hem of my dress in his own fingers, seeing the faint red stains drying on the material. He rubbed his thumb across the stains, as if he was trying to remove them with his own touch. He peered up at me for the first time since we got in the car.

“I have a way to get this out. I promise.”

I silently nodded and returned my gaze to my now clean legs. “Thank you,” I muttered, sniffing and wiping another stray tear from my cheek.

 

The rest of the ride back to the hotel was silent as I rested my head on Harry’s shoulder, picking at my nails the remainder of the time. Harry stared out the window, watching the scenery pass by. He seemed to be deep in thought. I wanted to figure out what was going on in his mind at this moment. I always wanted to know what was going on in his head, but I couldn’t muster up the energy to ask him after my crying episode.

 

When we pulled up to the Hotel’s entrance, the driver spoke up.

“James is already waiting for you outside. There seems to be a lot of people lined up in the lobby.”

Harry muttered a ‘thank you’ and popped open the car door, eliciting dozens of ear-piercing screams.

He held my hand as I trailed behind him, up the step to the lobby doors. Inside, the scene wasn’t any better. Even more girls were waiting for Harry in the lobby, suddenly launching themselves at him.

Harry stopped me in front of the elevator.

“Hey, I’m going to stay down here for a bit and do some… Damage control. I’ll take some pictures, say hey to some fans before tonight’s incident is all over the internet, okay?”

I silently nodded before digging my head into Harry’s tough chest, wanting nothing more for him to come upstairs with me and make me feel better. However, I knew he’d be doing both of us a favor.

“Go head up to our room, get comfortable, order anything you want from room service. I’ll do the same when I get back, okay?” I nodded some more, keeping my head in his chest as I desperately tried to block out the voices of the people watching us. 

When the elevator signaled its entrance, I scurried inside. Harry kept planted in his spot until he made sure the doors shut all the way.

 

I was still a wreck even when I got back to the room.

I took the time to wipe off the access makeup that had stained my cheeks during my crying session. Thankfully, it wasn’t a large amount.

I didn’t feel like getting comfortable like Harry had told me to, since anything I would’ve changed into was a bit more revealing that I was willing to shoot for after this evening. I didn’t feel like ordering food without Harry either, so I found myself staring at the mirror, glaring at every inch of my disgusting body. All of those cruel things those awful girls said to me flashed back through my head. I didn’t even realize I was subconsciously rubbing my fingers over my dreaded features until the door burst open, leaving me frozen in front of a very solemn Harry.

We exchanged glances for a long moment until he soundlessly shut the door behind him. I took a seat on the side of the bed looking away as I knew Harry was burning a hole in me with his gaze. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I turned back to him.

“I don’t want this to ruin you.”

I blinked. “What?”

Harry scrubbed his hands over his face, then walked over to the closest wall, leaning his forehead against it. He brought his bulging arms over his head, making fists, pressing them to the wall. He stayed in this position for a while, when finally he turned back around to me, face and eyes rosy red.

He took a few steps closer to me, a sudden look of desperation in his eyes. He got to his knees as he crawled in front of me, resting his arms in my lap.

“I-I” He shook his head, having a difficult time trying to say whatever he wanted to. “I have lost so many people in my life since the day I auditioned for X-Factor. Everything has changed for not only myself, but everyone who’s still been a part of my life. Every. Sing. Person...” He poked the mattress with each word. “Who is still with me that was there from the beginning, has had to change who they are to continue to be a part of my life. They’ve had to make some huge life decisions, or personality alterations just to continue to stay with me. This has created such a burden on my conscience, that sometimes I can’t stand myself. My mum, my sister, my dad, step-dad, cousins, friends, everyone that my life still touches, has changed. My mum isn’t the same person she was four years ago, and same goes for the rest of those people. They’ve all had to develop this hard shell when dealing with the rest of the world, so that they don’t become trapped in this catastrophe of evil that my job comes with. They have to become hard to some degree whenever they’re in any place except their home, and I hate it. I hate it so much.” He rubbed his eyes again.

“I wish I could peel away all of those layers that my family and friends have built around them, but it’s very hard being the one to tear them down when I’m the reason they exist in the first place.” Harry looked down at my lap and tangled his fingers with mine, bringing them close to his face. He payed attention to every detail of my hands as he fingers ghosted over the skin.

“I don’t want this to change you. I don’t want to see another shell being built around another person I care about.”

I felt tears brimming my eyes again and all too soon, one of them slipped and plopped on my wrist. The action shocked Harry, as he looked right back up to my face.

I sniffed. “I’ve had a shell built around me since the day you met me. Harry, it’s already a part of who I am.” With each word spoken, I could feel my self-control loosen a little bit, and I noticed I started crying harder.

“I can take on a lot of things on my own. I can stand up for my loved ones when someone’s bringing them down. I can back myself up when I state something I believe in. I can even be a leader for someone that needs one. That’s always been who I am, and I won’t change that… But I can’t take on the world. I can’t do that alone. I’m not invincible.”

Harry nodded and kissed the backs of my hands a few times.

“That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try… I just need to make sure that if I want to continue to face-up against all of this slander and harassment, that I won’t be standing alone.”

“You won’t be.” Harry held my hands tighter. “I won’t let you.”

Even with Harry’s reassuring words, the tears still pattered down my forearms as I kept my head facing down.

“But the things those girls said… They’re true.”

“No.” Not a beat of silence was felt before Harry spoke up.

“Yes, Harry.”

“Noah, no.” I felt nimble fingers grip onto my chin, pulling my gaze towards Harry’s. I closed my eyes, the frost in green eyes too much for me all of a sudden.

“Noah, that’s bullshit and you know it.”

“No!” My voice went at a higher pitch than I planned for it to come out. “You know it’s not. You’re not fucking blind. I’m not either.”

Harry got off his knees and paced around the room, pulling at his curls as he did so.

“Noah, you can’t let them get to you like this.”

“It’s not them. It’s the truth.”

Harry dug his face in his hands again. I thought he would remove them after a moment, but he froze in that position for a very long time. I was starting to think he was getting mad at me when he removed them, crossing one arm over his chest and using his over hand to scratch his jaw. He aimlessly wandered over to the balcony of our room, staring out the window.

“I need to tell you something,” He said after a long time.

Anxiety flushed through my system. “What?”

Harry licked his lips and pushed back his already gelled-up hair. He came back over to the bed and sat down dangerously close to me; the intensity in his eyes was was only increasing. He leaned face only inches apart from mine.

“What if I told you I was in love with you?”


	7. Chapter 7

“What if I told you I was in love with you?”

 

If it were possible for time to actually stop, that moment would’ve been the case. When Harry said those words, my heart plummeted to my stomach. Suddenly, my pulse grew strikingly apparent in my own ears. Was it possible to forget how to breathe on top of that?

“What?” My voice sounded foreign due to the hoarse feeling in my throat from crying. Harry tried to compose himself as much as he could, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. When he opened them again, it was like the sudden tone on Harry’s face changed with it. He went from intense to desperate, his lips parted slightly as I watched his pupils dance back and forth between my own eyes. When he seemed as though he was about to say something, he huffed and clenched his fists against his eyes, hunching his muscular back.

“Shit,” I heard him mumble under his breath.

I couldn’t figure out what was going through my head. I felt a sense of vertigo run through me, catching me off guard since that was the last thing I expected Harry to say.

“Wh-what?” My voice shook.

“Noah,” Harry lifted his head, looking at me with a sudden exhaustion in his eyes. “I knew this from the beginning. After the first time we met, I was skeptical on my feelings because sunrises have a way of reflecting their power into us. However, I distinctly remember the sun faded later that afternoon and my thoughts over you wouldn’t stop nagging me. They were nagging me, saying I was going to fall in love with you.” He licked his lips. “And I can’t sit here and pretend that I understand how you can put yourself down like this all the time.”

I felt the familiar frustration bubbling up in my system; the type of frustration that normally associated with me lashing out at other people.

“Because, Harry. I just had a drink thrown at me because that girl hated me so much!”

Harry stood from the bed once again and pulled me up with him, gripping me by wrists.

“Would you stop with everyone else? Don’t make it about them! This is about you!”

My eyes began swelling with tears in record-timing. Harry was mad at me.

“Fine!” I tried yanking wrists from his grip but I knew that was a hopeless idea. He didn’t budge.

“You don’t love me. There is no way you can love me. You’re lying. You’re wrong. Or, something. I don’t even think you know enough about me to love me. Because if you did, there’s no way you’d be saying that.”

“Noah, you are so goddamn wrong about this and it pisses me off.”

I cringed, knowing that Harry was well-aware about how much I hated the term, “goddamn”.

“Sorry,” he mumbled under his breath, letting my wrists go.”

“Well, I can’t stand here and understand how you could’ve even started liking me in the first place, let alone love me, when I can’t even love myself.”

Harry huffed, then kept silence. Just when I thought my heart was going to break because this would be the end of this conversation, he spoke again.

“You think you have everything all figured out. You think you have yourself figured out, what everyone else is going to think about you figured out, and so forth. You know what I see? I see a part of you that you can’t even see yourself, because you’re so determined on this idea you have of yourself, you’ve never stopped to consider anything else.”

“What?” I said.

“You give and give to so many people. You think you give so much love to your friends and family, and you put hours and days and weeks of yourself into other people, that you’ve got nothing left to give. You think you’re emotionally drained and that you’ve got nothing left to give, because you get nothing in return.”

“Are you saying I’m not giving? Are you saying I’m selfish?” I was astonished that Harry could say such awful things about me.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. But you are right about something-- you don’t love yourself. For some unknown reason, a reason I cannot wrap my head around, you can’t come to peace with yourself. Whether it’s your body, your personality, your mind, or whatever, there’s something about yourself that you can’t come to terms with. And because of that, you can’t love yourself. I see it, and it’s more obvious than you think. But because you can’t love yourself to your greatest extent, you can’t love others to your greatest extent. You’re afraid to give everything you have to any one person, and that’s the part that drains you. The fear. You’re afraid that anyone could see you as you see yourself, and you wouldn’t want anyone to see you that way.”

When Harry was done speaking, I was unable to keep up with the amount of tears coming out of my eyes.

“Then how can you love me, if I don’t know how to properly love anyone else?”

Harry stepped back up to me, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and cupping the back of my neck.

“Because I’ve never met someone so fearful of love, so fearless in everything else that they do.”

I wrapped my arms as much as I could around Harry’s midsection. 

“I know who you are, and I know you’ll be able to overcome this shitty mindset you’ve put yourself in.”

I didn’t say anything as I sniffed into his neck.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“I’m sorry I suck so bad.”

“Stop it.”

“Sorry.”

After a moment, Harry loosened his grip. I stood up straight once he let go.

“I mean it, Noah. I love you.”

I looked down, playing with my fingers.

“I’m still scared you don’t mean it.”

“I know.” He took my hand and slid his large fingers in the slots between mine. “You’ll figure it out. Eventually.”

 

As my internal episode began to calm down, the fluttering of butterflies returned to my stomach. I had always been the girl nobody saw as a potential other-half of a relationship, but now I was dating Harry, someone millions of girls and guys love. What’s weird, was that he was the one claiming he loved me.

 

We ordered a large dinner from room service, having worked up an appetite from our screaming match. We changed into more comfortable clothes, and sat on the couch in the middle of the room while we waited. I was still jumpy and nervous and even a little pained, and that was noticeable on my features. Harry didn’t push me to say anything; I think he knew the mess going on in my head. He was too patient for his own good. That only made me feel more guilty for not saying anything after he told me he loved me. It made me feel even guiltier that I still wasn’t sure if I believed him.

Did I love Harry? Well of course I did. I practically loved him before I properly met him. And when I did for that first time at the hotel in Georgia, I had convinced myself I was allowed to be in love with him solely because he was Harry styles, and I met him once, and therefore I was allowed to have feelings for him unlike the other girls in the world who had yet, or never would, meet him.

But I was scared to let him know just how I was truly feeling. If I told him I loved him, that meant I let down my wall, and Harry would have complete control over my feelings. He could manipulate and destroy them at the snap of his fingers. Harry had more power than being a celebrity to me-- he held the power of being the first person I’d ever be this vulnerable to if I allowed myself to let him in. It was scary knowing he could pack up and leave anytime he wanted, and more than likely, take my heart with him. There was so much about myself that I had yet to tell him. Stuff that still made me ashamed, that still created demons in my head.

But at the same time… I knew who he was. I knew he would not set out to hurt someone. I learned very quickly about the heart this boy had, and here he was, jumping head-first into love. Perhaps he had been through more than I had, and yet, he was being more fearless than I. How was I supposed to react to that?

 

I hadn’t even realized I was crying again, lost in my own thoughts. It took Harry’s large index finger to swipe across my cheek for me to come back to reality.

“What’s wrong?” Harry’s face was dangerously close to mine. We’d been curled up on the couch as much as possible. I was leaning back against the arm of the couch, my body extended over Harry’s lap. Harry was leaning over my face, an arm wedged between the seat to wrap around my hips. His other hand had been brushing over my knee, massaging his fingertips into my kneecap in attempt to calm me down. I took notice that he stopped when he wiped my face.

“I thought we were done with being sad,” he solemnly joked. His hand didn’t leave my face, now using his fingers to brush my cheek up and down.

“I’m scared.”

Harry scrunched his eyebrows. “About what?”

I took a deep shaky breath, forcing myself to stop the tears..

“To tell you that I love you.”

He was taken aback. His face froze, unsure of whether he should smile, or be concerned that I was scared. I threw my hands in the air dramatically, figuring I might as well go all-in at this point.

“Harry, I love you. I’m so in love with you. I was practically in love with you when you were just a face on my tv, and I fell even more in love with you the first time we met. It’s only getting worse for me, and that scares me. I’ve only ever had my heart broken, because I’ve never been enough. I’m scared you’re going to find something that will make you want to leave.”

Harry shook his head. He was clearly in a daze.

“I’ve never been in love with someone who’s been in love with me right back. You love me?”

I was so desperate to get everything across to him, and I hoped it was evident on my features.

“Yeah. Yes. It hurts.”

Harry stared at me for an agonizing amount of time. Or rather, he started staring at me and I did right back, trying to make him aware just how hard this was for me. He was analyzing me, something he always had to do when I went on some sort of verbal spree. He analyzed every word I said, my body language, my facials-- He was my own personal magnifying glass. And I had learned, my best form of communicating to him was through expression; not words.

“You love me.”

“YES.” I lightly shoved him off of me and rubbed my temples.

Harry took my hands in his after prying them from my head. “ Noah, please believe me when I say that I love you. I know it’s so hard for you to believe me, but please know this isn’t easy for me either. It’s so hard for me to get close to someone anymore. It’s so hard to put my feelings on the line when someone has the power to take them and throw them out to the world. Please,” Harry shook me lightly, forcing my eyes to his. The same look of desperation I had moments ago, was now mimicked on his face.

“Please don’t shut me out. Please just trust me when I say that love doesn’t come any easier to me. I may have millions of people tracking my every move, but there’s a huge difference between admiration and real love. I, I-I” He started getting flustered with his words. His cheeks were noticeably pink. “I’m scared too. I love you, though. That’s all I care about right now.”

“Tell me why.”

Harry paused. “What?”

“Tell me why you love me.”

He propped himself up to his knees, leaning so he was towering over me. He trapped my head against the armrest between his hands.

“That could take the rest of my life.” He chuckled. “I firmly believe that love is not something that can be explained in a few sentences or a speech. I think real love is something that takes a lifetime to explain.”

I thought Harry was just making an effort to be extra corny to make me laugh, but when I didn’t say anything, I saw just how serious he was being. And once again, I was struggling to find a single imperfection about this kid, and just exactly what I did that God decided I deserved someone so great.

I was done questioning him, though. I was sick of worrying, and he’d put so much effort in trying to ease my mind. It was time that I’d let it all go for a while, and to just enjoy this time I had with Harry. Besides, I couldn’t expect Harry to continue to be honest with me if I was going to doubt everything he said. He hadn’t done anything to deny my trust thus far, and it wasn’t fair that I punished him for all of the people before me. One day, I’d tell him everything. But as of now, I just wanted so badly to laugh, and to smile and to have fun. I wanted to just be in love.

“Well, you better start explaining then,” I joked. Harry swooped down and tickled my sides momentarily, followed by resting his forearms on either side of my head. Our noses were centimeters from touching.

“I love you.” He murmured.

“You’re pretty cool I guess.”

I felt his breath hit my face as he chuckled. He slowly leaned in to kiss me, being very cautious after the night we had.

It was slow; so incredibly slow and so incredibly hot. And god, was I seeing stars. I wrapped my fingers around his semi-curls that weren’t so curly anymore. I yanked on the roots a little harder than it was probably necessary, pulling up Harry’s lanky body with it. I felt a large hand creep under my neck, gripping it and pulling up, forcing my entire body up in the air as I was pulled down on the opposite end of the couch, now on top of Harry.

“Don’t let me squish you,” I whispered jokingly.

“I’m going to kill you,” he murmured, resealing our lips.

 

“So now that we’ve aired this out, does this mean I get the Noah that everyone else gets? The rude one that’s sometimes vulgar and not really nervous, but very cuddly?” Harry asked this as he applied some chapstick to his now raw lips. “Or am I still too scary for you?”

I snorted as I turned back to the movie we’d been watching. I pondered his questions for a second.

“Don’t attack my face anymore and we’ll see.”

Harry laughed loudly. “Don’t pull my hair out of my head, then.” He got on his hands and knees and crawled over over me, getting in my face again. “Can I cuddle with you, now?”

I had to take in the sight of the blue face that I could only see from the reflection of the tv. He looked like he was made of marble, his chiseled jaw highlighted. His green eyes practically glowed as the movement of the characters on the screen played over his irises. His lower lip was molded into a pout and his hair was smashed across the back of his head, almost separated into two parts and closely resembled devil’s horns.

He looked like the ultimate dork that he was. But he was also a beautiful fucking masterpiece that I knew I would treasure, whether he did the same for me or left me to wither.

“Fine.” I faked annoyance and rolled my eyes.

He grinned and stretched out to plant a kiss on my nose before plopping on top of me, resting his head right in-between my breasts

“Jesus Christ, these are comfortable.”

“Thanks. I made them myself.” I was thankful for the darkness so that Harry couldn’t see my massive blushing. “This doesn’t bother you, does it?” He looked up at me, and I couldn’t not laugh at the site of my chest covering a large portion of his face.

“No. Just don’t talk about my tits anymore.”

“Fine.” He nustled his head in my chest again. He brought a hand up and squeezed my left breast.

“Harry!” I wasn’t all that offended, but I was thoroughly embarrassed and sort of self-conscious and maybe just a little bit turned on.

“You said I couldn’t talk about your tits. You didn’t say I couldn’t touched them.”

I covered his eyes with my single hand, grabbing his own with my other and biting it.

“Ow!”

“Go to sleep you moron.”

“Gladly.” He closed his eyes as I removed my hand from them, and didn’t move his head from my chest. He wrapped an arm around my midsection. Normally, that would’ve been a problem. I wouldn’t want anyone digging their hands into the fat pockets anywhere near my abdomen.

But tonight, I’d be okay with it.


	8. Chapter 8

I was awoken the next morning to Harry’s phone ringing. I groaned and tried my best to open my eyes, but it was still for the most part, dark outside. All it did was set the mood to shut my eyes again.

I rolled onto my side, cuddling into Harry’s figure, trying to block out the ringing. However, I was stuck listening to the obnoxious noise until the voice mail picked up.

That is, until Harry’s phone started ringing again.

I huffed, trying to dig myself out of the warm confines of Harry’s bronzed skin. It was clear that he was awake too, nuzzling his face into his pillow until the ringing stopped. The third time around, I bolted up and shook Harry on the shoulder.

“Harry,” I croaked. I closed my eyes and fought the spell of vertigo that overwhelmed my brain for a moment. “Harry, answer the phone.”

“Mm.”

“Harry, it won’t stop ringing. Get it.”

“Mph.” Harry blindly reached out towards the side table on his side where his phone laid. He peered at the caller ID and muttered a “shit” under his breath. He sat up once he unlocked his phone.

“-ello?” Harry’s ‘H’ sound had been cut off by the heavy rasp in his sleepy voice. He cleared his throat and peered at me, eyebrows scrunched furiously, clearly in pain with the minimal light in the room.

“Go b-ck t’ sleep,” He could hardly mumble. “-ll be quiet, pr-mise.”

I slowly lowered my head back to my pillow, still keeping my eyes on Harry as he listened to the loud voice speaking.

The person on the other line spoke for a long time. After a few minutes, I felt my eyes getting droopy again, so I snuggled back into the covers, preparing myself to go back to sleep. I scoot back into Harry’s side, where his hand came up to lightly scratch my scalp, painfully slow. I vaguely paid attention to Harry’s comments. He occasionally muttered “Seriously?” and “Shit” and “Yes, I know,” at different points. However, he continued to brush through my hair, which only lulled me to sleep faster at this point.

When he hung up, I was too tired to ask who was on the phone, or even what the call was about for that matter. He wiggled back down the mattress though, finally removing his fingers from my hair. I thought he was going to go back to sleep, but I heard the click of the television remote and his fingers fumbling to turn the volume down to a much lower level.

I could feel myself falling back into a slumber until the voice of a reporter on the television perked my hearing.

“Last night, an incident involving Harry Styles, famous member of boyband One Direction, broke out under a pavilion stationed right outside the Plaza Monumental stadium.”

My eyes didn’t even get a chance to open all the way before I shot up from the bed, only to be faced with a woman in a heavy Spanish accent, with a photo behind her head of Harry from the night before, an unpleasant look evident on his face.

“Styles was seen leaving the venue after performing a concert as one of the many stops on the band’s world wide tour, exiting hand-in-hand with his girlfriend of a few months, Noah Shambro.”

I cringed at the way my name sounded on her thick accent, almost making my last name sound like something completely different.

“Styles stopped outside of the pavilion where dozens of fans were waiting, hoping to get the chance to meet one of the members of the band. He had begun signing autographs and conversing with some of his fans, while Shambro resided in a spot several meters away from the pavilion. A fan-filmed video, taken on an iPhone 5, showed a group of three teenage girls standing along the perimeter of the pavillion, shouting verbal and obscene comments into the direction of Shambro. Shambro, however, did not respond. The video shows Styles having a conversation with the three girls, asking them why they were harassing his girlfriend. The video concludes with one of the girls throwing a soft-drink at Shambro, and shows that the lid pops off, spraying Shambro in the process. This is followed by Styles quickly leaving the premises, dragging Shambro behind him. The video went viral within the hour, sending social media sites into a frenzy.

Despite the events that played out, Styles reportedly did stop to meet and take pictures with fans when he got back to his hotel. Shambro continued up to the room.”

The shot of the woman cut to a piece of the infamous footage spreading all over the world. My heart sunk as Rose’s hurtful words were being spoken a second time. Although the video was a bit blurry, the anger inside Harry’s eyes was unmistakable.

Before the footage could conclude, Harry turned off the television; the silence in the room suddenly became deafening.

“Oh my god,” I mumbled, suddenly feeling very tired all over again. I rubbed my eyes with my fists as I languidly sunk back into my pillows.

“I’m so sorry,” Harry muttered quietly. His voice was incredibly rough, very tainted with sleep and now, aggravation.

“Why?” I asked, turning on my side to face him. I pulled on his white t-shirt, indicating him to lay back down with me. He obliged.

“None of this was your fault,” I said.

“Oh stop.This whole thing is a mess.”

There was a pause between the two of us.

"Is your team mad?"

"Oh, they're beyond mad. They are livid," Harry emphasized the last word in his sentence has he slithered himself from the bed.

"Where are you going?"

Harry didn't answer me as he sauntered into the bathroom, not shutting the door behind him completely.

I fell onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. I was contemplating all that had happened in the past few days. Not only had my status in the world of One Direction been amplified in a matter of hours (for better or worse, I wasn't sure), but my relationship with Harry was altered. I wondered; what would the confessions of the night before, bring to the table this morning? I already noticed a shift in Harry's actions. His touches were already more intimate and and drawn out. And even the more subtle things, like leaving the bathroom door open. As weird as it was to dig deeper into the actions of my boyfriend while he urinated, I couldn't help but to take notice of the intimate action, indicating that he was not shutting me out in the midst of conversation, but perhaps initiating a more comfortable and reliable feel that would not have been able to be expressed the day before.

Several moments passed before he returned, drying his hands on the athletic shorts he wore.

"You know what? No." He sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm not doing this. Im not going to let this get to me. That’s what they want.” He paused as he inhaled sharply through his nose. “I just have to remind myself that I can’t let them win.”

As he spoke to himself, I felt a smirk spreading across my lips. There was a beat of silence before Harry looked back at me.

“Okay then.” I joked, noting how amusing I found his little tangent.

“You okay?”

“Harry, I’m fine. Now, can you do me a favor?” I laid my arm out by me, palm up. He looked down at my hand before placing his own in mine.

“Of course. Anything.”

“Can you let me go back to bed? I’m supposed to be on vacation.” I winked and turned my back to him before he could respond.

“Brat,” He muttered before sliding back into the bed behind me, where I fell asleep to the twisting of my hair.

 

I was awoken yet again a few hours later to a persistent knocking at our door.

“Noah! Open the door! Are you okay?” The shout from the other end indicated Eleanor as the person knocking.

It continued as I wearily sat up and forced myself out of the bed. I covered my eyes as I travelled the way to the door, bumping into things a minimal amount of times.

“Who is it?” Harry rasped right as I opened the door.

“Oh my god, are you okay?”

I swear I could feel my eye twitching at the light.

“What are you talking about?”

“Lou and I were just having breakfast when the news came on. I just saw the report on what happened last night! Are you all right?”

I shut my eyes as a flash of vertigo went through my body. Clearly I wasn’t on the same consciousness level that Eleanor was.

“What time is it?”

“Nine.”

“Hmmm.” I rubbed my eyes. “Eleanor, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? That was an awful thing that girl did. Nobody’s ever stooped that low before. Are you upset?”

“No, honestly I’m fine. Harry and I had a long talk about it last night. It’s okay.”

Eleanor stepped over the threshold of the door.

“Noah, this is kind of serious. I’m scared things are getting worse… For them.”

“Whoa, El… It’s too early for this. They’re okay. I’m okay. Harry’s okay. Everything is okay.”

“I’m sorry, Noah. I just got so freaked out when I saw that clip. I just texted and called you and I didn’t even think about you still sleeping. If someone ever treated me like that in public I would’ve freaked out.”

“Trust me, I was halfway there.”

Eleanor was quiet when Harry snuck up on us.

“Is everything all right over here?”

“I was just making sure you guys were okay. That story about last night is everywhere.”

Harry groaned. “I know. We saw it earlier this morning.”

“Are you getting chewed out for this? Louis was receiving a call from your team when I left a moment ago.”

“Not really, but I bet they’re making their rounds right now.”

“Okay. I just wanted to check in on you. Niall’s in our room, if you wanted to join us for breakfast.”

“Give us a few minutes,” Harry said as he wrapped a warm arm around my shoulders. My heart began to pound as I turned to face Eleanor.

“All right. I’ll see you in a few.”

Instantly, I found myself pinned to the wall as soon as the door was shut.

“Good morning, my love,” Harry whispered against my neck. I grasped the wall behind me as tight as I could with the tingling that passed through my legs.

“How’re you?” His lips moved up to my ear.

I brought one of my hands up to his neck, sifting through the tighter curls that sprung out at the base of his head.

“Mm. I’m good. Are you all better from your panic attack?” Harry half chuckled.

“Funny how I’m the one with the panic attack for a change.” He kissed my jaw.

I couldn’t even come up with a witty comeback. The feeling in my body was overpowering and all I could get out was “uuhng.”

Harry snorted as he pulled away, grabbing my hand and tugging on me.

“Tomorrow I’m gonna have to wake you up and show you the sunrise from our balcony.” He pointed to the doors that led outside. “It’s gorgeous.” He abruptly spun around, crashing into me. “Almost as gorgeous as you, of course.”

I raised an eyebrow at the awful line he just used on me, knowing he was only half serious. “Why are you being all mushy this morning?”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he cupped my cheeks, running his index fingers under my eyes ever so slightly.

“I love you,” he mumbled.

I was used to Harry turning all romantic on me out of the blue. I was not, however, used to the gaze he held in his eyes as he looked down at me. Whenever I thought of Harry Styles giving that special look to someone, I expected it to be a girl (or guy, whatever the case could’ve been) that had moved mountains for him; someone who could bring his own personal sun and stars to life. But I never expected him to give this very look, to someone who had not done those things.

“I love you more,” I said sincerely.

 

It was odd for me to watch Louis and Eleanor interacting when Harry and I entered their room. I didn’t want to be too nosy, but I couldn’t look away from the two of them as they sat cuddled on the couch. I was so intrigued on the way they communicated, since so much speculation always circulated around the two. It was cute to see them giggling together, Louis nudging his nose against her cheek.

“Hey,” Harry snapped me from my thoughts. “My sister’s on the phone… She wants to talk to you.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “Why?” Recalling the last time I saw his sister, I did remember she wasn’t the fondest of me. And according to the apprehensive look in Harry’s eyes, he too remembered our less-than-pleasant encounter.

“I… Don’t know.” He thrusted the phone in my hands. I reluctantly pressed the phone to my ear as I turned my back to Harry, stalking over to the back window of the room.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Noah? It’s Gemma.”

“Hey.”

There was a pause.

“Look, I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

“...For?”

“For how I treated you when my brother brought you home. I know I wasn’t very nice to you. I just, I saw the clip of that girl harassing you last night, and--”

I groaned.

“And, it made me realize that not only did you not deserve what happened last night, but you didn’t deserve how I treated you either. I should’ve been aware that you were probably dealing with a lot already when you came over, and I really didn’t help. I’m so sorry.”

“Oh… It’s okay.” I was kind of at a loss for words.

“No it’s not. I was such a bitch. I’m so sorry. It’s just… I probably don’t have to tell you this, but my brother’s been through a lot since this whole ‘fame’ thing started. He’s been taken advantage of a lot, and I absolutely hate that he lets it happen to him. So, I find myself trying to do the defending for him. I just didn’t switch out of that mode when he brought you home.”

“It’s all right, Gemma. I understand.”

“You know, he hasn’t brought a girl home since before he audition for the X-Factor.”

“Yeah, he mentioned it.”

“We’ve all been a little reluctant for that day to come-- My family and I. I’ve been scared that he would bring home some… Oh god, I don’t even know. Someone awful.”

There was another silence. I couldn’t tell if she was hinting to me that she thought of me that way. So, I opted not to speak.

“I couldn’t be happier that he chose someone like you,” she said. She sounded as though she was getting choked up. “God, I’m so relieved it’s you. You’re so good for him. I know this already. So damn good for him.”

I suddenly felt like our entire conversation was being exposed as I stood in a room full of people. I looked over my shoulders; nobody was paying attention to me. Louis and Eleanor were still cuddled up and Harry and Niall were chatting over food.

“Thank you,” I mumbled. “I appreciate it. I don’t see how you can say that, but that really does mean a lot to me.”

“Oh, you’ll figure it out in time. Now, I’ve got to get going. But please, come back and visit again soon so that I can fix my shit first impression.”

I half laughed. “Okay. I’d love to come back. I guess I’ll let you go.”

“Oh, Noah, one more thing.”

“What?”

“Don’t listen to what that insignificant twat said to you. You’re gorgeous.”

I closed my eyes, trying to keep my emotions at bay. I felt lame getting worked up over a little conversation like this.

“Thank you, Gemma.”

 

“Trust me, this gets old really fast.”

Eleanor and I were seated in one of the back seats of the stadium while One Direction performed sound check. Eleanor was tossing a water bottle between her hands while I rested my head in my hands. I turned my head to face her.

“What?”

“Watching them. Sound check more so than their shows.”

I turned back to look at the boys. There wasn’t much to look at, with no crowd and no energy. I could see where Eleanor would feel that way about soundchecks, but I didn’t think I could ever get bored of watching them during a show.

“Are we expected to come to every single rehearsal when we’re visiting?”

“Oh, god no. I scheduled a nail appointment during Tuesday’s. You in? My treat.”

Before I could protest, Eleanor jumped out of her chair. “They just got a break. Now would be the time to win them over with food.” She grabbed the large bag of greasy fast-food we had picked up on our way to the stadium. “Let’s go.”

“There’s my lovely sugarplum!” Harry greeted me when I entered his designated dressing room. I paused, the bag of food dangling in my hands.

“What the fuck?” I laughed. “Don’t call me that.”

Harry rolled his eyes. “Oh, come here my ray of sunshine.” He reached out and pulled me to him, forcing me to fall over onto his lap. He wrapped an arm around my neck and planted a kiss to my head before helping to sit me up.

“So, I was told it was feeding time.” I thrusted the bag of grease into his palms.

“Ugh, this is why I love you.” He dived right in to the bag. “I’m starving.”

I watched him, amused at the way the curls at the back of his neck bounced with his sudden movements.

“Is my little popstar tired?” I mocked, not being able to stop myself from tracing the curls.

“Mmm. You know it,” He said with a mouthful of food. “I thought of a great way we could relax tonight, though.”

As he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, the familiar feeling of a hammering heart filled my ears at record timing.

Shit, oh shit, please no. Please don’t suggest--

“How about we break in the jacuzzi tonight?” The glimmer in his eyes was prominent; the smirk too.

“Wh-what jacuzzi?”

He leaned in close, whispering in my ear.

“The one on our balcony.”

I was silent for a second, biting my lip nervously. Of course, I knew we would be heading to the beach the next day, and of course I had built up anxiety over it. But I had been in the mindset that I still had time before I faced the music of Harry seeing me in a bathing suit. I could only hope the darkness could hide me at this point.

“Noah!”

I snapped from my thoughts.

“I only want to relax my muscles… With you, of course.” He winked, kissing me again. “When I say I want to relax with my girl, I actually mean I want to relax.”

“Okay, okay.” I rushed out quickly. “Let’s just drop it.”

“Noah.” Harry’s presence suddenly turned urgent. He leaned forwards placing both hands on my knees.

“I want you to listen to me. I am not going to push you for sex until you tell me that you’re ready.”

“Are you sure? Isn’t it part of the fame to ‘fuck around’ all the time?” By the look of his face, Harry knew I was mostly kidding.

“Lucky for you, staring into your eyes is enough to get me off.”

I found myself doubled over in laughter, Harry’s statement being the cause.

“That was so awful,” I said through my laughter. “Oh my god, you’re so bad at that.” Harry was unsuccessfully trying to keep a straight face. “Like, I need you to stop.” In attempt to cover his mouth while laughing, all I could cover was his entire face.

“But at least I got you laughing.” He pulled me into his side, moving the fast food bag. “Okay? We’re okay? We’re good?”

I nuzzled into his arm, breathing in a scent mixed with Harry and french fries.

“Yeah.”

 

After a second ultra-successful show in Mexico, Harry was almost passed out on my shoulder in the backseat of the van.

“That was awesome,” he mumbled, voice rugged.

It was,” I agreed. I reached up and rubbed my fingers against his cheek.

“What was your favorite part?”

I started laughing before I could even answer.

“That part where Zayn threw his sweat rag to some girl in the fourth row and she cried so hard she threw up.”

Harry shot up from my shoulder. “No shit? That actually happened?”

“Why do you think I transferred myself backstage for the second half?”

Harry chuckled a bit, sleep taking over his eyes. I noticed this a routine; He’d come back from the show, still bouncing off the walls before finally crashing within the hour. After another couple of hours, he’d be bouncing off the walls again, well after he should’ve been asleep. It was a vicious cycle.

“I swear, some girls…”

“Hey, don’t make fun. You don’t know what it’s like being a diehard fan. It’s a lot of work.”

“Mmm. You’re right.” He smiled lazily, rolling his head to lean against the window. “What’s your favorite song of ours?”

I was about to answer, but paused for a second. “Have you really never asked me that before?”

“No, I guess not.”

“Hm. Well,” I shifted to lay on Harry’s shoulder, resting my legs on the expanse of the backseat. “It’s a tossup for me. Either Same Mistakes or Over Again.”

“Why those?”

“I don’t really know. I really liked Same Mistakes when I first started listening to your stuff. It stood out from everything else. It’s always been really soothing to me. You know, that’s a song a lot of the fans wished you guys had performed live. I know a lot of them would kill to hear it.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah.” I began running my fingers up and down the tanned skin of Harry’s arm. “Maybe you should look into that. Just randomly put that on the set list somewhere. Make thousands of hearts stop beating.”

Harry laughed. “I will definitely look into that.” His fingers began twirling my hair. “Why do you like Over Again so much?”

“Shit. That song is powerful. Like, there’s so much desperation and hope and yearning in your guys’ voices and it just shows a different side of you. The more intense, emotional side. I think that one’s my favorite. When I first saw you guys last year, I teared up a bit when you performed it… Pretend I didn’t just tell you that.” I felt the flush pooling in my cheeks.

“Well, the life of a fangirl is pretty hard,” he mocked.

 

Back at the hotel room, Harry showed me to the jacuzzi I had clearly missed when I took a tour the day before.

“Wow. That is really nice.” I stood gawking at the giant bathtub in front of me.

Harry chuckled as he came around behind me, lifting the hair at the back of my neck.

“Only the best for you,” he whispered jokingly. He pressed a kiss to the back of my neck and sent sparks all down my spine, causing me to shiver.

“Why don’t you go get changed and meet me out here when you’re done?” He slid his hand down the back of my neck to my arm, all the way to my hand, where he grabbed it and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. “Take as much time as you need. “

“Kay,” I muttered softly as I scurried off inside the room, heart pounding the whole way. I yanked the three suits from my suitcase and scattered them across the bed. I was shaking as I peered at my options.

“Okay, that one’s a no.” I grabbed the most revealing pink option and tossed it back in the suitcase. I pondered of the red and blue one, or the black one. My breathing was shallow as all these thoughts consumed my mind. And then I decided, save the black one for broad daylight, when I’d be around not only Harry, but his bandmates too, in which, I wanted to wear the safest option then. I grabbed the blue and red two-piece and sighed as I headed to the bathroom, flicking the light on and catching my reflection in the mirror. There was a glistening all over the skin of my face, which could’ve easily been mistaken as from the humidity of Mexico. I knew, however, it was primarily from nerves. I ran my fingers under my eyes to clear some of the access eyeliner.

“Get your shit together, Noah,” I mumbled to myself.

I threw the suit on as quickly as I could with shaking limbs before I peered into the mirror again. I sighed with great relief when it occurred to me that I didn’t look nearly as bad as I was expecting to. I thought I looked pretty damn good, but my opinion wasn’t the one that mattered (although my subconscious knew something was very wrong with that thought), but Harry’s. I could only pray he thought I looked nice too.

After running a brush through my hair and another glance at the mirror through different angles, I took a deep breath and exited the bathroom. Even walking across the room, I knew there wouldn’t be much light. This too, made me happy. In fact, by the time I languidly slid the door open to the balcony, I figured out that the only source of light was coming from inside the jacuzzi, lighting up Harry’s face with a dark purple color.

“It’s kind of dark out here,” I tried to joke, trying to play off my nerves.

“Do you want me to turn on the patio lights?” Harry stood from the water, his face disappearing into the night.

“No no no, this is good. I like it.” I mentally patted myself on the back when Harry sat back down in the water.

“Well then, come join me.” Seduction dripped from his voice, tantalizing as the rocky tone lured me towards the jacuzzi.

I tried to step in as fast as I could without coming off as though that was my intention. Harry took a hold of my hand to help me in. The warm water felt great against my clammy skin, despite the humidity. I sighed as I sunk in, leaning against the wall.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Harry asked, scooting closer to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulders. 

“Mmmmhmmm.” I curled into him, resting my head and a hand on his bare, tan, beautiful chest.

“Whoa,” he said. I looked up at him, where his eyes were directed down back to me. I looked down myself following his trail of vision. Most of my body was covered by the water, so I knew my midsection would be ironically hidden by the shimmering water and bubbles from the jets. When I looked down, I was practically face-to-face with my breasts as the suit pushed them up extremely high, and extremely close together.

“Those are hot. You’re so hot.” He rubbed his hand down my back as I blushed deeply.

“Hmph. Right. Thanks.”

I tried as best as I could to take the attention away from my body. It wasn’t all that difficult either since Harry was more than willing to talk about other things. We talked and joked around for a bit as we kept still for the most part. I’d often find myself absentmindedly tracing one of his tattoos, and he’d pause in conversation whenever it happened. He’d just look down at me and smile, not saying anything.

“Where’s your favorite place in the world?”

“I’ll be honest with you, but you can’t make fun of me.”

“Why would I make fun of you?”

“I dunno, but I have a good reason for it.”

Harry laughed. “You have to tell me what it is first.”

“My favorite place in the entire world, is Disney World.”

Harry did not laugh, but he did smile. “Why does that not surprise me? I do recall Aladdin being your all-time favorite movie.”

“Two points for you.”

“Why would I laugh at that?”

I sighed. “I don’t know.”

“You need to stop being so self-conscious about everything.” He adjusted his posture so that he was leaning farther back in the tub. “Now tell me, why is it your favorite place?”

“Because it does a really good job of making you believe there’s nothing bad in the world. It makes you think you can do anything. My family’s gone a couple times, although it’s been a while since we last went. We went when one of our family friends was fighting a downhill battle with colon cancer, and ironically enough, he had an obsession with all things Disney, like myself. And even though he was in the back of our minds the entire trip, while we were there, we just couldn’t help thinking that it’d be okay. That he’d be okay.”

Harry’s hand transferred to my arm, cupping it as he rubbed.

“And was he?”

“No. He passed away a few weeks later. But still, any place that has that kind of power over people is pretty special.”

“I’m sorry. Doesn’t sound very laughable to me.”

“No, I guess not.”

We were silent for a while, his hand on my arm and my head against his chest.

“I love you,” he said into my hair.

“I love you more.”

“No.” And with that, he pulled back from my head, leaning down and attaching his lips to mine. He brought his hands to my face, cupping my jaw and pulling me as close as he physically could. I was halfway on his lap as he pushed my back against the wall, yet still pulling me forward by the face. I didn’t know where to put my hands, it was so intense. They were all over his shoulder, chest, back, neck, until finally I just settled for his sculpted stomach. He ran his thumb across my chin as his tongue entered my mouth. Soon, he didn’t know where to put his own hands. With my chest very obviously pressed against his, he moved his hands to my shoulders, then my arms, then back up to my collar bones, where his thumbs just barely grazed the top of my breasts. He didn’t move them any farther down though as we kissed some more. We kissed until I was straddling him, my chest hurting from the tight compression of our bodies.

I pulled away reluctantly and he peered down between us again. “Fuck,” he hissed, fiercely biting my lip. “You’re gonna be the death of me.” Another kiss.

I hummed as I curled back into his chest his hands coming to my back.

“Sorry,” I squeaked.

“Are you tired?” He asked.

“I’m practically dead.”

“How about we get dried off then get some sleep? We have a big day of doing nothing tomorrow.”

“Perfect.”

I removed myself from Harry as he got out first, stopping at the steps and holding out his hand to help me out. He had a towel wrapped around my body as soon as both of my feet reach the patio flooring. He ran his hands up my sides, pressing to try and dry me off. I sucked in my body as he caressed over my midsection, tightening my muscles as hard as I possibly could. His gaze met my eyes and for a second I thought he caught on to what I was doing, but he only smiled toothlessly before pecking my nose.

Before we went inside though, Harry had to steal one more kiss from my lips.

 

After changing and getting comfortable in the bed, I was close to falling asleep any second. Harry was on his back, I was on my stomach, laying next to him. His arm was extended out to me, brushing my hair back against my head.

“You never told me your’s,” I stumbled over my words, barely awake.

“My what?”

“Your favorite place in the world.”

“Home. Not exactly my house, but as a state of being. Feeling comfortable enough to immerse myself completely in the environment, or people, I’m surrounded by.”

“Hm. That’s funny.”

“Why’s that?”

I paused, trying my hardest to speak with the last piece of consciousness I had left.

“Because maybe I’m on my way home.”


	9. Chapter 9

“Noah, darling, wake up.”

I awoke to the husky voice above my head, shaking me softly.

“Why?”

“The sun is just starting to rise.”

Are you kidding me.

“So what? I’m sleeping.”

“So, I told you I was going to show you the sunrise, and that’s exactly what I plan to do.”

I groaned as Harry pulled the warm blankets from my body.

“C’mon, you can go back to sleep when it’s done.” He invaded my hand with his, pulling lightly. “Let’s go.”

I groaned again and I slowly obliged. I sat up, needing to take a moment before I budged again.

“C’mon slowpoke we’re burning daylight here.”

“Daylight isn’t even here yet,” I whined as I stood up. “But only because I love you.”

Harry winked as he led me outside. It was mostly dark, but everything was drenched in a dark purple haze as colors of pink, red, orange and yellow just barely poked over the horizon.

“This better be an amazing sunrise or I’m asking for a refund.” I settled in to one of the chairs and propped my feet up on the wall of the patio. I felt a couple of large hands cup my shoulders from behind.

“Oh trust me, you’re going to fall in love,” he whispered in my ear before disappearing back into the room.

 

I watched intently as the head of the sun grazed the ocean when suddenly something soft plopped over my shoulders. I peered up to see Harry looming over me, having dropped a blanket on me and holding a mug in each hand.

“I am not drinking coffee at five in the morning,” I joked as Harry took a seat to my right. He rolled his eyes with a smile on his lips, knowing that my sarcastic comment doubled as a thank-you for the gesture.

“Don’t worry, silly. It’s just tea.” He set the mugs on the table in front of us. As I adjusted myself to turn and face him more, his hands came up to my jaw, hooking his fingers behind my ears. The heat from the mugs radiated from his hands, sending a pleasing shiver throughout my back. When I thought he was going to lean in and kiss my lips, like he always did when he grabbed my face like that and stared at me with those doe-eyes, he actually shot right for the neck. He leaned over and began lapping his tongue over one particular spot on the right side of my neck, halfway between my jaw and collar bone. He alternated between licking and sucking, pulling the skin into his mouth and then releasing with a pop.

He was smirking by the time he pulled away, wiping his lips with his forearm. I glared at him.

“You didn’t.”

I reached out for Harry’s phone that was sitting on the table, pushing the home button then swiping up the camera icon until his camera was front-facing. I aimed it down towards my neck, pushing my hair onto the opposite shoulder. And sure enough, there was a nice, full maroon mark where Harry’s lips had been.

“Why!” I shouted, smacking him in the arm repeatedly. “Why why why! Why did you do that?”

“What?” Harry shot his arms up in mock innocence. “I thought it’d be a nice accessory to go with your suit today.”

“Literally fuck you,” I smiled, whacking him again.

“Literally fuck you,” Harry mimicked me in an obnoxiously high voice that sounded nothing like my own.

I jumped out of my chair and pounced on him… Sort of. I avoided throwing all of my weight on him for obvious self-conscious reasons, but I rested my knees on the edge of Harry’s chair as I pulled myself up using Harry’s shoulders. Instead of attacking him like my actions had lead on, I simply buried my head into his shoulder, rubbing my nose back and forth against his neck.

“Joke’s on you,” I mumbled. “I sound more like a man when I speak, so you were inaccurate.”

“Stop it.” I felt a kiss planted to my hair. I didn’t move for a while, breathing in the scent of Harry and trying everything I could right then and there to memorize, so I would never again have to endure the feeling of trying to remember what he smelled like, and never being able to place it, since nothing compared to Harry.

 

We cuddled just like that for a while. Harry ran arm up and down my spine very slowly, occasionally massaging his thumb into the notches of my spine.

“Now this is the sunrise I wanted to show you,” he murmured in my ear as he helped spin me around on his lap. I peeked over my shoulder, not expecting much. However, I did a double take, jumping off Harry’s lap.

“Holy shit!” I scrambled to the edge of the patio wall.

I was at a loss for words at the sight in front of me. The sun had risen a notable amount since I had last checked, far past touching the water now. The entire sky was filled with shades of orange and red, and not much else. There was not a single trace of blue in sight. The sun was one solid blob of white, a red ring outlining it’s perimeter. The clouds surrounding us were blackened from the intense haze, and a long line of clouds blended in with the horizon as they got farther away. The sky made the water an extra darkened shade of blue, making it impossible to see beyond the surface; a total contrast to the normally crystal clear exterior.

I looked behind me where Harry was standing, arms around my shoulders. It was only then that I took notice that not only was the sky covered in a red haze, but everything else. Harry was, the patio was, even my arm was when I peered down.

“Isn’t it awesome?”

“Its so weird. A good weird.” I extended my arms out in front me, still examining the red film against skin. “I feel like I’m on a different planet.” I peeped up at Harry only to find him grinning down at me.

“Red’s a good color on you.” He lightly tapped the mark he had left on my neck a short while ago, then leaned down to plant a kiss on my lips.

“Thank you for showing me this,” I whispered.

“And what have we learned from this experience?” He asked.

“What?”

“That Harry is always right.” Before I could protest, he pushed his lips to mine again.

 

We stood silently once again, taking in the rising sun before our eyes. The longer the silence, the more Harry’s scent filled my nostrils, the dizzier I got, the more my heart pounded-- All because I was encompassed in someone that I knew cared for me in a way I never dreamed they would. As I thought about all of this, I paid no attention to the way I subconsciously grabbed onto his right hand, cradling it to my chest. I had been running my fingers over his, brushing and massaging them, and occasionally closing them into a fist, holding his hand back to my chest.

I didn’t know how long I was doing that before I paused, actually coming to my senses with what I was doing. I looked up to see Harry smiling even wider than before, so clearly amused with me. I felt the flush pooling in my cheeks, so I quickly turned my head back towards the horizon, trying to be as subtle as possible with setting his hand down to his side.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay, Vee is a very bad person but Big Boo definitely takes the cake for worst character ever.”

After a great start to my morning with the sunrise and then a couple more hours of sleep, Harry and I, along with the rest of his bandmates and Eleanor in tow, headed down to the beach. Louis, Zayn and I, had gotten on to the topic of one of our favorite tv shows, ‘Orange is the New Black’, and who the absolute worst character was in that show.

“Okay, you’re dumb,” I said to Louis as all of us toed through the sand of the beach, all carrying gear.

“Excuse you!”

“How does anyone else on that show even compare to the level of Vee’s ickiness?”

“Ickiness,” Louis repeated, chuckling under his breath.

“I don’t know too many people that masturbate with a screw driver,” Zayn cut in.

“Yeah, last time I checked, women could still get off using their fingers.”

“Oh my god Lou, cut it it out!” Eleanor whacked an arm across Louis’ chest.

“What kind of show is this?!” Harry asked from the far end of the group.

 

After a bit of walking, we reached a location that was not normally allowed access to the public. The hotel had promised the band a secluded area that would for the most part, be clear of other people.

“Look, all I’m saying, is that Vee was a brilliantly written character that was also played very well, while Big Boo leaves little to be desired. Literally.” Louis concluded as he threw his beach stuff in a pile on the sand. “Hey babe, come rub me up.” He held a bottle of sunscreen out towards Eleanor.

As those two immersed in their own little conversation, I wandered back over to Harry, who had already rolled out both of our towels over a couple of chairs.

“Sounds like I’m missin’ out. Maybe you and I should start our own marathon of ‘Orange is the New Black.’” He had the ultimate sneer on his face as he made the comment, leaning back into the chair and crossing his arms behind his head.

I laughed. “Your commentary would definitely be something worth hearing.”

Things paused for a second. Harry just continued to look up at me through his very-expensive sunglasses while I stood by our chairs. Harry sat up and shucked off his t-shirt revealing a gorgeous, tan, tattooed torso that instantly had me sweating. 

“Your turn,” he waggled his eyebrows.

I began to fiddle with the sleeves of my coverup. The nerves suddenly really sat in. I looked around, seeing if anyone else was watching us.

“C’mon babe, you’re gonna be fine.”

Any coherent thoughts I had left went straight out the window as soon as Harry called me “babe”. I smiled as a warm feeling went through my body. I shook my head to rid myself of any nasty thoughts and just ripped the band aid-- or, the cover up.

Harry’s jaw dropped a bit as he removed his sunglasses from his eyes. That could’ve been a very good, or a very bad thing.

“What?” I asked, the nerves more than obvious on my face. He scooted across his lounge chair and stood in slow-motion.

“Harry, what?” I was straight panicking at this point that the bathing suit looked putrid on me.

Harry stood arms length from me, wrapping his hands around my shoulders.

“Holy shit,” he said quietly to himself.

“Harry!” I was almost in hysterics.

“Oh my god, baby this is so hot.”

Whew.

“What? Really?”

“Noah, you’re so sexy. Fuck, how am I just now seeing this part of you?” He rubbed his hands down my shoulders to my hands, taking them in his. He kissed both of them. “So hot.”

“Yay.” I cheered quietly, unable to hide the relieved smile on my face. The suit was a success. I had tackled another milestone in this relationship. That meant something.

“I really just want to rip it off of you, if I’m being quite honest.” He languidly slid his hands up the curves of my hips. It normally would’ve bothered me greatly, but the suit hugged my body so tightly, it hid everything I would’ve normally been insecure about. However, I was still embarrassed wearing it, thanks to Harry’s comments.

He bent down to my ear. “How am I supposed to be okay with you walking around in this number, with my bandmates not far behind? Don’t want any of ‘em snatching you away from me.”

I slid my hand up the back of his neck and into his hair, pulling his forehead to mine.

“You couldn’t get rid of me that easily. Even if you tried. “

“Mmm.” He hummed as he pulled me in for a kiss. “Don’t wanna take my chances.” Before I knew it, I had been lifted into the air and over Harry’s shoulder.

“Oh my god, Harry!” I squealed as he began to run towards the ocean. “What are you doing?!” I reached behind me to grip onto Harry’s forearm, which had a firm grasp against my backside.

Without answering, he tossed me into the freezing water, following in pursuit.

I gasped once my head broke the surface, salt water burning my eyes and nostrils and the feeling of thousands of icy needles poking me.

“Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy,” I groaned when Harry popped up behind me. He laughed, blindly reaching out to secure his fingers in my waist again.

“I had to think of some way to get you in the water.”

“You could’ve asked me first.”

“Yeah, well…” he inched his fingers around my body, bringing them together on my stomach. I stiffened my posture, tightening my stomach as much, and subtle as possible. “I caught a glimpse of Niall ogling your arse.”

“Bullshit,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around Harry’s tanned neck as I smiled at the mischievous glimmer in his eyes.

“Oh, he definitely was.” He dropped his hands to my thighs, directing them upward to wrap around his waist. It wasn’t as bothersome to oblige, since this time we were in water and my weight wouldn’t all be pressing down on him.

“God, I want you so bad.” He groaned softly. He brought his hands to my bottom, kneading with both of his hands underwater where nobody could see. As he massaged me, he smiled a tiny bit before eventually allowing his eyes to travel downwards. My chest was bobbing in and out of the water along with the rest of our bodies. He brought one hand to one of my breasts, performing the same action as he had done to my backside. Most of his hands only caught my suit when he did so, but his thumb was kneading a sliver of skin that was cut out from the shape of the material, and the slight pressure mixed with the skin-on-skin contact was heavenly.

For a few minutes we simply floated while Harry took his time feeling my body. I was actually enjoying myself, not too concerned with how I looked at that point, since my body was hidden in plain sight. But Harry made sure he didn’t forget any part of my body as he massaged both of my breasts, my shoulders, my waist, my hips, my spine. even my thighs. This was hands down the most ‘felt up’ I had been, and probably ever would be.

He made sure not to forget even the tiniest section of my torso that was exposed in the suit. The opening of the one piece resembled that of a plunging neckline of a dress, extending from the chest all the way down to above the bellybutton. However, the amount of torso revealed was miniscule. But, that didn’t stop Harry from trailing his index finger from the valley of my breasts, all the way down to where the opening ended, all the way back up again. The sensation sent chills throughout my body every time he reached the part of me that was sitting underwater, making the cold touch of his finger amplified.

The entire time he did this, I watched his face-- falling in love with him a little bit more every time his touch reached a new point in my body, and his eyes didn’t turn from fondness to disgust.

Being lost in my own thoughts, I hadn’t even noticed when Harry’s hand brushed some of my hair over my shoulder, exposing my neck.

“How ‘bout I give this little guy a friend?” When I came back to focus I figured out he was talking about the hickey that I had completely forgotten about since that morning. 

He bent down and began suckling on a patch of skin under the mark, this one now much closer to my collarbone. I leaned my head back, relaxing at Harry’s touch, not really minding if any of his pals caught a glimpse at his action. Besides, this group would be the most normal Harry and I would ever be if we ever wanted to be like stupid teenagers, performing obnoxious PDA in public, without any repercussions.

That was, until I saw a bunch of people standing on a ledge that overlooked the spot of the ocean and beach that the band had set up camp on. They were quiet, but they also had cameras.

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath, shoving Harry off of me a little harder than was necessary. I untangled my limbs from his body, now left to my own devices to float in the water.

Harry’s look of bewilderment proved he didn’t understand what was going on.

“Look up at the ledge behind me. They’ve got cameras.”

Harry peered up less than a second before turning his gaze back to me, not wanting to give the cameras satisfaction of getting a shot of him staring right at them.

“Son of a bitch,”he said, slapping at the water next to us. “Can’t say I didn’t see this coming.”

“What do we do now?”

“Well, we can either swim back to shore and lay out on the chairs for a very long time and be very boring until they eventually all go away, or we can continue on with our merry selves and say, ‘hey, we’re having a good time and we don’t care that you’re trying to ruin it.’”

“Okay,” I began, reluctantly swimming back to Harry’s body and snaking my arms around his neck again. “But, no more love bites until we’re behind closed doors then, all right?”

Harry grinned. “Yes dear.”

With a lull in the conversation, I decided that as long as we were putting on a show for the people and their cameras, why not have my own teeny tiny bit of fun? I fastened my legs around his hips again, pulling myself up his body a little bit. Slowly, I ground my pelvis against his abs, still unseen to the people above us. It was an action so unlike my normally reluctant demeanor when it came to anything sexual with Harry. His eyes bugged out and his jaw popped open.

“Noah. Michelle. Shambro. What are you doing?”

“Oh, nothing the cameras will catch.” I winked as one of my arms dove into the water, wrapping around Harry and squeezing at his ass. Harry laughed as he pushed his forehead against mine.

“As much as I love this sudden change in behavior, I too, am going to have to ask you to save any lewd behavior for behind closed doors. I don’t want any… issues, when I need to get out of this ocean.”

It was my turn for my jaw to drop at his bold statement towards his possible erections..

Our conversation was then interrupted by a giant splash, followed by a semi-blond head poking out of the water. Niall spit some of the water out of his mouth before turning to us.

“Are you two done fuckin’ yet?”

My face turned red instantaneously. “Whoa, we were not-”

“Noah, he’s kidding.” Harry rolled his eyes towards Niall.

“I mean, whatever you guys do on your own time is none of me business but there are people with cameras--”

“Oh, shove off,” Harry laughed, splashing some water in Niall’s face.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the end, the day surpassed all expectations I had dreaded all this time. I had come to learn that one of the greatest feelings in the entire world, was feeling the sun beating on one side of my face, while the other side rested on gorgeously built muscle, smelling too fantastic for words. I got to know the other four of Harry’s bandmates even better than when I had arrived, and any time I would ever spend getting to know them better, would be an excellent advantage. I learned what it felt like to have my stomach hurt from laughter, and not from pulling in any excess fat I felt I needed to at the time (although there was still a bit of that). It had been an eventful day and the people with cameras did no damage to the quality of it.

 

By the time the sun was setting, everyone was back at the hotel. Niall, a few of the crew members, the members of the band, Harry and myself were sitting on Louis and Eleanor’s deck, wanting to use the firepit it provided. Harry was sitting on one of the chairs, feet propped up. He had somehow wedged me on his lap, keeping an arm on my back as the side of my head nuzzled into his white t-shirt.

I was scrolling through my Instagram feed mindlessly when I stumbled upon pictures of Harry and I from today’s adventures. They weren’t all bad; most of them only showed Harry’s face in view, since the people taking the photos were standing on the ledge behind me the whole time. There were only a couple that really had me raising my eyebrows.

The first one was of me, flipping my hair over my shoulders and out of my face. I was hardly at a profile angle, but it was enough for the colossal hickey on my neck to be captured. And there was no denying it-- It was there, and it was massive.

Of course, the comments on the photo were all of girls either flipping out, or making jokes that weren’t all as sly as they thought they were.

The second photo hid my face almost completely, but displayed Harry’s very well. I was clinging on to his body as he peered up at me, eyes wide open and mouth in the shape of an ‘o’. I knew when this one was taken, and I smirked to myself as I wordlessly held my phone up to Harry’s face.

“HA!” I heard above me as my phone was removed from my hand. I tilted my head up slightly to see Harry take a screenshot of the image.

“I’m definitely sending this to myself. This is hilarious.”

When my phone was handed back to me, I scrolled through the comments to see if anyone caught on to just what exactly was happening under that water. There were some crude comments that were definitely more spot on than they probably realized, but most were simply laughing at Harry’s obnoxious face.

 

As the evening turned to night, I started feeling drowsy. Whenever Harry spoke to someone, the deep rumble in his chest would lull me closer to sleep. Not to mention, the large hand on my back that made slow circles across the expanse of my back. The exhaustion from swimming all day and the burning sensation in my eyes from the salt water unsurprisingly had me asleep in no time.

I don’t know how long I slept before a shaking woke me up.

“Noah. Noah, baby, are you ready to head back to the room?”

I blinked, gathering my thoughts before I sat up and looked around me, still in a daze. Some of the guys in the group were watching me, including Niall and Louis.

“Yeah,” I gruffed out as I stretched.

“You gotta get up then, m’dear.”

I groaned as I slid off the chair, pulling Harry’s hand so that he stood up too. I immediately leaned my forehead against his broad chest, feeling vertigo from waking up in an odd position.

“All right guys, we’re gonna head back. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

There was a chorus of goodbyes and I felt a hand take mine from the side. I adjusted my head to see Eleanor

reaching up from her perch on Louis’ lap.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Noah. We’ve got lots to talk about, lots of shopping to do.” We both smiled at each other for a moment.

“Thanks, El,” I said, giving her nimble fingers a squeeze while not removing my head from Harry’s chest.

“All right baby, let’s go.” Harry patted my back a couple of times before directing me away from the group of faceless people, since the fire was long gone.

As we walked inside Louis and Eleanor’s hotel room towards the hallway, Harry and I were silent, but my mind at this point was whirring. I could not miss the fact that Harry was now using pet names for me in front of his friends. And I certainly didn’t miss the knowing smile Louis and Eleanor shared when Harry coaxed me from my slumber. My insides felt warm and I smiled up at Harry, although he missed it. He was pulling at my arm while I trailed behind him, probably making sure I made it back without collapsing on the floor.

As we trailed through the hallway, I caught a glimpse at the way Harry’ skin gleamed under the dim hallway lighting. It made him look especially toned, tan, and hot as hell.

I eyed his form intensely as he hauled me. I took in the way his bicep bulged from the sleeve, the rounding of his calf muscles every time he took a step, how his skin had darkened so much the past couple of days that caused his entirely white t-shirt to go practically translucent, and his fingers that were pressing into my hand; the fingers that made every action they performed look sinful.

By the time Harry opened the door to our suite, I had really riled myself up. I gripped his shoulders and spun him around before pulling him down to me and kissing him forcefully. He bent his knees to allow my arms better access around his neck, which in turned allowed my reflexes to wrap a leg around his waist. Without warning, he lifted me up, one leg still dangling in the air. He walked a couple half-steps before casually pressing me against the wall.

The kiss had escalated much quicker than normal. He had slowly pushed me up so that I had to tilt my head down to continue to kiss him, my own lengthy hair covering our faces in one big curtain. And then after a while, I’d find myself sliding back down to his thighs, where he’d hoist me up again.

“Fuck,” Harry gruffed as he had to forcefully push my shoulders away from him. I didn’t want to stop kissing him. Ever. “I can’t stop thinking about that bathing suit you were wearing today. It was so damn sexy.”

“You mentioned,” I hardly noted as I tried pulling him back to my lips. It really wasn’t a topic I wanted to get into right at that moment. However, Harry wasn’t quite having it.

“Seriously, babe. What’s gotten into you?” He laughed.

“My lips parted to speak, but even as I was going to say that I just simply wanted him, I still found myself getting distracted by reddened lips and the dip of his collar bones.

“You’re really fucking hot,” I stated bluntly.

Harry smirked, raising his eyebrows in the process. “Well, the view from down here isn’t an unpleasant sight either.” He hoisted me up his hips again. “But why are you attacking me like I hold the cure for cancer? I do recall not long ago that you were petrified of me and didn’t even so much as want a hug.”

I pulled him in for another long kiss, heated and obnoxious. I couldn’t get enough of him. When our lips disconnected, I pushed our foreheads together again.

“One taste and I’m hooked.” And then straight back to trying to kiss him I went.

I only got a little bit farther before he pulled back again, once again needing to pry me off of him.

“What exactly are you saying?” He asked.

I tilted my head back a bit against the wall again as I seriously contemplated what I was trying to say. There was no point in denying anymore that he literally drove me crazy, just being enticing in everything he did. And after today, I allowed myself to believe that maybe in some aspect, I might’ve had the same effect on him. I thought about what all could happen if I just said “do me” right there. I thought about how pleasurable the experience would be, how much I loved him, how much I wanted to feel like sex would make my relationship feel more ‘normal’ or bonded. But on the flip side, I also knew that wasn’t always the case, and when I thought about actually having to remove my pants… Or worse, my shirt, exposing my bare stomach to him, everything that would require me to push myself out of a comfort zone far beyond something I was capable of reaching at this point in my life, my mood was thoroughly shot within an instant.

I pushed Harry’s hands off my me and slid down the wall, still caught up in my thoughts.

“What’s wrong? What did I do?” Harry’s troubled tone and furrowed brow brought me back to present time.

“Oh, nothing.” I mentally shook myself out. “I just suddenly got really tired again. I hit a wall or something.” I shrugged. “Guess that little burst of energy didn’t do me justice for very long.”

The look on Harry’s face told me he wasn’t buying it, so I reached up and pulled him in for one more soft kiss to avoid any uncomfortable questions.

“Why don’t we go to bed, then?” Harry pulled a piece of my hair behind my ear.

“I will after I take a shower.”

“Why don’t you just wait until the morning to take one?”

“Because I won’t be able to sleep in that clean bed until I feel clean myself.” Which, wasn’t a lie. But I wanted the shower more for a way to be by myself and calm down from the panic attack bubbling in my system.

“Okay. I’ll wait up for you baby.” Harry kissed my forehead before he turned and walked towards the bedroom.

 

As the shower ran and I waited for the water to heat up, I stood in front of the mirror. Angry tears were brimming from my eyes as I took in my devastating naked form. I felt my teeth clench as I grabbed on to the fat of my stomach, clenching and pulling, like I was trying to pull it in half. I turned to the side and took in the ugly crease of my side, which separated my stomach-fat from my back-fat. I cringed at the dimpling around my outer thigh and backside. And worst of all, the angry red lines that crossed all over my hips and waist, and the belly fat all around my bellybutton. I fingered the stretch marks before getting angry again, digging my nails into the flesh and wanting to tear them apart.

“You’re a fucking idiot,” I mumbled to my reflection. I paused as another tear soared down my cheek, plopping on my bottom lip. “He’ll never love this part of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, please feel free to contact me on Tumblr (weyheyable) as well! Feedback is always appreciated. Thank you all for reading. Oh, and please feel free to spread the word about this fic ;) I love reading fic too, so if you have any recommendations, please feel free to send them my way! :) Thank you all so much!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, you can find some notable pieces (outfits characters wore, pictures of certain settings throughout the story, etc) on my tumblr, weyheyable.tumblr.com. (http://weyheyable.tumblr.com/post/72794878532/tell-me-why-links-masterpost) The story is also on Wattpad, (I'm currently in the process of transferring/editing the story from there) under Weyheyable. Thanks so much for reading!


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